[Melbadaze]

its so insipid...I mean theres T whose gone above and beyond the call of duty and yet I still can't just ake that leap of faith. I want to, and I do so more than before, but still I get sucked back into all that old stuff/tapes/memeorys and can't just take the good that is now on offer and enjoy it, relax with it.

t says its fear of being hurt worse then before but that I am looking for it, wanting it, why the f**k cant he past go f**k itself and let me be.

[sugahorse1]

What's negative transference, as opposed to transference?

[Melbadaze]

transference is split between positive and negative. If you google it your find lots about it all .... enought to make you feel like you need therapy to sort it all out

[Omers]

I know that it is hard. I spent many, many years in therapy and 8 therapists before I could open up snd trust.

just let it take it's natural course you don't have to have started opening up last session. It happend in it's own time when I went through it too. I remember saying... It could be so much easier if you start trusting last this session and don't wait. Try not to think too much about how freeing it feels when you trust or how it will look when you do trust between now and next session. Making all those "movies" inside. Between sessions it is easy to see all the ways T is safe when you didn't do it when you want to. Live life as comfortable as you can between sessions and being good to yourself will get you there faster than having had worried. Soon you will be seeing all the trust that is alredy there when you are with T too.

I write funny at times when I am stiil half asleep (like now) so I may be talking wierd but you will still get the gist of what I am saying. I just wanted to respond quickly... I know I had felt bad to have been where you had been when you posted. I know I felt better seeing people care enough to reply (even if they are too grogy to talk right ). It sounded like you had beat yourself up about it. Wanted to be sure you are being good to yourself.

[WePow]

(((Melba))) It does stink when the past is there running the show. But like Omers said, just work on each day and what you feel in the NOW. Your mind is sharp - and it is not an idiot. It saw the danger in trusting. It is very difficult for the mind to realize that YOU are in charge now and it can now trust you to know who is safe and who is not safe.

[sugahorse1]

I've only just started to open up to T - I've always trusted her (I think) but never been able to show many emotions. Only now am I starting to project some anger onto her, and also am very needy of her.
It's taken time...

[Melbadaze]

I was emailing T about this and she said, "has it occured to you that you demonstrate real trust in me by trusting me with your distrust.

[sugahorse1]

Wow Melba - that is some serious insight...

[zooropa]

Wow. That's really deep, trusting T with your distrust. It kind of makes my brain hurt, but I think I understand it.

[Verbascum]

Originally Posted by Melbadaze

I was emailing T about this and she said, "has it occured to you that you demonstrate real trust in me by trusting me with your distrust.

Something like my T, when I said I was afraid of her (it really felt like that), she answered "I'm glad you feel safe enough to tell me so" - that really struck me too.

Feeling afraid of her is transference, but I was indeed able to tell her I was afraid, something I would never have told the people in my past - those who caused this feeling now.