[dragonfly3]

Hi all.
I just joined.... have been a lurker for a while. I started T a year ago. I have seen other T's before, but never had any kind of connection with them at all. This has been so different and so new. I count down the days until I see her again and think of her as someone I don't want to imagine not having in my life. I would not have made it through the last year without her.
She is more patient with me than anyone has ever been. And I trust her more than anyone in the world, but have such a hard time talking to her. Everything she knows about me is because of email. After our 3rd session I emailed her and just spilled my guts with everything. For months she responded to every email, too. Not so much anymore. She says I hide when I email and then refuse to talk about anything face to face. She still lets me email, just doesn't respond usually.
She hasn't given up on me yet, though and I am grateful for that. She has even told me that I am her favorite client by far.... And I feel like I disappoint her a lot and I just want to stay her favorite client. I want to talk and for her to say that she is proud of me and hug me. And she does all this even though she does say she gets frustrated with me for hiding and not working as hard as I could be and letting my fears get in the way.

I am a little nervous about posting this. Not sure why, just feeling a little weird about it and hope it is ok.

[SpiritRunner]

(((dragonfly))) it is ok, and I'm glad you posted! I'm glad you have a T you feel you can trust.

Definitely ok, welcome Thank you for sharing the situation with your T. There are others on here who have had similar situations, both with T changing the boundaries around emails, and with finding it hard to talk, so I hope that will be of some help.

I can so relate to counting down the days until T day! Hope your day comes round quickly...

[mixedup_emotions]

(((( dragonfly ))))

Thanks for posting!! I can very much relate to sharing more with T by email than face to face. I've had this issue as well. I find that I am able to let my guard down more easily, to break through those defenses, when I am in the comfort of my own home - with time to sort through my feelings, etc. It's very difficult for me to address things "in the moment" because I tend to shut down so easily, because the feelings are so big.

[Sweetlove]

Hi dragonfly...welcome!

I totally understand missing T and going through a withdrawl stage until the next session! I don't know how it feels to communicate through email with my T...we never started that, and I'm kind of glad because I do think I would over analyze and hide to an extent.

It sounds like you have a great relationship with your T though, has she discussed any ways you both can use for you to open up more during session?

[dragonfly3]

We haven't really discussed ways to open up. I am good with the chit chat stuff, just completely shut down if I am at all uncomfortable. I work on that and try to at least get a word out here and there during those times. She says that I will find my voice one day and slowly I think I am.

[inbloom]

Don't have much time but wanted to say welcome, and I totally feel you and understand you....I am glad that you decided to post.