[BlessedRhiannon]

I've got a T appointment in less than an hour. Actually have to leave in about 20 minutes. I'm seriously anxious about this session!! The last two have been emotionally intense. I'm not sure I want to do that again today. I have a bunch of things I want to talk about...worried I won't get to them all. I've felt myself shutting down emotionally over the last few days, and I'm worried that I'll be disconnected during session.

Sigh - over a year and a half with this T...I trust her almost completely...and yet before almost every session, I get so anxious. I think, it's mostly because I'm finally really working on my issues, and it's hard, emotional work. I'm scared to access those emotions, I'm scared to deal with them. I'm scared that the emotions will trigger other things I'm trying to deal with, like SI or ED. I know my T is there for me and will help me through it...doesn't make it that much easier, though.

Just....needed to get this out somewhere before I go! Usually I'd toss it in a draft email or on textpad, but I thought...if I toss this out here, maybe someone else will understand! Gah!

[ladyjrnlist]

Let us know how it went. I hope you get it all out. Tell your T about these feelings, too.

[mixedup_emotions]

I totally understand. TOTALLY. I hope your session goes well and that the anxiety will subside....It's hard doing this work.

[inbloom]

Originally Posted by BlessedRhiannon

I've got a T appointment in less than an hour. Actually have to leave in about 20 minutes. I'm seriously anxious about this session!! The last two have been emotionally intense. I'm not sure I want to do that again today. I have a bunch of things I want to talk about...worried I won't get to them all. I've felt myself shutting down emotionally over the last few days, and I'm worried that I'll be disconnected during session.

Sigh - over a year and a half with this T...I trust her almost completely...and yet before almost every session, I get so anxious. I think, it's mostly because I'm finally really working on my issues, and it's hard, emotional work. I'm scared to access those emotions, I'm scared to deal with them. I'm scared that the emotions will trigger other things I'm trying to deal with, like SI or ED. I know my T is there for me and will help me through it...doesn't make it that much easier, though.

Just....needed to get this out somewhere before I go! Usually I'd toss it in a draft email or on textpad, but I thought...if I toss this out here, maybe someone else will understand! Gah!

Oh, yes! Definitely understand. I will tell you that I have been seeing T for 16 years and I still get nervous before sessions. I don't think it has anything to do with trust...I think it just has to do with talking about really tough stuff. It's SO normal! I am thinking of you and hoping that it goes/went in a direction that you feel satisfied/content with!

[SpiritRunner]

I am almost always scared/nervous, even at times terrified, before session. Even though I trust my T deeply too. You're right, it's hard work, emotional work....I know what I am really scared of is dealing with my emotions, with my pain.
I hope session went well for you!

[dragonfly3]

I've been with my t for a year and am always nervous right before. So completely understand!! hope it goes well for you!

[BlessedRhiannon]

Thanks guys. It really helps to know others feel the same!

So...one of these days, maybe it will sink in that 7 out of 10 things I panic about end up turning out fine, or even really good. My session today was one of those 7 times.

I left feeling...really, really good! I haven't felt this way in months! Wow. Just...WOW. The drive home, everything felt more in focus. I felt more in touch. I was actually smiling a little...still am, actually.

We managed to talk about a lot of the things that I've been worrying about, and some difficult things that have been happening lately. We talked about some things I've done this past week, reaching out to others, making connections, that I'm really proud of. I told my T how much I hate being emotional and how I'm tired of crying (even though it was only the last two sessions that I did so) and she told me that she understands, but that it's been good for me...that I seemed more alive today than she's ever seen before, that I seem more in touch with myself. I went from slightly disconnected to a little teary (but no actual tears this time) to laughing by the end. Sometimes I really hate how many emotions I can feel in just under an hour!

We talked some about my thoughts around bringing my parents to a session, trying to repair some of the damage to our relationship. She went through it with me and we both agreed that it wasn't something I could decide on today, that there are some steps I could take with them first. That there is some work I need to do first. But, that we can keep talking about it, and work towards a definite decision one way or the other.

I didn't get to share everything with her that I wanted, but I feel really good about what we did talk about. What we didn't cover this week, I think I can bring up next week (providing I don't have a crisis to talk about).

[Sweetlove]

Glad your session went well. I've been with my T for a little over a year, and ALWAYS get nervous before every session...for whatever reason. Sometimes I've had stuff to worry about, but most of the time it turns out great.

That feeling of leaving with happiness...like you didn't think it was possible...is what happened to me a couple weeks ago. Things have been bad for so long, I forgot how it feels to actually feel GOOD after a session...what a concept!