After hours

Just wondering if anyone's therapists have them come in after hours. Like if the therapist works until 5, would they have you come in for an appointment at that time if it is an emergency? Am I expecting too much?

My T would definitely never see me after hours (or before). He has very firm boundaries about his time. He WOULD let me call and leave a voice mail, or e-mail him...although unless it was a dire emergency, he would call me back during normal business hours (he would e-mail me back that night, though, if I asked him to).

Are you wanting your T to see you after hours, sweetlove? I've wished for that when T's been booked up and I was in the middle of a really hard time, but he just doesn't do it. He tries to provide support in other ways if he can (calling me on the way home from work, for example)

Take care of you.

Scheduling their time is up to each therapist.
My therapist has added me to the end of her day at times and once came in on a day she doesn't usually work.

Are you having an emergency now or is this something that happened previously?

No, no such thing with my therapists. Business hours only - a call or an email during those hours is possible (if time permits). After hours, a real emergency (harm to self or others) you contact the urgent care line for behavioral health.
Same as my primary care doctor or the pediatrician - after they go home we go to urgent care.
Hope you are OK now!

It begs the question "what is considered to be an 'emergency'?" And is what the client considers to be an emergency also considered to be the same by the therapist? And also - does the therapist have a policy of making herself available during after hours emergencies? (most won't, but a few will).

During 8 years of therapy with my ex-t I had one emergency appointment outside of her normal working hours. I neither asked for it nor expected one, but *she* considered it to be an emergency (damage control after a dissociative episode at work in which I was nearly fired). The times when I would have liked an emergency appointment, however (usually due to intense emotional distress) she either schelduled an extra appointment during her normal working hours, did a short phone consult with me, or (more typically) enouraged me to use my own skills (ha!) to get through it on my own.

My guess is that most Ts won't do emergency sessions out of hours if they can be avoided. And if they do, maybe they will do them *sometimes* but not if it interferes with other things they have planned. My feeling is that emergency sessions out of normal working hours are a rare gift, and not a 'right'.

I have never asked for an emergency session outside of T's working hours, but he has given them to me twice. Actually, both times it was a joint session for my H and me. It was T's opinion that we needed to see him and it couldn't wait until there was an opening in his regular schedule. So both times, he came in on a weekend morning to meet with us. I think of it as a very, very caring gesture. Very unexpected. He was so concerned for our welfare and progress. I think he knew things could easily get derailed without his personal attention. He is so skilled at working with couples.

ETA: now I remember he did give me an individual evening session in the summer. It wasn't an emergency but just that my schedule was so busy we could not meet during his regular hours and I could not take time off. I was worried it meant we would not be able to meet for 3 months but he was so accommodating. He just said, "I'll stay late one night and we'll meet then." It was all so easy and I had been so worried this was the end of therapy. I guess sometimes they are more flexible than we think.

Actually my therapist has been on vacation for a week and my next appt. isnt for another week. I've had a few bad days recently and wanted to try and schedule something sooner but not sure if our schedules will allow it. I work a few hours at night and get out at the time of his last appt. I would never ask to be seen at the end of his day, just wondering what to expect when I call.

I think this is all you need to say. He will say yes, he has an appointment (either in that last hour or if he extends his time in certain cases) or no, you'll have to wait until the scheduled appointment. Either way, there is no harm in asking. Good luck.

One of my former T's was very accommodating. Occasionally, if there was a need, she would schedule a phone session in the evening because neither of our schedules allowed for time to meet after hours.

My T has strong boundaries in terms of her time. She is practically unavailable after hours - no sessions, no e-mail, no phone.

I just want to add that there ARE limits in any kind of caring relationship. Sometimes I really need my H and he is at work and can't leave. That doesn't mean he doesn't care, not at all. It means that even though he loves me and wants to help me, he can't help me right at the moment - but he will when he can. Sometimes I am at an appointment and one of my boys needs me...he has to wait until I come home. I love my boys more than anything in the WORLD, but sometimes I'm just not available for a little while.

Someone mentioned in another thread that the fact that therapists aren't available after hours means there are limits to paid care. And yes, there are, and there should be. Everyone should have boundaries, and good self-care. In any healthy, caring relationship, there are going to be limits.

My alcoholic mom has needed me to take care of her for my entire life. I spent years - decades - dropping everything, never meeting my own needs or my families needs, making sure that I was always there when she needed me. It was sooooooo unhealthy, and draining, and awful. I don't expect or want (AT ALL) ANY relationship I'm in to be like that - not with my H, not with my kids, not with my friends, not with my mom, not with my T.

Being paid or not paid has nothing to do with it. Caring or not caring has nothing to do with it. The fact is that boundaries and self-care are important in every single relationship we're in, no matter how much love, caring, or money is involved. I trust, completely, that my T cares about me and wants to help me, and I trust, completely, that he will take care of himself, and his family. When he can be there for me, he absolutely is. And when he can't, he can't. Just like my H can't sometimes, or I can't be there for my boys sometimes. That's how relationships work, and it's okay.

(I know I'm a little off track sweetlove, but someone questioned this in another thread, and I wanted to address it)

I'm actually experiencing this right now. I had a serious emergency arise that has left me without a phone I needed to get in to see someone or get in touch with someone. My "team" has been accommodating to say the least. My T wouldn't offer an after hours/time off session in the office - but she did video chat with me. I was extremely grateful and felt that offer was above and beyond. My pdoc however was very responsive. I emailed her to see if she could call in a script for me and she offered that I should come in and make contact because of the nature of my situation. I was shocked that she was willing to carve space into her day to see me on New Years Eve.

here work related - we dont generally have the clients come in after hours *but* we are a 24 hour hot line for three counties. When the people manning the phones get a call for the treatment providers aka a client who requests their treatment provider they call us and transfer the call to us. most calls after hours are handled on the phone but should a situation arise we meet clients at the hospital er for emergency situations that cant be handled on the phone after hours such as self harm/suicidal situations.

the other place I work well the clients are already there after office hours because its the hospital mental health unit. when we get the call that a client wants to talk to us we first try to handle it on the phone and if needed we go in and talk with them in one of the units therapy/group rooms.

as a client I have met my therapist after hours on very rare occasions at dunkin donuts down the street, here in my home and in her office.

My T offered me a session on Easter day. To be more exact, she almost pushed me to come despite that this was Easter, but I was a really huge mess then. I didn't go because I didn't want to ruin her day and celebration and stuff. She told me several times I can call her anytime if it's an emergency, even in the middle of the night. I haven't tried that, but given the way she talks and acts, I'm almost sure she would pick up the phone at 3am. Or maybe she offers those things because she knows I will never do that, lol, I don't know

Treehouse- thank you for your input. I'm aware of the boundries of every relationship and I'm not asking nor planning on this "special" appointment. I've also never had this type of emergency before so I was just asking what everyone's expiriences were. Some people text and email their T's and I've never been offered that either, so these boundries are different for everyone and I was curious about this certain situation.

I haven't decided if I'm going to call or not, maybe just wait for my appointment on Friday. Thanks everyone

(((((((sweet love))))))). My reply was really in response to a poster in another thread who implied that if Ts aren't available after hours then they don't care. I probably should have found another place to post it.

think asking for what you need from T is absolutely fine and good. I e-mail T, call T, whatever I need to get my needs met. If he can meet them, he does, and I really appreciate it.
I think asking for what you need is exactly what you do.

I'm sorry you're having a hard time

I think many T's leave room in their schedule for the unexpected and they also have cancellations, so it's always fine to ask.

It might also be a very good thing for any of us to talk about before it happens. Ask if T has room in his/her schedule for unplanned sessions, and how that would work.

My T is able to often slot me in during the day. But once the session is finished, that's it. I am allowed one e-mail between sessions, which she will not answer, but use to prompt discussion in our next session.
In an emergency, I can phone her. (Again, not quite sure what constitutes an emergency) If it is after hours, or if I am at risk to myself or others, I need to go to the ER. They will then phone her, and she'll either come there, or wait until the next morning to see me.
I've never really needed to set up an appointment outside of normal working hours, but she's been really good to fit me in.

It was my reply and I did not imply they do not care AT ALL, but that they do care within boundaries of their jobs.

I totally agree - a good therapist cares with boundaries. Just like anyone in any healthy relatoinship. That doesn't mean my T only cares about me Monday - Friday from 9 - 5, but it does mean that I am *part* of his life. Just like he is *part* of mine. I care about T all the time. He cares about me all the time. But, thankfully, there are boundaries in place that allow both of us to have lives outside of therapy.

Ok guys, so after 20 minutes of staring at the phone yesterday, I finally called my T. I left a message just asking him to call me back. He called back today and I completely froze up. I told him that I was just having a bad day yesterday but I'm fine now. UGGHH! I am so mad at myself! I was so close and threw it all away. I was a little mad at T too, cuz I really wanted him to say "Are you sure?" or "Obviously your not fine because you left a message". I don't know, and I know i shouldnt be mad at him, he can't read my mind and he has other clients and I'm not really anymore I'm just disappointed in myself. I've been in therapy for 7 years (with another T) and I still don't know how to ask for what I need from them. Thankfully my scheduled appointment is Friday so I only have a couple days to go.

And the worst part is that I didn't tell anyone I was having a hard time or that I tried to schedule an earlier appointment with my T. So now I can't tell anyone how disapointed or empty I am right now. Thats why I'm venting on here to all of you..thanks

Sweetlove- I SOO get the approach- avoidance dynamic when calling T and asking for support. It's mind boggling how stressful asking and reciving support from T can be.I don't know if this is the same for you but it brings up a lot of shame for me But you attempted, that is good, and you will see T on Friday, that is good! I hear how alone you feel. Can you focus a bit on these things, and do something soothing or distracting if it gets hard? Keeo posting and best of luck.

You are braver than me - I have never been able to phone my T. I try deal with my issues on PC or with friends. I just cannot talk to T over the phone. And it's not much easier face to face.

Sweetlove, I think you should be proud of yourself. You took a huge chance in calling and leaving a message. I think many people would have done what you did on the callback and pretended to be fine (I know I would have) because you weren't prepared to say it right at that moment. Maybe at your session you will be able to discuss why you really called...and then the next time you are struggling, you will be able to say you need that earlier appointment.

Learning to ask for what we want and need is a tough process. Try to look at what you DID do, instead of criticizing what you didn't.

My t only once asked to see me on his day off. He met me up at his office on a Saturday morning during a particularly bad episode. I had another t who literally met me at his office in the middle of the night. But those were the exceptions, not the rules, and it wasn't me who asked for the appointment, it was them.