Injustices served

I wrote this in a journal and I wanted to get people's opinions on it. It's about another client of my T's that was treated really unfairly by him and it made me uncomfortable. And lack trust. Before I start my treatment team is a little bit different then the typical team. All the clients know each other. We have group together. It's like inpatient, outpatient.

Today I felt a really big injustice was served toward another client and it ticked me off so badly. My therapist has a tendency to choose favorites and it drives me nuts. It's so unprofessional. So I am one of his favorites. Yay for me. I am expected to be perfect. And there is never anything wrong with me.

But another client who also had PTSD from childhood abuse who is slightly different from me in her attitude he does not like. She's overly dependent, wants things done for her. But I'm really independent and won't let anyone help me. I mean it may seem that we are opposites. But really we aren't. In the grand scheme of things, we're the same. We both spent our childhoods grown up. I stuck with it and she regressed. Neither is right. They are both unhealthy. I can't receive help at all. I may end up dead, because I can't ask anyone to help me. But she is constantly not taking responsibility for herself. As a therapist he should realize this. But he doesn't. He's so mean to her. He gets attitudes with her. He'll say things like "it's not all about you!" and "walk, no one wants to drive you".

While she's not my favorite person in the world, I respect her. Because firstly she's human. And secondly because I know that my reasons for not liking her may be because of my own issues. (i.e she can ask for help for stupid stuff and I would starve to death first). So I'm civil towards her. And she even considers me a nice person who supports her.

She's told me that she is victimized a lot and that a lot of people treat her mean. This translates to me that she is a target to people who are control freaks. Because she will take it, they will dish it out. Aka my therapist. He victimizes her and it's wrong. He's her therapist.

So today it happened again and this time she flipped out. And she deserved to! I mean it did trigger me. The yelling and cursing. But I acknowledged she deserved to freak out. He told her "we're not holding the group just for you". I wasn't around for this one, but I've heard him say others And I guarantee it wasn't what he said, it was the way he said it. His attitude. He is a therapist don't tell me he doesn't know about attitude and how he comes across to clients. He would NEVER say that to me. At the very most he would say "just come in when you're ready okay?" So she deserved to flip out.

Then a couple hours later he had all the staff, and most importantly HER convinced it was her fault she flipped out. I don't know what the staffs opinions were. They may very well think he's too harsh. But he had HER denying her feelings. She was saying "I was upset at Andy over nothing. I was really upset at my family". No you weren't. It was something. It was important until the staff told you it wasn't. Until they convinced you it was over your family And that's not fair. She should be allowed to feel. It wasn't "transference". Don't use that as an excuse all the time. My therapist is disrespectful to her at times and she deserves to be angry. For me I can pick up on this stuff. But some mental health patients can't. And it's a definite level of manipulation and emotional abuse all packed into one.

And then I wonder if he knows he's being an asshole. Because his attitude stinks. And of all people therapists should know that. If he does it purposely because he likes the control? I do know he's a control freak I get this sense in my own therapy with him. If he's having transference issues with her, because she's dependent and he doesn't like that. And prefers to only help those who are anti dependent like myself, then he needs to put it aside. That's part of being a therapist.

It makes me feel so uncomfortable. And the word "conditional" comes into mind. Like if I ever decided to start asking for help would I get treated the same? I've actually asked him this, keeping her out of it. Something pertaining to "I fear that if I start asking you for help that you'll stop wanting to help me". Because right now while I'm anti dependent he'd give the shirt off his back for me to feel half safe and it's actually sickening for me, because of my of anti dependence. Most of me pushes him away and puts up comfort zones 200 yards away. I've told him that it makes me uncomfortable (I'm all about honesty) and he's learned to back off.

Does anyone have any opinions on this? Because I feel sort of trapped. I feel really unsafe with him as a therapist, and I've expressed this to him in the past. But everytime I bring up finding a new therapist there is a new reason why I shouldn't. It went from "No, you can't you have so much more to teach me!" to "Of course it's free will but do you really think you're ready for that?" And I would answer "no" shyly. To "Well I think you need to stay here, so you can learn to trust a male". And now I finally put my foot down and said "NO MORE I AM LEAVING". And now he says my insurance won't cover another therapist. Only the program. And I don't even know how to validate this?

I am so lost and confused and he won't help me get into an inpatient facility, despite active suicidal thoughts related to my PTSD. I haven't been in a hospital in years. I think he fears that they may discharge me to another program. I want to go so that I can break this cycle at least and free myself from chains.

Is there anyone else on top of your t that you could bring this issue to?

What you have written about him playing favorites, the attitude he has with this other client, the things he has said to you when you express a desire to leave and he isn't seeming willing to let you go - all these things sound disturbing and unprofessional to me!
I wonder if you couldn't research yourself and find out if your insurance would cover something else?
I want to be careful with this thought - but would it at all be possible, if you really do feel you are at risk with the suicidal thoughts, to simply go to the ER or something and get yourself checked into the hospital?
I wonder too if you have anyone else at all to whom you could express these concerns about your current T's words/attitude/behavior, someone who might be in a capacity to help you?
I'm sorry you're in this difficult situation.

As far as going to an ER, it's definitely possible. But it's a complicated situation. I have a dog who would be homeless if I went into the hospital and he's also my caseworker. So he refuses to help me figure that situation out. It's an important one, as my dog is a major part of my recovery and I will not leave her behind. Even he claims that I cannot leave her behind, but he will not help me find a solution.

As far as his upper. I have gone to her. We sat there for twenty minutes as she told me how great he was and how much she loved him. It made me so sad because I felt that I could not tell her anything after that. That she wouldn't believe me anyway. I've even tried to bring it up with my psychiatrist who works with him as well, and my psychiatrist actually got upset that I dare claimed he wasn't efficient at his job. And the only parts I brought up was how I felt I needed another therapist because my time with my current T wasn't productive or good for me. I feel that my therapist is manipulative enough to have got uppers on his side. I even told him this. (hey honesty is my policy). I told him I felt he was manipulative and he just laughed at me. Having PTSD, it's part of the survival mechanism to pick up on subtle cues like this.

There are people he works with I could talk to, like my past caseworker (before my case was taken over by my therapist) or the RN however they are below him and telling them would only put a burden on them. They can't do anything about it and talking about their fellow coworker would do nothing but make it awkward for them. "Gossip".

He doesn't sound very professional or helpful for that matter at all!

Personally I would run a mile from this. We can get stuck in our childhood "dramas" and not be aware their are healhier models out there.

Wow! This sucks...for people recovering from PTSD feeling powerless just feeds into the illness. I wish I had some words of wisdom for you. You sound like a caretaker (I'm the same way) Could you maybe leave some of the other clients issues for her to deal with? I know it is disturbing to witness, but you're there to help YOU. Sometimes insurance companies have counselors who answer the phone regarding MH issues, could you call your insurance and see if there are other options.
This guy sounds like a jerk who doesn't belong in a therapy role, obviously he has either pulled the wool over the eyes of the other members of the treatment team or they are just unwilling to deal with him.
I'm curious, have other members of your group commented on these situations? Maybe others would be willing to go to upper with you?
Sorry this is happening...therapists should resolve their own issues before trying to help others!

At least one other client has discussed dissatisfaction with him as a therapist on a deeper level. They even brought up the fact that they worried he controlled me too much. But most of his clients see his surface as he doesn't see them as much as I do, because they are not on his favorites list. And trust me when I say this, I am NOT bragging about being on this favorites list. It's a lot of hard work. I never know when my illness will get bad and if that will push him away because I will temporary need him to be there more. It's like if I get sick I loose support. Which only reinforces my whole past. So I often have to act happy when I am feeling terrible. And it ends up in a complete melt down eventually.

And I'm actually not a caretaker. In the triad of dysfunctional families I'm not any of them. I'm anti dependent. What he says to her effects me on a personal level as well as in general it's not fair to her as a person. I didn't try to rescue her or step in. But I did care about her as a person and putting myself in her position it was unfair.

I'm not getting proper treatment at all from him and it's so frustrating. I dissociate and end up self harming every therapy session (as well as outside of therapy) to avoid talking about my past and he won't let me see another therapist. He doesn't specialize in trauma but he's "certain" I don't have DID and that it's "just not possible", because I got diagnosed with it years ago by a psychiatrist. That's a pretty serious diagnosis that shouldn't be ignored.

It sounds to me as though you have a lot more insight than your T or the others in your treatment facility. Do you have no real alternatives? I have had similar experiences and have no real idea what to do about it, except that those people are probably quite well-defended against admitting what they are doing, so trying to work with them will be hard, if not impossible for you under the circumstance of you being the patient.

I agree Pachyderm and this is where most of the frustration comes in. I am all about honesty and openess, especially in a therapeutic setting, but when your the patient they can use such words like "delusional" "transferent" "manipulative" just to prove that what you're trying to get across isn't accurate. I have PTSD I have never been "delusional". I have only counter transferred what my therapist has done and while I won't lie and say I'm not 100% manipulation free for a survival mechanism of sorts. I try my very best to remain open and honest and if I catch myself I correct it. It's disappointing because it's taking advantage of us as having illnesses and even me being high functioning can't intervene what are those who aren't high functioning supposed to do? Just take it? My old treatment team would have never done things like this. (put staff ahead of patients, mistreated patients, etc). I'm not saying all the staff in my team is like this. But the people who can do something about it are. I wonder if the ones who can't notice it too.

Can you do something (gently) to find out if they do notice?