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#1
Jan 16, 2011, 09:05 PM
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This is really, really hard. My kids don't know my history, most of it anyway. They don't know or understand why I'm so jumpy, why scaring me on purpose isn't funny, and especially why having someone touch my neck freaks me out.
My 13 year old was being nice, trying to give me a massage as I stood at the kitchen counter tonight. He was putting his hands on and rubbing my neck. I went cold, you know that feeling? Like someone just dumped a bucket of ice water over you? My hands went numb. I asked him to stop, but he could tell something was "off" about my reaction, and thought it was funny. He was telling his siblings "look what mom does when I touch her neck!" and then doing it so I would turn around and ask him to stop. I can't really explain. He wasn't trying to be a jerk. He doesn't understand. And none of them understand why I'll probably spend the rest of the night in my room, trying to stay calm and not give in to the flashbacks and the memories. I want to cry or laugh or scream or just crawl out of my skin. Instead I'm writing this. I feel really, really weird.
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She left pieces of her life behind her everywhere she went.
"It's easier to feel the sunlight without them," she said. ~Brian Andreas |
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#2
Jan 16, 2011, 09:32 PM
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That is sooo hard. I get that way about physical touch too. Not of my neck in particular but of any kind of touch that seems "commanding" in some way (like a hand on the small of my back). What I would do is sit the kids down and explain triggers, explain why sometimes certain things make people really upset and we should try not to make people upset, and explain that for you, certain things are like that, like touching your neck. Maybe explain that everyone has certain boundaries and we should try to be respectful?
Not sure zoo.. sorry you are triggered 
__________________
He who trims himself to suit everyone will soon whittle himself away. |
 zooropa
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#3
Jan 16, 2011, 09:41 PM
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(((((((((((((zoo)))))))))))))
Ack, neck stuff really REALLY triggers me too. A year or two ago, my youngest (who was 6 at the time) used to put his hands around my neck. Why??!?! I have no idea. I think it was some bizarre way of showing affection. Every time he did it, I wanted to crawl out of my skin. But I didn't want to freak out...it was so hard. Finally, I explained that I really don't like having my neck touched. I said it's just a funny thing about me, and that lots of people have things they don't like and it's totally okay. I gave him some other things he could do - hold my hand, hug me, etc. It took time, but I would gently remind him, and he doesn't do it anymore. A big saying in my house is "different people like different things". I think we started saying it when my two youngest were little and would fight about crazy stuff like whether blue or yellow was better. I would remind them "different people like different things". We use that all the time now. So, if they do something triggering, I tell them to please stop, and remind them that "different people like different things"....and I'm very careful about respecting their boundaries (for example, my autistic son only likes to be hugged certain ways, my oldest son is SUPER touchy and needs lots and lots of hugs, etc). There will be a learning process as all of you get used to living together again, but you are doing it. Is there something distracting you can do besides spending the night in your room? Sometimes when I want to run away and hide is when I need to be around other people the most. Even just putting on a funny movie and knitting or something. Something to keep you connected, and not alone with yourself in your head. Tons of hugs to you... 
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| zooropa
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#4
Jan 16, 2011, 09:50 PM
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Quote:
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| zooropa
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#5
Jan 16, 2011, 10:00 PM
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went in my room and distracted myself by doing some of my algebra homework. Now I'm going to go out, turn off my 19 year old's too-loud music, and wash the dishes. The warm water and the act of making something dirty clean and usable again is calming, sometimes.
My kids are just really, really wound up tonight. They had their first visit with their dad this weekend, and it shows. I'm glad I have therapy tomorrow. Really glad.
__________________
She left pieces of her life behind her everywhere she went.
"It's easier to feel the sunlight without them," she said. ~Brian Andreas |
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#6
Jan 16, 2011, 10:53 PM
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Zoo, maybe you can ask your T for ways to tell your kids what to do or how you feel that they would understand? Hope your night got a little easier.
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| zooropa
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#7
Jan 16, 2011, 11:04 PM
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(((((((Zoo))))))))) you have alot of courage
you are doing well hanging in there.... just keep breathing sending safe hugs |
| zooropa
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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