[rainbow8]

The best thing about my T is that she makes me feel that she and I are in this together. She's not "up there" and I'm "down there." We're a team!

It was a productive session, a combination of talking about our relationship and talking about other issues. I told her about the threads on PC: tree's moon quote, the "what would you do with 60 minutes" thread, and mine on "the moon and the fantasy threads." She liked the quote about the finger and the moon, and relating that to therapy. tree, I hope you don't mind my telling her. I didn't think I was going to tell her my fantasy and how it almost made me cry, but I did! She looked sad for me, but right away she said, and get this:

"We CAN take a walk together. But the lake is too far away." The problem is there is nothing scenic near her office, no park or anything. We'd just be walking outside, but at least it would be different and outside of the office. It has to wait until warm weather, though. I wasn't so surprised because she doesn't have so many boundaries except for not wanting to do therapy via email.

We discussed my reaction to the buzzers and decided I felt alone and sad, not so much angry, and that we have to work, through EMDR, on changing how I feel. It relates to the past because I felt the same way when I couldn't talk. She wants to get it so I have a different reaction to the same stimulus. She also said she took some kind of course online about EMDR and attachment last week. It was about how to help clients with attachment issues. Next week she says I will hold the buzzers but will establish in my mind, a nurturing person, or people, from past and/or present. I can use her, and others. That's in conjunction with the EMDR. It sounds good to me.

When we started, I reminded her we were going to do breathing/meditation. She had forgotten and was glad I reminded her. That calmed me down.

She decided that she will answer 1 email just to say she read it, and to wish me a good week-end and say that she'll see me on Tuesday. She's okay with that, as long as it's not discussing my therapy. I'll see how that feels. I told her the connection is more important than what she writes.

About 10 minutes before we had to stop she asked how I felt. I wasn't sure, so SHE said "how about if I hold your hand?" I LOVE that she asked that. I said "yes" so she came over and sat next to me. I actually looked at her because I've felt like I don't know her lately. It was nice. I don't feel afraid of her at all.

[granite1]

sounds like a really nice session

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

It was a productive session, a combination of talking about our relationship and talking about other issues.

That was at one time the pattern of my sessions--they were so warm and useful too. All woven together--the real world issues and the relation with T. Your session sounds very satisfying, rainbow.

Originally Posted by rainbow8

"We CAN take a walk together. But the lake is too far away." The problem is there is nothing scenic near her office, no park or anything. We'd just be walking outside, but at least it would be different and outside of the office. It has to wait until warm weather, though.

Wow, what a great response from your T! Rainbow, the first time my T and I were together outside his office, we took a walk through his building's parking lot. It was great! I hope the warmer weather comes soon.

Originally Posted by rainbow8

She also said she took some kind of course online about EMDR and attachment last week. It was about how to help clients with attachment issues. Next week she says I will hold the buzzers but will establish in my mind, a nurturing person, or people, from past and/or present. I can use her, and others. That's in conjunction with the EMDR. It sounds good to me.

Me too. I'm glad your T is continuing to learn more about EMDR.

Congrats on getting email back--at least one.

[SpiritRunner]

rainbow, I am so happy you had a productive session! and so glad for you for all that your T gave you, with the email and with offering to hold your hand!

[Sweetlove]

Rainbow, it sounds like you have a wonderful T!

I'm so glad you had a good session. That is so great that she said you could take a walk together...I took a walk with my old T and it was a nice change. I think its great she is going to answer an email for you and give you that contact you need..even if it is just a small amount. I think the greatest part is when she asked you what you needed and held your hand...that must have felt amazing to get that connection for a bit.

This may be a little "out there", but it seems like the "theme" of your session was validation. She validated your fantasy of taking a walk with her, she validated your need for a response to the email by giving you one a week, and she validated your feelings at the end by asking what you needed, sitting next to you and taking your hand. Again, maybe I'm making something out of nothing, but that just kinda jumped out at me. I know that for me, I am always looking for someone to validate my feelings and understand what I want. It is always such a relief when my T confirms my hurt and pain and then can say things I need to hear.

[sugahorse1]

Wow - sounds like an awesome session and nearly brought tears to my eyes. You seem to have such a good connection with T and it's very evident that you really are in this together!
Things can only go from strength to strength in your life and relationship with T!

[ECHOES]

rainbow, a nice session!
I love how you are able to talk about what you need, and I'm delighted for you that she's going to respond to 1 email You and she worked together to come to what will work for you and won't interfere with your therapy. She really holds you in high regard for wanting therapy to take place face to face. I'm glad though, that she can relax her boundaries around the email after talking about it with you

You sound very at ease and very connected - a wonderful place to be!

[rainbow8]

Thanks, granite. Are you alll right?

sunrise: Yes, it was so comforting to hear her response, especially coming so quickly. She said she's taken a walk with another client. I'm glad about the EMDR too. What she is learning fits right in with my problems. I forgot to ask if she got her Level 2 certificate yet, but I know she likes to keep learning.

poetgirl: thanks. About the email situation. I will miss her replies about what I wrote because I liked most of them. I will just have to reread all the ones I printed since we began therapy. I hope her brief note will allow me to feel more connected, though.

sweetlove: Thank you for summing up my session. You'rhe right. My T did validate me and my concerns. She understands me and she tries to meet my needs the best she can.

sugahorse: What you wrote means a lot to me. My T and I were a good fit from the start. It seemed rig:ht. She wanted me to see someone more experienced with EMDR, but I told her I wanted to see HER. She's my 5th T, and the only one I've had this kind of fit with. Our personalities fit, and her orientation fits because it's nurturing and gentle, yet she doesn't lose sight of our goals.

ECHOES: I do feel relaxed because of my session! Thanks!

Of course I sent her a long rambling email but said it's too soon for my response. I still question the feeling so good because of the connection, but remember in the session when I told her Ts always "shatter my dreams" because of the reality of the therapeutic relationship, she said something about not wanting me to feel that way. She doesn't want to shatter my dreams! I hope that's possible because I have trouble keeping it/her into perspective and start looking at the finger, not the moon. I told her in my email that another fantasy is wishing we were sisters! I actually wrote her that. I never felt that about any other T. I never had a sister. It would be nice. I have to relax and just enjoy what she's giving me and not feel that it's not good for me, that it will make me attach more. She thinks it will make me attach less.