Do therapists really care? (Was: Something is bothering me about PC)

Poet, the difference is that when we say, "My T cares, etc." we are talking about OUR OWN individual experiences, not yours or anyone else's. When you say "T's don't care" and you question our perceptions and experiences and you insist that we are nothing but a job to OUR T's, you aren't talking about your own experiences; you are talking about ours. If you said, "My T doesn't care and I'm nothing but a job to him" then you would be talking about your own experience and you wouldn't be negating anyone else's experiences. That's the difference.

When people simply describe their own experiences and the lessons they've learned from them, it's not a negation of other people's experiences or views. When someone else says "my T cares," Poet, that's not a denial that your T might not care. Brightheart tried to get this point across, I think, but it may be helpful to restate it again.

It is not a negation of your experiences if someone else says they had different experiences. It would be a negation if another person affirmed that ALL T's are good, loving, kindly, helping people. But no one here has said that, to my knowledge. It would be a very silly thing to say, since of course each of us is totally aware that whatever our history we've all only worked with a small number of T's.

The problem seems to be in your definition of what a "negation" is. If you say "purple is good," and I say "green is bad," what I say is not a negation of what you said. If you say "purple is good," and I say "purple is bad," that IS a negation by me of what you have said.

If you say, "I've had bad experiences with T's," and I say "I've had good experiences with T's," that is NOT a negation of your views. People do have different experiences. And those different experiences don't attack or cancel or render invalid the other person's experiences.

Take care!

now lets all join hands and uhmmmmmm together

sorry Mdaze, I just can't do group.

Sorry, PreacherHeckler, but this just isn't true. Lots of people are not talking about individual experiences, and to prove it (and because I am sick and don't have anything better to do, and because I like to use the multi-quote button) - I have collected some quotes from the other threads.

I am not taking sides, but I don't like the way certain people are 'blamed' for things in this forum. Just look at your post above, and the language you use: "OUR" and "We" versus 'you.' That indicates that you are taking a stance against someone. Why is this necessary? Why is ThePoet not allowed to voice opinions but yet YOU are? In my opinion, both of you are arguing and trying to convince others. So what if thePoet is arguing from a more philosophical generalized standpoint than from personal experiences? That doesn't make it any less credible than your arguments.

So, these are the posts I found where people aren't talking from personal experiences. I took out the names because I didn't want to atribute the quotes to people without their knowledge/permission:

sitting, yeah I normally just "do" dallas

Opinions are fine, but genralizations are not. T's do this, T's do that... Not all T's are the same, some do it for the job, some do it for the love of. Notice, that I use the word 'some.' The love of helping. There are plenty people here that help/support because they love to do that, maybe that concept to some seems alien because of their own past experiences.

Generalizations such as saying, "T's do it just because it is a job." Lumps all T's into one horrible basket because it invalidates those that have T's that go beyond that.


Let's get back to supporting each other.

This quote is mine and it does come from my own personal experience... what I experienced with my therapist during my therapy and what I've seen with therapists who I know personally. I never intended to imply that this applied to every therapist, but that it has been my experience. I know all therapists are different. I apologize if my phrasing was off.

Yes, let's get back to supporting.

I agree Pegasus, and would like to add thtat generalizations such as saying, "T's do care about their clients or else they wouldn't be a T." also lump T's into an idealized basket because it invalidates those that have T's who don't go beyond that.

It goes both ways. As someone with a T who doesn't care and who does see it as just a job, I think I would rather be on the other side of things. Maybe those of you who have the caring, go-above-and-beyond T's should be more sensitive to those of us who don't, instead of just being critical of the opinions and experiences we describe.

Brightheart, I truly don't think there's anything to apologize for, but I'm glad you posted this because you make a great point - despite how it is phrased, most likely our opinions do come from personal experiences.

Darkrunner, when I said "Ours" and "We" I was using the plural form of "Mine" and "I" because there are several people besides me who stated that their T's care about them, and when people say "My T cares about me" I accept it as that person's experience because she or he is speaking specifically about her or his own T, just as I am speaking specifically about my T when I say that I know he cares about me. But from now on I will not say "Ours" or "We" anymore because apparently it's not ok to identify with anyone else's experiences here.

I'm sorry your T doesn't appear to care and appears to just treat it as a job. Maybe it would be good for you to discuss this with him. If he is a psychologist, it would have taken him at least 6 years to get to do a job he doesn't care about.

I think most of us would agree that some people do go into lines of work that they detest solely for the money. In fact, I've heard that argument used for not paying most ministers and, I guess, any teachers, high salaries! However, I don't think the average T rakes in the megabucks. As in any field, however, there will be some T's who are more motivated and caring than others. I suspect some just get burnt out over time, too. As Pegasus has said, I think we sometimes need to shop around to find the person who works for us. They can't just treat us for free, though, because they have to make a living, too.

Maybe it's just me here, also, but I do keep wondering what "is bothering me about PC"! I hope the original poster will be able to figure it out and let us know! No group of people is perfect, but I know PC works hard at trying not to trigger people. And I do hope it's not, as someone suggested, that we seem to try to run off people who don't agree with the frequent posters. I certainly admit that I probably go against the flow sometimes, but I am hanging in here!

Actually, I'm fine with my T, thank you. She cares about me in an appropriate professional way but yes, it IS a job for her. In fact, I was very pleased this summer when she offered to allow me to email her as much as I wanted during the week for extra support.

I guess I'm not exactly sure what the difference is between a "caring, just-a-job T" and a "caring not-just-a- job T." I kind of asked this on the other thread and no one really answered it. Maybe no one knows! This is what I asked:

So describing my T as a 'non-caring' T is just a way to identify her in the context of the conversations on this forum.

I have to admit that I am sort of confused with the caring versus noncaring, too. In fact, I think there's now a thread that sort of deals with this issue. I would label my dentist as "caring" because he is friendly, treats me like not just a number, and spends time talking to me, besides just looking into my mouth and doing what medically he needs to do in there. I am going to check out the other thread to see what the folks are saying!

Maybe the difference (my perception) is in the use of the word "just" as opposed to "and". There could be "caring and it's my job T" and "caring, but just a job T". The former does both, but separately, while the latter does the caring as simply part of the job. From my own personal perspective and my experiences...caring wouldn't have to imply caring on a personal level, but genuine concern for a client's well-being. Just my view...

Poet I disagree with you. My T does care about me. She calls me all the time and doesn't get paid for it. She even takes me out to go eat 2 help me with my eating disorder. And she pays for it with cash. Not a credit card where she could write it off if she wanted to.If that isn't caring I don't know what is.

I am not saying your T does not care, but if you read treatment guidelines for eating disorders, this is an acceptable and suggested practice. To model appropriate eating amounts, foods, behaviors, etc for the client.

Yes, that is true. My T has done the same thing.

That last quote was mine. Read it again. It's pretty clear to me when one says "in my opinion" or "I would say" that it's not a generalization, but rather stating an opinion - my opinion based on my personal experience.

Ellie May - I don't need to 'read it again.'

Are you seriously saying that your statement of "90% of therapists care about their clients" is an opinion formed by personal experience? How is that possible? I would love to hear how you have been able to personally experience treatment with 90% of therapists in the world.

Also, your main point was basically a restatment of what I said in post #34 which was:

You might, in fact, be quite surprised at what I've experienced, with whom I've worked and the persons to which I'm exposed. Yeah, in my experience, I would say 90% care about their clients and their treatment.

That's why I said "I would say" and not "the data are" or something official sounding like that.

Of course, that's not to say that 90% of therapist are good at it, or propose an appropriate course of treatment, but I really do think they do care about it.

I'm sorry you're sick.

.

It depends what "caring" is and how it is defined. I am sure architects care for their projects too. So do many other profesions. Because they care to do their job well... Therapists care for their job, it does not mean they care overly for each and every of their clients... they can do a good job without spending sleepless nights over their clients too. In fact it may be better if they limit their caring and keep it profesional and keep themselves safe and sane.

I agree with your point of view here, except for one thing. While, I do think there are some therapists that view their patients as projects, I think it's hard to ignore the "human factor" in this profession. There is a person sitting across from that therapist, which perhaps brings a different, and more complex definition of caring.

I would hope that therapists (mine included!) wouldn't excessively invest themselves in their patients. Engage and connect, yes, but most therapies require a sustained effort on both parties. Being overly anything would not lend itself to such sustained effort in my opinion.

It's Kumbayah, not uhmmmmmm.

nope definately, uuuhhmmmm.