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#1
Jan 06, 2011, 01:13 AM
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ok. Here's the situation: I borrowed some money from a friend. I told her I would pay her back this week, only now I don't have it. I have a little less than half, actually.
So. I don't know how to tell her. I'm really really scared that she's going to be really angry. Someone I talked to about it said to lie, to make something up, but...that's not how I'm trying to live my life, you know? Plus I'm not a very good liar, lol. But really. My friend is coming over tomorrow for her money. I am at a loss and I KNOW the DBT interpersonal effectiveness skills would really help this situation, but I can't think what to say. I want to ask my T, and I might call her in the morning, but my friend is coming at 10 am and I don't know for sure if I will get to talk to T before then. So. Please. Help me figure out how to do this. I want to be honest and I want to preserve the relationship. So I guess, to put it in DBT terms, if I prioritize relationship/objective/self-respect, I would put relationship first and self-respect second.
__________________
She left pieces of her life behind her everywhere she went.
"It's easier to feel the sunlight without them," she said. ~Brian Andreas |
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#2
Jan 06, 2011, 01:34 AM
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I don't know much about DBT but in this situation I think the best plan is to give your friend the money that you have, apologize and explain honestly (<-- keyword) why you don't have the rest. Offer the friend a new deadline to return the money that you know you can keep, and offer to pay interest or do some favors (run a few errands, pick up their kids, help prepare for a dinner party, watch their dog while they are out of town, whatever it is they would see fit).
This must be a really difficult situation. I think I would be anxious about it also. Just be honest and do what you can to rectify the situation. And also let your other friend know that honesty is still always the best policy!  Quote:
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 pachyderm, purple_fins, rainbow8, SpiritRunner, WePow, zooropa
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#3
Jan 06, 2011, 03:12 AM
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I agree completely with Might. Good advie might!
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#4
Jan 06, 2011, 03:56 AM
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Please let us know how it goes - I know how hard money in friendships can be (((Zoo)))
But honesty is the best policy. And if your relationship has the correct grounding - she'll understand and help you
__________________
"I'd rather attempt to do something great and fail than to attempt to do nothing and succeed. Robert H. Schuller" Current dx: Bipolar Disorder Unspecified Current Meds: Epitec (Lamotrigine) 300mg, Solian 50mg, Seroquel 25mg PRN, Metformin 500mg, Klonopin prn |
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#5
Jan 06, 2011, 07:18 AM
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(((((((((((zoo)))))))))))
That is a tough situation. For me, it's a huge RELIEF to just be honest about that sort of thing. Not having the money sucks, but having to live with (and try to keep up with) a lie feels even worse, at least for me. Can you apologize, explain the situation, and give her what you have? And then maybe set up a timeline for paying smaller amounts until the rest is paid off? It's usually easier for me to come up with $20 than $200 (or whatever) I don't know much about DBT, but it seems to me that thinking this through, deciding what's important to you, and coming to ask for help are all really, really good skills. 
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#6
Jan 06, 2011, 07:23 AM
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i would hope if this person is a good friend that they would exsept what you are able to give them and work out a payment plan and it would be ok.i would hope you friend would only lend money that she can afford to do .
__________________
BEHAVIORS ARE EASY WORDS ARE NOT  Dx, HUMAN Rx, no medication for that |
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#7
Jan 06, 2011, 09:58 AM
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((((((Zoo)))))) I agree with being honest. A friend respects the honesty - and you will respect yourself by being honest.
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#8
Jan 06, 2011, 10:07 AM
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Just apologize and give her what you have. And I agree you should offer paying an interest... maybe she will not even accept it,but it will show you are trying to keep your promises.
__________________
Glory to heroes!
HATEFREE CULTURE |
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#9
Jan 06, 2011, 10:55 AM
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I would actually want to call her today and tell her for 2 reasons. 1) I think that she deserves this info ASAP because she might need plan B if she needs the money for something tomorrow, and 2) I would worry less about it today if I could get it off my chest ASAP.
The person who told you to lie, I wouldn't trust their judgement too much in the future.
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
| pachyderm
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#10
Jan 06, 2011, 07:27 PM
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If appropriate, you can also offer services (babysitting? car washing? petsitting? typing? helping with household chores?) to help reimburse part of the money you owe. I suspect some of my friends might consider that if I were in that position. Of course it depends on the situation, but offering to help with some tasks might also help show good faith in the meantime, too.
Take care, ErinBear
__________________
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#11
Jan 06, 2011, 09:42 PM
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I've been busy moving today, and am beyond exhausted right now. So tired I feel nauseous. So this will be short, but wanted to let you guys know that I talked to my friend, and she was okay. It went really well. I'll fill you in later when I can. But thank you all so much for your replies and your good advice and your support, as always.
__________________
She left pieces of her life behind her everywhere she went.
"It's easier to feel the sunlight without them," she said. ~Brian Andreas |
| Sannah
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