Depressed

I'm doing the best I can to distract myself but, some days r just worst then others...like today. Thinking about moving...waiting to move...and I'm having to end therapy because I'm moving and I'm going off to school and I'm thinking about certain issues in therapy and I'm super depressed. I try to make room for distractions and keep busy...but, its like every day for me is different. some days are easier then others. i'm nervous about having to end therapy, idk if i feel attached at the moment becuz i don't have much support outside of therapy and when I move, I'm thinking I'll have more support and won't need her as much but, at the moment it scares me that I feel the need to check my email a lot and wait for her to respond, cuz like, I AM LEAVING....This is ending...SOON....i have to get over it...i can't sit here thinking about emailing her and stuff cuz when i go off to school everything will change. she is already forgetting me. i was too weak to ever begin therapy. i always contemplated leaving cuz I knew I was the type to get attached...so I've wanted to leave for a while but, not like this. this feels abrubt. leaving and going off to school. I've been with her almost a year. Ughh. I feel depressed. :/

You are sad about having to leave your therapy and your therapist. You care about her and you are going to miss her, and miss her support. There is nothing at all wrong with those feelings and it makes so much sense you feel sad when you think about moving. Being attached is normal in therapy and outside of therapy, and when we leave those who we are attached to, it is sad.
It isn't something to get over, it is something to get through. Moves are unsettling. There is a beginning and an end to moving. When you are moved, why not consider continuing therapy with another therapist so you can have support and help with adjusting after moving, as you settle in?

Consider that moving and going to school is stressful, very stressful. Keep that in mind as you work through this. You will be OK.

((((((jazzy))))))) It is SO HARD to transition out of therapy and into a new life. It is totally normal that you feel this way.

When you get to school, will you be able to find a new T?

Change...opportunity....growth...more connections.

I don't know if I will find new T & idk if I will want too. idk nething right now except the fact that I am moving and I'm hurt emotionally and depressed.

This is good living in the present Jazzy!

((Jazzy)) I'm sorry you are hurting right now. Finding a new T or going to counseling center at your new school can help. Going to a new school can be a big transition not to mention missing you T. Please take care of yourself even thought you may not feel like it in this moment.

Thanks geez. thanks sannah. thanks everyone. ummmm idk if i will even be in school ...I'm not 100% sure because of all the freakin deadlines and my depression is killer cuz it encourages laziness....so its super hard to continue to try to move and stuff cuz i have no motivation to do anything...i'm finding that little bit of motivation in me and trying to use it. i also randomly feel stupid for ever putting so much emphasis on a person who mainly probably liked me cuz of a paycheck. i'm a paycheck. i just realized that. so many feelings you get when you terminate though.

You are more than just a paycheck to her. Many people enjoy their jobs and this includes therapists. Heck, SW don't even make that much money. They have to be in it for more than the money!

Please continue to find your motivation to get to school okay? I'll bet that the anxiety from all of this change affects your motivation?

I second what Sannah said. T's really don't make a ton of money.... at least I know my T doesn't (in theory she does). If you add up all the student loans she must have to get a PhD in addition to living/business expenses I'm sure she won't be retiring with a ton of money in the bank anytime soon.

However the exchange of money is what makes is possible for another human being to be available/impartial to the level that T is (IMO).

I think the anxiety does effect it, i think a lot of things effect me right now.

i want to counsel children, so I'm hoping one day that will be the thing that helps me understand that its more then just money cuz i definitly didnt choose kids cuz of money alone, i choose kids cuz i have a passion to help them.

I hope you are finding energy to get things done to get ready to move as best as you can Jazzy. I admire your career goal. Moving and going to school are really hard, like everyone said. I think it is cool you're aware of your feelings about it as much as you are even if that isn't making things feel better right now.

I agree that Ts (at least decent ones, and I don't think you'd be attached if you didn't have a decent one) really care about their clients. Sometimes I have to remind myself to believe the positive feelings I learned from therapy are real. I'm sure your T would want you to keep feeling whatever positive things you felt. I'm sure she'd want you to find new people and things to transfer the feelings to when you get to your new school.

thank you so much!!! gahh this is all so helpful. i'd say I was speechless but, I'm already typing lol haha anywho...i think I say "paycheck stuff" out of fear and out of hurt and I think most of everyone understands that those r two feelings that r very real to me right now.

Your T will NOT forget you just because you stop seeing him on a regular basis. I speak from experience! It's not about a paycheck either. T's derive motivation from something deeper than the paycheck they receive. I think my T should get hazard pay...

See if your T can recommend someone to you at your new town. If not, see him whenever you get the chance.