[mixedup_emotions]

Zoo, just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you today and hope you are able to make some progress with your session with T today.

Please post an update when you can.

(((( HUGS ))))

[PTSDlovemycats]

I am too Zoo! Hope it goes well!!

[zooropa]

you guys are awesome


I got an email from T saying that I haven't done anything wrong and to please come in today so we can talk about what happened and move on. I literally took a huuuuuuge deep breath when I read her email this morning.

my appt is 3 hrs from now, I'll be back tonight to report. Thank you all SO much for being with me through this process, once again. Triggers are weird and I'm still not sure what set me off exactly, except a combination of factors. I hope by talking it through with T I can discover more about what happened in my head and how to be aware of it in the future.

[Sweetlove]

Good luck Zoo...it sounds like your T is really committed and wants to get past this.

I hope it goes well and you can finally relax a bit

[PTSDlovemycats]

Oh Zoo! That is great! I am so happy for you! Do you need a pocket rider?? If not I am anxiously waiting to hear how it goes today! Good Luck!

[googley]

(((((((((((((Zoo)))))))))))))

I'm so glad that she emiled you and that you are going. Be safe. We are here for you (and in your pockets).

[SpiritRunner]

thinking of you!

[mixedup_emotions]

((((( ZOO )))))

I'm so glad your T reached out to you - that's something I imagine that my T would never do. I am hopeful that this session will help you both understand what was going on....

Zoo, hey wanna trade t's for the night?????? i gotta go in and soooo dooo not want to at all... so you could go to my t and i could go and see yours. and we can both report back to each other and then if the t's are not on the game plan, neither one of us would leave feeling wounded.....

sending safe hugs

[zooropa]

Just checking in really quick from my phone to say I went to T and it was wonderful. Really. Wonderful. I cried, a little. I asked T for a hug at the end. It wasn't our first hug, but it was the first time I've asked for one. She put her arms around me and hugged me so hard you guys. I will come back and write more later.

[PTSDlovemycats]

Oh Zoo! That is wonderful!! Glad it went well!! Thanks for keepng us updated!

[googley]

I am so happy that you had a good session. That is totally awesome.

[with or without you]

That's so great, what a nice thing to cherish for the rest of your life.

[SpiritRunner]

so happy to hear that!

[mixedup_emotions]

AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am SO happy for you, zoo....and a bit envious, cuz my rupture didn't end so warmly. Ugh. But that doesn't take away from how relieved I feel that you had a good session and came away from it feeling so good....Please post more when you can!!!

I am so happy for you....

[zooropa]

I was nervous going into the session, really really nervous. We just jumped right into it, I don't think even did the usual "how are you?" at the beginning.

So I told her all of it, as I remembered it. The things she said that hurt or confused me. The other things going on my life that contributed to my spin out. All of it.

She explained to me what her thinking was when she said the things she did. She explained that, as some of you suspected, she was feeling overwhelmed not with me but with phone calls in general. She apologized for letting that spill over on to me.

We talked a lot about our phone calls. I told her about the process I go through in deciding to call her. I told her I don't think I abuse the opportunity to call her, and she agreed. I told her that I understand that she has other clients who call her, but that I have such a complicated mental process to go through in deciding to call her, I can't and shouldn't have to also consider how busy she may or may not be. She agreed with that, too, and we talked about how I have to trust her to call me back when she can.

I told her that I would rather wait longer for a return call than get the "I have 2 minutes, starting now, GO" type of call from her. She said that she has been giving this a lot of thought and considered whether it would be beneficial to have some sort of limit on our contact, but that she decided that didn't feel authentic or therapeutic. I agree!

We talked about trust, and how fragile it is. I told her what I said here about how I had to keep reminding myself T is not my mom, I'm not a little girl, this didn't all happen before.

The other issue T was having last week was that she was feeling ineffective at coaching me about parenting issues. She said she felt like she wasn't helping, and she's not used to that feeling. She said if it IS helping, I need to let her know. That's when I started crying. I told her she helps me so much. That just knowing she's there, that I'm not doing this alone, helps. She said, ok, then keep calling me about parenting stuff too, then.

It was a long session, 90 mins, but not long enough. I didn't even get to talk about how triggered I was at having cops in my home, or how I dissociated when I was dealing with them at the er with my son. I told her at the end that there were things I didn't get to talk about, so she asked if I want 90 mins next week too. I said yes.

I can tell that T is trying SO HARD to help me. I can tell that she really cares. I know I've been learning this lesson over and over, and I'm hoping one of these times it sticks.

I felt so relieved at the end, relieved and safe and calm. We were standing, scheduling my next session, and T thanked me for coming to see her even though I didn't want to. I asked her if I could have a hug. She just opened her arms, and she hugged me so long and hard. But not too long or too hard, lol. I'm not a touchy feely person, and I don't generally like hugs. But man. That felt so good.

[PTSDlovemycats]

YAY!!!

[rainbow8]

zoo, reading about your session almost made me cry. That's how therapy SHOULD be. I am so happy for you that it turned out that way, and that your T owned up to her part in the phone call interactions. It all sounds wonderful!! She is a very dedicated T and certainly cares a great deal about you! I'm glad you know that now, and you can remind yourself of this session in case you forget again.