[mightaswelllive]

just got a call that my therapist is in labor. no last appointment. im so worried. i hope shes ok. i cant really talk to anyone about this. im really upset. i didnt get to say goodbye

[with or without you]

ugh, sorry to hear. How long will she be on maternity leave? It really does feel like a loss, doesn't it?

[mightaswelllive]

how come no one ever reads or responds to my threads? it hurts my feelings.

((((((((((((((mawl)))))))))))))

I'm on my iPad, which Ive never posted from, so i hope this works...

I'm so sorry that you didn't have a "closure" session before the baby came. It must feel kind of awful to know t is going through something so huge right now and you have to be on the outside, not really able to look in. I know i ve felt that way when my t has had relatively minor things going on..a medical situation, or a trip, or whatever. The feelings you are having right now must be huge.

I bet t is okay. I've had 3 babies, naturally, and it hurt, but I made it through. I thought about all of the women since the beginning of time who have given birth, and I knew that my body was doing what it was supposed to do.

I'm sorry your feelings were hurt weekends seem to be kind of slow around here.

Know that I'm thinking of you, and that it won't feel like this forever.

(can't figure smilies out on here, but sending hugs)

[with or without you]

Originally Posted by mightaswelllive

how come no one ever reads or responds to my threads? it hurts my feelings.

I just did.......

?

[Kacey2]

Originally Posted by mightaswelllive

just got a call that my therapist is in labor. no last appointment. im so worried. i hope shes ok. i cant really talk to anyone about this. im really upset. i didnt get to say goodbye

Seriously MAWL, what a therapy nightmare!! I am sorry that you didn't get that last appointment for closure. Do you have an appointment with your interim t lined up? I hope you can look forward to that.

Here is a different spin on it. Try to think of it as therapy dating and this is a free pass to feel those crazy unnerving feelings and you get to go back to your good old t at the end of it. Just imagine that first connection feeling you will have with stand in t.

Ok just trying to make you feel a little better, I will stop now and be serious. I would have sooo many 'therapy fits' if I were in your shoes, worse than a toddler I'm sure. I think that through all of this you will have faced so many thoughts and emotions that you most certainly will be stronger. It is my hope that you will enhance your t relationship as well.

Hey remember we are here for you. You might need to lean on us for a while.

[rainbow8]

I'm sorry you didn't get in another appointment before your T is on maternity leave. Does the interim T know her? Will she or anyone else be able to at least tell you when the baby is born and what it is? It would be nice if you could get a congratulations message to her somehow.

How long is her maternity leave? I know how hard this is for you. I hope you will be able to tell the interim T your feelings and concerns. Of course we'll be here too! I'm sorry your feelings are hurt by not getting so many responses yet. Please keep posting.

[granite1]

would you maybe be able to e-mail her or something just to say bye seeing as you had no chance to.i'm sorry

[SpiritRunner]

I'm sorry this is hard for you....both that you didn't get a last session beforehand and perhaps are worried about how she is doing!

[mightaswelllive]

I'm sorry I reacted so strongly so quickly. I replied to my own thread from a few days ago and no one responded and when I saw that this thread only had 4 views it felt personal. I am overwhelmed and not myself so I'm sorry for being crazy.

One of her colleagues called me to tell me she is in labor (god I hope for her sake she's had the baby by now!!!!) and I went into total shock I wrote down her number as she told me but when I hung up I didn't even really know what I was supposed to call her for. After my massive, hyperventilating panic attack started to subside I didn't really know what else to do but call her colleague. I told her that I'd been trying to reach T all day bc I have this huge project going on in my life and I started to worry and when I found out that T went into labor early my day basically exploded and I was in shock and didn't know what to do. I was crying on the phone to this stranger T that I'd never met. I kept apologizing and she kept telling me it's ok. I needed her to know that I'm not that crazy client and that I was already having a bad day and this was icing to my cake (or birthday candles even). T and I didn't even make our plans for her leave other than setting up my interim T. We'd talked about being in touch for a time or two to check in but nothing concrete. I wanted to schedule my 1st session back. I wanted to give her a hug. I wanted to tell her how grateful I am, how this is confusing several months will not damage me but make me stronger, and I wanted to tell her how excited and hopeful I am for her to be a mother of this little munchiekin bebe growing inside of her. I wanted to say goodbye. I didn't get to do any of that. I am hoping and wishing that maybe, at some point, if she has a free moment in the next few weeks that she will email or call, just to check in, make sure everything is lined up for me - but I'm not counting on it. Anyway, she, T's colleague, was very kind and offered to see me this week. I told her I'd get back to her but I probably won't.

I worry we (and yes, I mean all of us T-lovers here on PC) put too much of our faith in our Ts. They are not limitless. They are not superheros. They are not our mothers or fathers or whoever we need them to be. I know she's tried to give me everything she can. I know she's worked so hard for me. I know that her encouragement and dedication has kept me working and striving to be a better, happier, healthier, self-actualized person. But now I also know, really know, she has limits.

Now that I have no major obligations this week, I'm going tomorrow to visit my brother and best friend in another city. I have no idea how long I'll stay but I'm really glad to be getting away. I really need it. I hope it will help me.

wowy - She's on leave until June. And yes, especially because it is so abrupt, it actually feels like a death. I would normally feel bad about the drama of that statement - but T is the only person I share with. I see her twice a week and pour my soul out. I don't have that otherwise. I don't have that now. It feels like a death. How can a birth, such a joyous and magical occasion for her (and family) feel like a death to me? What a sad, lonely person I must me.

kacey - Thanks for the effort Right now I can't even imagine next week. June, going back to see, seems impossibly far. I'm not even sure if I even want to continue therapy if it can cause me this much pain. It's been 7 years now - maybe this brutally emotional experience is an indicator that it's time to be done? Ow Nonetheless, I do have an appointment set up with interim T in 2 weeks. It's going to be effing weird. It makes me want to vom a little

rainbow - T hand picked my interim T. They are friends I think. T's colleague that called me today will let everyone know when she knows that they are healthy and safe. I guess she called me today bc I had an appointment scheduled and she didn't want me to show up blindly with no one to see me. Maybe I'll hear from her in the next day or so?

rainbow/granite - As for the email - I'd been try to reach T all day via phone and email so I actually already sent her an email telling her that I got word of what's going on, that I'll be ok. I also wished her and the family good health and happiness and I told her how strange of a goodbye this is. Anyway, the leave is 4 months

poet - thanks for the hugs

oof, I feel so broken down.

[mightaswelllive]

I'm really glad I took that shell yesterday

Originally Posted by mightaswelllive

I'm really glad I took that shell yesterday

What is a shell?

[mightaswelllive]

Originally Posted by Squiggle328

What is a shell?

she gave me a seashell as a transitional object. she has shells in her office. there was big drama around them a few weeks ago (surely youre thinking, how can there be drama around a shell? well.. read the old threads if you really want to know). and then yesterday she gave me one and i felt weird about it but now im glad i have it.

[Melbadaze]

Might, There must be so many emotions being stirred in you, thankfully my T is past child bearing age lol, I hope this is handled delicately for you.

[sittingatwatersedge]

MAWL, on leave till June I would never make it, no matter how attached to that T I was; I'd have to find another. In the meantime perhaps yr T would give you some phone sessions or at least some phone calls to help you transition; it seems strange to me that she'd just come to term without making this sort of arrangement. (I mean no criticism, it's just that a 4 month absence seems insurmountable to me). Having said all this - I hope the delivery went well and that she & baby are doing well.

Originally Posted by mightaswelllive

I worry we (and yes, I mean all of us T-lovers here on PC) put too much of our faith in our Ts. They are not limitless. They are not superheros. They are not our mothers or fathers or whoever we need them to be. I know she's tried to give me everything she can. I know she's worked so hard for me. I know that her encouragement and dedication has kept me working and striving to be a better, happier, healthier, self-actualized person. But now I also know, really know, she has limits.

T and I talk about this sometimes. He says this is what feels really unfair about therapy - not for him, but for the client. Whenever it comes up, I just want to put my fingers in my ears and yell "LALALALALA" so I can't hear him, but I sit through it and we talk about it.

I am BEYOND grateful for the boundaries...I've had "therapeutic" relationships without boundaries in the past, and don't ever want to go there again...AND I just hate the boundaries sometimes too. It feels so weird to not be able to call when he's sick and say "are you okay?" or whatever. It's just the weirdest relationship ever. One of the most important AND the weirdest.

I hope today is better, MAWL. I'm glad you have a trip planned, and already have connected at least a little bit with another T

[mightaswelllive]

blah just woke up from nightmares 430am. not so good

[Oceanwave]

((((mightaswell)))

I'm sorry you are having a hard time with nightmares. That's no good. Please try to calm down a little: your T is safe and well, and you will be okay too. You are safe now. I am sure you will be able to establish a connection with this other T in the meantime, who is your T's friend and was chosen by her. You can trust her for now. It will all be okay, you'll see. You can survive this, okay?

mightaswelllive, I'm so sorry that it has happened this way. How horribly difficult

I'm glad you're going to hear when they know all is well, and that you have the shell. Can you hold tightly onto it?

Thinking of you

[Kacey2]

Originally Posted by treehouse

T and I talk about this sometimes. He says this is what feels really unfair about therapy - not for him, but for the client. Whenever it comes up, I just want to put my fingers in my ears and yell "LALALALALA" so I can't hear him, but I sit through it and we talk about it.

OMGosh Tree you are sooo funny! LOL! Actually I have done something to this effect with t but when you write it out like that, it is hilarious.

MAWL I hope you are doing ok today. I wish I could write more but I have to leave this morning. I will check in on you later. Do something soothing for yourself today ok? And post it so I know what you did.

[rainbow8]

Have you heard any news yet? How are you doing? I'm thinking of you!!

[mightaswelllive]

I am away and doing okayish. I've been in touch with old T and she is calling me tomorrow. T's colleague called me to check on me and let me know that T and baby are well. I am staying busy. That's all I got for now

[mightaswelllive]

My appointment would have been today. When the time came I got very sad. I really hate admitting this but I'm very angry with T. Also, I thought old T was calling today but I guess not. Maybe tomorrow? I'm back to a mostly stable state but I'm feeling really alone. I'm not looking forward to going home.

I know that must be really hard. I would struggle with being angry too....even if I knew intellectually that T had not abandoned me.

I'm sure she will call you when she has a moment. Newborns are so unpredictable. I remember with my babies how easily I lost track of time, and I was lucky to complete one task on my to-do list.

[mightaswelllive]

Originally Posted by griffinp

I'm sure she will call you when she has a moment. Newborns are so unpredictable. I remember with my babies how easily I lost track of time, and I was lucky to complete one task on my to-do list.

I meant my old T from before I moved. I'm not counting on hearing from T until she's setting up an appointment for when she comes back. No idea