[suzzie]

if youve never shared your thoughts and feelings with anyone before. not a single thing. no life experience in that area at all. how do you learn to start doing that. ive never shared those kind of things with anyone ever. not even things when i was a kid. or stuff with siblings. i have always kept stuff like that to myself. now in t i cant seem to share it. its hard to even tell a simple thing. i am so used to keeping it all in my head. how do you do something youve never done. its like my mind wont let me do it. last few sessions have been focused on how to share with others. sharing is the whole basis of t. and i cant do it.

I couldn't do it either, and it took a long, long time. It felt for a long time that everything I said was pointless, or stupid, or a waste of his time.

In the end, it was baby steps. I shared one little thing. When T didn't run screaming, or fall asleep, or tell me to leave, or roll his eyes, or whatever, I felt a little safer. Later, I shared one more little thing. Eventually the little things added up into big things, and about 18 months into therapy, I really started telling him the hard stuff.

It wasn't easy, and I hated it for a long long time. But it was worth it.

I spent the first 8 or so months not really sharing much of anything. I guess you could say I just talked about 'surface issues'. My T told me that that part was necessary for me to be able to get to the root of what was really going on.

I cannot tell you what happened to 'flip the switch', but it happened. I emailed my T and told her I needed to come in asap. I was afraid if I didn't, I would lose my nerve and not be able to do it.

When I went to that appointment, I was in sweats and a T-shirt. She knew right away that something was up! I usually go my appointments from work and wear dress clothes.

I asked her to step out of the room and allow me a few moments to get myself together. When she came back in, I was huddled in the corner with a pillow and sobbing! She came over and sat across from me and just waited until I was ready to talk.

This was the changing point in my therapy. It has not been the same since them. I still have a hard time going, still hate it, still wish I didn't need it, still have times when I shut down, etc....but I am so glad that I can express myself now. That takes A LOT of courage!

As for advice to anyone who is struggling, do whatever works for you. Don't feel that you have to 'conform' to what a 'normal' therapy session should look like.

If you want to lie down, do it. If you want to walk around, do it. If you feel like huddling in the corner of the room, go for it! If you feel awkward looking at your T when you are talking, don't. If you need to bring a pillow and blanket (like I do), bring it. If you need to bring a stuffed animal, take it! Do what works for you. We are all different and have different needs. Don't be embarrassed about doing what you need to do to feel comfortable.

For once, this is ALL ABOUT YOU! Take advantage of the gift. If my T told me that I would be bringing a blanket, pillow, and cloth diaper (my cry rag) with me to our sessions, I would have told her she was nuts! If she said that at some point we would be doing sessions in the floor, I would have told her she must be some kind of quack!

[sugahorse1]

It does take time.I knew I had to get to the bottom of things and eventually told my T, I couldn't bring myself to talk about them with her. I battled to initiate the conversation. So, I now write my feelings into a mail, between sessions, and she can get an idea of what's on my mind. She then initiates conversation in the direction of the topics I mentioned in my mail.
Could that maybe work for your Suzzie?

[Sannah]

Suzzie, you already got some good posts here. I just know that it will eventually happen for you. Please be patient and have hope. There are reasons that you don't want to share - possibly shame, getting in trouble, not wanting to feel vulnerable, fear of rejection, fear of intimacy, low self worth, not feeling safe, lack of trust, etc.

[rainbow8]

suzzie, I can understand your problem. While growing up, I didn't share my feelings with anyone, not even my parents. When I first went to therapy, I didn't know what it was all about. The T sat there and waited for me talk but I had nothing to say. She finally asked why I came to see her and I read off a list with no emotion. I actually thought it was going to like "Dear Abby", an advice column where the T would give me answers and that would be it!!

Getting me to talk about feelings was like pulling teeth. I talked about factual stuff for a long time. I think it was when I realized that T and I had some kind of relationship, and it wasn't just going to be her giving me answers and me listening, that I opened up gradually. She was very patient with me, but it was incredibly hard for me to talk about anything personal. I knew I needed help, but couldn't talk about my feelings.

I used to read from my journal and then she'd ask me questions. Gradually I talked more. There wasn't anything magical about it.

Do you feel comfortable with your T? I think that's a major consideration. Are there ways she could behave or something she could say to make it easier? I keep asking my T if it's okay to tell her anything, and is anything TMI, and she keeps reassuring me that anything and everything is okay to tell her. If I'm afraid to talk, she'll ask if I'm worried that she's judging me? She says she is never judging me. Just some ideas for you. Don't give up!!