Miserable session today with T

Well it began by me sitting quietly and answering her occasional question. THEN she had to mention her impending trip. So, i told her flat out that I didn't want her to go and I am afraid she won't come back. I gave her all the scenarios that I worry about, and she laughed at me several times. She claimed she was laughing WITH me, but I wasn't laughing. My face showed panic. Sure, maybe my fears border on the ridiculous, but bad things always seem to happen to me. I have cause to think the worst! After I asked her several times what if she doesn't come back, what would I do if she doesn't come back, asserting she's all I have, refusing her stupid stand-in T, and her failed attempts at reassuring me, I ended up sobbing on her couch's arm. Yep. A grown woman crying because her T is only going on vacation for 10 days, thought it is to CUBA!! I am pathetic, but this is her first trip away (well since I began to like her). I still feel like I want to cry some more. I told her I am going to sleep the entire time she away. I can think of no other way to cope with my constant worry.

((( HUGS )))

I'm so so so sorry that you are feeling so awful about your T's trip to Cuba. Since you know your T is going regardless, what do you think you need in order to get through this?

(((((((Chicken wing))))))))))) This is hitting a nerve for you. This is a very deep pain. It feels like something very bad must have happened to someone you loved who went away on a trip? You don't have to answer that, I am just thinking here as I process what you wrote. The emotion is not about just T going on this trip. You have a very real panic and fear around this.

Can you go deeper into the emotion without shutting it out?
Perhaps you can do a collage and get some magazines and cut out pictures and words that just show anything that relates to this fear?
Here is an idea you may want to try?

Start by drawing a shape and coloring it in - in the center of a piece of cardboard.
Make the shape look like how this emotion feels to you inside your heart.
Then take the words and images you collect and put them around that image of your emotion. Maybe use colored yarn or string and the stronger the word or image is in how it relates to your emotion, that is how close you connect it with the string.

For example, my emotion about not writing my T would have looked like a black donut with the hole inside missing and all yucky. If I found a picture of a storm cloud, I would put a very short string on that and stuck one end of the string on the donut emotion and the other end on the storm cloud so it was very close together.
But I also felt a little anger. So if I had the word RAGE, I would make a long strong and put that image almost on the outside edge of the paper - far away from the emotion but still attached to it.

I sense that if you tried something like this over the next few days or while she is gone, that you will hit some big things.

Plus, when she gets back, you can show her your work! :-)

{{{Chicken_Wing}}} it was good to meet you in chat. i didn't know then, about this post,, but here are some of the things that helped me when i was panicked and afraid,, i hope they serve you well, also,,, Gus

Coping With Anxiety and Panic

1. Remember, feelings of panic are just exaggerations of normal bodily stress reactions.

2. Sensations are neither harmful nor dangerous - just unpleasant. Nothing worse will happen.

3. Anxiety is temporary. Instead of fighting it, relax into it. Just let it be.*

4. Focus on facing the fear rather than trying to avoid it or escape from it.

5. Stop adding to the panic with frightening thoughts of where panic will lead.

6. Stay in the present. Be aware of what is happening to you rather than concern yourself with how much worse it might get.

7. Notice that when you stop adding to panic with frightening thoughts, the fear begins to fade.

8. Wait and give the fear time to pass.

9. Look around you. Plan what you will do next as the panic subsides.

10. When you are ready to go on, do so in an easy, relaxed manner. There is no hurry.

11. Think about the progress made so far despite all the difficulties.

12. Breathe mindfully, deep and slow. If you are feeling dizzy, or tingling, breathe off
and on into a paper sack, to reduce the amounts of oxygen you are getting.

Gus, thank you. Very Helpful for many of us!

oh my gosh, i started relaxing just reading it slowly... thanks for sharing Gus!

(((Chicken Wing)))

My thanks too to Gus. I felt better too!

@Chicken_wing sometimes it actually helps me to imagine absolute worst case scenario, several of them in fact, and then formulate plans what I will do if they are realized. Yep, I'm a planner. It works for me really well especially if my stressor has a name - such as a therapist trip, impending hurricance etc... Yes, in my mind they were the same for a long time.

I've learned that taking action of some sort, rather than being passive really helps.

My friends joke that I should work with FEMA or the Department of Defense, because I can take a normal situation, immediately imagine how it can go horribly horribly wrong, and have back up plans for back up plans about how I will respond and survive. Trust me, if civilization totally collapses, I'M the person you want around. I'm ready!

I gotta say, sometimes terror does have an upside. Especially if you can channel it into something remotely productive.

Perhaps you could try it.

elliemay, I also put hurricanes in the same category as T trips!! I hope this isn't too morbid a question, especially at holiday time, but when T or family go away, if I imagine the worst, it's about death. So, do you imagine how you'll survive then? If I lose T, I can grieve and find another T. It would be a huge loss, but I would go on. Family is another story....

How, specifically, are you productive in the face of terror?

chicken, I understand how you feel. When my T went overseas, I worried that she wouldn't come back. I don't want to lose her. I think it's about there not being any guarantees in life, about not being in control of life or death. It's scary!! It helps to believe in God or a higher power, but even with that, it's scary. I'm the same way when any of my family goes away. Trying to be mindful helps because worrying certainly doesn't. Or, set aside 10 minutes a day and worry only in that time period. Ts told me to do that, but I don't think it worked for me, but I know it does for some people. I also like WePow's suggestion and may try that myself.

What a sucky way to end a session before a break!

I'm sorry.

I always imagine the worst case scenarios. People have told me I'm irrational, dumb, stupid or have laughed at me for them. That HURTS! Because you genuinely do care about your T, and you'll really miss her. And that is okay. She will be back!

I like what Gus posted. You could also write a list of positive stuff that you remember from T so you've got something to look at. Any good stuff she's told you or messages or feelings you've had that are positive from T.