don't know what to do'?

So, I have the urge to talk to my T. i think its been a month since i've had any contact. i use to email every week and now im trying to force myself to be independent as long as i possibly can.--i went from every week to not at all and i have no idea why i want to speak with her, i just do. i'm confused on how we were suppose to be setting up my transition period into college, she assured me that she wouldn't "leave me hanging" so to speak. and kind of implied, that she thought i should be coming "as needed" because i was quitting...but i never said i was quitting in the first place and i do not know, still, if i will or should quit...

i don't even know why i want to speak with her after a month...but, she was my therapist the entire year of 2010 off and on...and after a month of holding back...i would like to be able to talk to her.
i don't know what to do. i want to email soo bad..but...i'm holding back...i guess i kinda want her to see that i'm depending on her less, although, truthfully, therapists dont really think about you outside of hours but, still...they'll notice change if there client is displaying it.

i want to tell her...
that i moved into my "apartment" style dorms yesterday
i want to tell her...
that my grandfather died too, recently, and it changed the way my dad viewed me.
i AM depending on her LESS...a lot Less, i think...i don't stare at my computer all day waiting for a response and i don't think about therapy that much...like i used too...

i'm just annoyed, cuz i don't know what to do...
cuz, i feel like she didn't give me good instructions for transitioning out of therapy, especially because i was moving out of my parents house at the exact same time, she said she would be there, but, coming "as needed" is fine...but, i thought i could at least email, at least have a call here or there ...while i'm transitioning out of therapy...

geeeee.....

thanks for any comments!
and i've just been busy moving and stuff
havent had much time on here.

Reach out and touch her. You have that right.

I would call or email and make an appointment and go tell her these things in person and the two of you get a more firm plan how/if to contact and what's next, etc.

Did you get a chance to taper down your sessions over time? What about seeing her monthly for a while?

I think this is great advice and sure sounds like what you need to do. I mean, it is OK to reach out, like WePow said - you have that right. You also have the right to have clarification of what's going on (or closure if you need that). Right now, it feels uncertain....but you can do something to make the uncertain feel more certain here by just going ahead and making contact to tell her you need a firm plan in place, like Perna says.

I would call her and just tell her all the things that are going on. Moving forward and progress is good and you want to share it with her. She was a huge part of your life for a time and of course you want to share the positives. I am sure she would love to hear them too!

Jazzy how are you doing today? Where you able to call T? Sending many hugs.

i havent told her anything yet... can't decide if i really want too.. well...i WANT too ...trying to decide if I NEED too...i'm trying to deal with it all on my own...

i'm doing okay. taking everything a day at a time.
trying to be grateful!

Please reach out if you cannot carry the burden on your own

i think i'm going to send an email that says i'd like to make an appointment and that although, i want to wait until next week, its becoming increasingly hard too...i feel like there are a few things I MUST say before then but I understand if I shouldn't...idk something like that. i don't really know..but i really want to make an appointment for next week some time! even though, i feel weak for it...something about me feels "off"----idk if neone else has experienced that "off" feeling but yeah.

I think it's good that you are going to make an appointment. It doesn't mean you're weak. I think it means you're stronger for admitting you need some help. You're making a lot of changes in your life, your therapy situation is uncertain (my opinion from what you're posted), and you need to get it straightened out with your T.

thx rainbow...you know, i wrote that hours ago...that i wanted to make an appointment and STILL haven't done it... idk why>? i'm very indecisive. right now.

When I needed to call my T but didn't want to, I was staring at the phone for almost 20 min...finally I told myself to stop thinking about it and just do it. So, thats what you need to do...stop thinking about it, stop going back and forth and push send. Try not to be scared or worry that she will be annoyed...I'm sure she will be happy you felt like you could contact her and a weight will be lifted.

thank you sweetlove... funny thing, i just stare at pc a lot instead of the phone or computer lol...and actually...something just popped in my head just now...right before i read that...i realized i could definitley call, instead of email this time. and now i want to call....

Yey!! Yes, definatly do that...then report back

i just called and it went horrible. she seemed distant, like she didnt want to talk but idk maybe it wasnt me...who knows what people are doing...or going through at certain times...ughhhhh i wish i never started therapy really...i guess nothing bad happened but nothing good happened either. i was just awkward and uncomfortable.

I'm sorry, maybe it was because you haven't talked in while? Did you make an appointment to go see her?