How do you know you are or aren't just Ts "job"

I haven't posted before.....and don't have time to post a lot, so I doubt I turn into a super poster, but I have been closely following this thread and feel like adding something to it.
Once or twice, I have said something to my T about listening to/dealing with different people and their issues all day.....and both times, she has said she really believes that this is her calling. She doesn't call it a job, work, making a living, etc - but a calling. I love that. I've only seen her about 5 months and haven't ever really done therapy before, so I have little past comparison to work with......but when she speaks of this as her calling, I believe her, because her whole manner speaks of it stronger than do her words.
There seems to be a question of 'do therapists really CARE?' - as in caring deeper than a professional care. I would not have expected the tenderness, the care, the respect I have gotten from my T before I started - I would have only expected a professional sort of care. But I know very well I have gotten a deeper level of 'care' than that. She has excellent boundaries, yet is also warm and loving in her manner - that's her nature anyway I think. This has made it possible to work with far deeper things than I ever planned on working on before......because I know that I can trust that she DOES care deeply.
One more thing - I began to think she might truly, deeply care about me after several weeks when I decided to be brave and share some poems from the darkest time of my life. I had never shown anyone these.....and thought surely she would think what a sick person I must have been. But she said 'this is so beautiful and so sad...' And there were tears in her eyes. I remember feeling utterly amazed then....and the few other times I have seen her tears. But I have learned to trust that those tears are genuine and that I have touched her heart (as she once told me I had).....as she has touched mine.
I don't delude myself that it could ever be a friendship.....we've had this discussion! Nonetheless, the relationship has turned into something very precious and healing....much more powerful and much more healing than the average friendship.
So no, I know that I and her other clients are not 'just a job'; helping us, caring for us, helping us heal and change, is a calling to her, much much more than a job. This is the way it is for her; others I know are different. Difference is a spice of life (and therapy)!
Again - I may not turn out to be a prolific poster, but I do want people to know that my heart has been very touched reading your other posts, reading about your struggles and victories, and even if I don't post a lot, please know that my heart goes out to all of you and my prayer is for healing in your hearts and minds, too.
Sorry this is so long....

This thread reminds me of an issue that was brought up in my group therapy a while ago. A member struggled inside and outside of therapy to prove a point - and would stress it over and over and over again, trying to convince others that she was right. The struggle to be right was exhausting, and this member learned that it was a rather poor way of making contact with others. Sure, exploring differences of opinions is great...but the underlying need for her to be "right" when there really is no "right" or "wrong", was causing her more stress than necessary - and really created a distance between her and other members.

I think there's a lesson even in this that can be healing. Families (even a PC kind of "family") can have misunderstandings, miscommunications, different opinions, disagreements sometimes, but that doesn't mean we don't care (there's that word again) about one another. I've been mostly an absent member of late, but I would certainly want anyone who posts here to feel accepted, welcome and supported...even when we don't all agree on everything.

I'd like to hear it. Feel free to PM me if you don't feel comfortable upsetting sensitive readers.

if i won the lottery, i would totally open a practice!

I've had 2 different T's. One cares about me, and for one I was just a job. I could tell the difference.

My main T who I have seen for over 12 years genuinely cares about me. How do I know this, when I''ve been IP and not able to see her, she asks me to e-mail her updates about how things were going. When I had to go back into rehab in 08 and had to go down to working part time, I asked her to reduce her fees for me for 10 weeks, and she did. She's going away on vacation but knows I'm stressed about disclosing my mental health / addiction history on the new job so she told me to e-mail her with the advice I receive around disclosure, and what winds up happenning. When I've been in crisis, she's called me at home between sessions just to check up on me, and she said this year was the first year she wasn't worried about me over Christmas (implies she has worried about me in the past)

The other T I saw through an EAP, and she was focussed on only 1 objective - getting me back to work ASAP. She made no effort to get to know me, instead threw out cookie cutter suggestions as to what would help. She told me volunteering within the GLBT community would help (never mind my severe social phobia) and recommended relaxation sessions with another provider. She really only cared if I showed up for my appointments and it was obvious in her manner.

So I think there are both kinds of T's out there. I'm lucky, I've got one who genuinely cares about me as a person. And it's not like she's in therapy because it's her only option. Clinical therapy only makes up about 1/2 her practice. She's also a researcher / author. She' s on the faculty of psychiatry at the med school, and frequently travels to train other T's, lawyers and judges. She's consulted to the UN. She doesn't advertise her practice and only gets new clients through word of mouth referals from pdoc's she works with or people her clients know.

--splitimage

I've been following this thread very closely because, I, too, wonder about this from time to time. So I came across this article the other day and thought I would share it because it did make me feel better and sort of goes along with this thread. Hopefully, I will post the link correctly.

http://www.psychotherapy.net/article...ertransference

i dont talk about it much but i was taken in as a foster kid by my councler at my highschool.i was more than a job to herwas it ethical i dont know did it help my emotional state maybe not but it did get me out of a real bad situation.

Ts should "care" to the degree to be able help the person the most they can. They should use all their knowledge and skills to help... but is it really necesary they "love" their clients. I know few people who work as therapists and they share some of their cases for the lols. Or they are frustrated with some of their clients... sure they like some clients too, but often they would not make friends with them... because they are different in many ways. I know social workers who roll eyes and talk badly about their clients... than they go and work after-hours to help them with their situation.

it shouldn't really matter... you go to t for you not for t's love.

I think therapy is two people in a relationship and what that relationship is like depends on those two people. I don't think one can generalize that all therapy relationships are one way or another, that T's care or don't care, love or don't love, feel similarly about all their clients equally anymore than one can predict a client and therapist pair will be helpful or a good fit, etc. Yes, it's two people working together and one of them is getting paid but from the outside you can't say anything about what the two people feel or will feel.

My T is pretty cool, but I definitely think I am just a job most of the time. She plays games with me to get my mind distracted, but continuously checks her watch. She tries to do it slyly, but it doesn't work....I notice it.
I don't like feeling like I am just a buck to her. Yes, I am getting work out of therapy, but I don't like feeling like I am on the clock and have to talk fast or else I the timer will go off. It sucks!

onlymedid, have you mentioned this to your T, about her checking the clock?

Not very long ago I noticed my T checking the clock on the wall (usually the wall behind where I sit but way over my head: hard to not notice) and checking her watch. I just said to her that I noticed her checking the time a lot lately. She laughed and said "I know! I've noticed that too and I don't know why I'm doing that!" Okay, maybe, or maybe she wasn't sharing it, but she seems to not do that now.

No, I don't think I could do that. I don't feel comfortable enough mentioning it.

That's too bad..it might be interesting to let your T know about your observations. But I can understand not feeling comfortable. It took me a long time to be able to feel free/freer to say "anything and everything/whatever comes to mind" as she invited me to do.

all i can say is, i try to live in the present moment, in that moment T is doing there job and "caring"--professoinally that is--as if they were a teacher or coach.... but some ppl will never get the chance to have therapeutic relationship. even if it isn't everything we always hoped its cracked up to be. its still valuable moment of time, that hour. since when does something have to be perfected to be beautiful? its the imperfections, the little shortcomings that make us appreciate life some times. not all the time but sometimes...i just know in that moment, in that hour, healing is trying to occur, trying to take place, in other moments of my day... i'll laugh with friends, cook with family, go out running, life full of moments and we can treasure each opportunity/moment and then let it go,...because more will come, and if were still holding on to the last how can we be fully ready to experience more PRESENT moments as they are/ my goal is to live in the now, in the present.
thats not to say i don't struggle with this...dear God, anyone could take the time to read everything I've written over pc and know that.

and i do because of what someone said above

"""The reason why I stand behind this is because the human soul is much more delicate than the teeth in your mouth. When you bare your deepest hurts and desires to someone it is very nauseating to think that they do not care about you and you are just a job. ""

no secrets, no pain.
for me.
if i hadn't of shared all of what i shared i wouldnt care if she cared.
thats the difference. i do care because i came open
not everybody just opens up in therapy
a lot of people hold back
i didnt do that.