[granite1]

so i get to T late because i was sitting on my couch showing my son how to make hemp neclaces.sorry T son comes first and it was so calming to just sit with him making these that i forgot time
so i get thare late no time to be nervous.she had the e-mail on the desk.she asked if i could reads it to her i wasnt able to so she juststarting talking to me about it asking me what was going on it was so hard.i didnt remember how much really went on i accually stayed in the room with her.i talked about things going on that made me feel so ucky and ashamed.i talked to her about some small thing i did at work thursday that started this whole spiral.what is scary is how much i dont remember about these last few days i kind of remember things that happened but a lot of time gone.i didnt even remember what i wrote in the e-mail.all the days kind of mixed together and i dont remembera lot.so i did tell her i thought about her and made this list about my perfect therapy session(i forgot it at home)she asked me to tell her what was on the list.i was only able to tell her two i was to scared to tell all but i told her i would bring it in next week.if i remember.i really tried hard not to shut down at all and just stay with her for the most part i did at times it was really hard.i accually told her how i just was so out of controle but couldnt tell her about the si.but she didnt get mad at me at all.she did ask about something to do with my past and i totally clamed up but she just moved on.i am so not ready to deal with that.but again she didnt get mad she just talked with me.i was ok.i so wish it could be this way all the time when i go thare.going to write in my jornal about things she said

[ECHOES]

That sounds really good, granite!!
Therapy felt that way tonight, and it can again. I'm glad you are going to journal about it so you have that to refer to another time, to remember how it can be easier sometimes

[rainbow8]

granite! Your session sounds so good! YES! You can have therapy be like that all of the time. Each time you talk it will get easier. Maybe you should come in late all the time so you don't have time to be nervous!

[SpiritRunner]

granite, I'm glad it went well for you and you were able to talk! I bet she's proud of you and your progress... I am! And yes, it can be that way again, too. Journaling is a great idea!

[granite1]

she told me i was doing a great job finding words to usei am having a hard time remembering what she has said.she said she realy wants to know what my idea of a perfect session wasand that i should bring in my list next week.i realy hope i dont crash later and start to worry about what i said to her i dont think i said to many bad things

[mixedup_emotions]

(((( GRANITE ))))

You did an AMAZING job of staying present and finding the words. I am so happy for you!!!!

You Go Girl! Yeah Granite!!!!!!

[Luce]

Awesome work, Granite. It will get easier. Myabe it won't ever be 'easy' for you, but it will get easier. The more you are able to share the more you will see that she doesn't freak out or run in horrow from the room or whatever particular scenario plays over in your head for you. And the more you share the more she will be able to respond in ways that are helpful to you, just because she will know you better.
I'm so glad you had a good session today.

[sugahorse1]

Well done - it really sounds like great progress. You are working hard and really moving forwards. It is painful, but you are bigger than that. And you managed to talk.

Depression does cause us to get very confused and days do often seem to mesh into one. Don't worry about it too much - journalling may be able to help you?

[Sannah]

Wow granite! I am so happy for you!!

[sittingatwatersedge]

granite I am impressed! you are really making good progress!
I remember your saying how you couldn't make a sound and now look at you go girl!! this is great every step taken is a step. solid. Real. you did good