[WePow]

Well, last night I had the STRANGEST dream!! UGGGG!!!
I suppose it has to be with going to session Monday.
But there I was trying to see him and he had me go into his office, but then it was a livingroom. Then he got a phonecall from a friend and asked me to hang on.. so I was there and he was laughing and then turned on the TV and I was still waiting. Then he got off the phone and went to get something to eat from the fridge. Then he was eating cake and I kinda wanted some since it was chocolate but I was afraid to ask.

So I kept telling him "I REALLY NEED to talk with you about last week!" but he continued to push me away. Then he looked at his watch and said "Well, time is up for this week. Same time next week?" And I started to cry and ran out of the office. I woke up a little at this point actually crying.

Then after I left T office, I was trying to escape his building and got lost in a maze and found a basement with tons of chocolate cupcakes someone was just going to throw away but they were still good. So I wanted to eat one but every time I tried to take one I was overwhelmed with guilt since I thought it was stealing from my T.

~~~~~~~

The reason I am posting in this forum instead of the dream forum is because I wonder if this is my mind feeling so bad for all the emails I have sent my T. Almost like I am stealing his personal time with my stuff?

My T has never and would never act like he did in this dream. But it was a very POWERFUL and emotionally draining dream. And I do see T Monday. I am terrified of going back? Maybe. Yes? .... and No at the same time. In the dream, I WANTED very much to talk with my T. That is my emotion now. But I suppose the fear of the emotions is there in a very big way for me.

I decided to do some art therapy around this for myself this AM.
I posted my pic in the Creative forum if you are curious how that turned out. It represents my emotions unfreezing after a very hard and long winter... turning into the rapids and waterfalls.

[SpiritRunner]

Originally Posted by WePow

The reason I am posting in this forum instead of the dream forum is because I wonder if this is my mind feeling so bad for all the emails I have sent my T. Almost like I am stealing his personal time with my stuff?

My T has never and would never act like he did in this dream. But it was a very POWERFUL and emotionally draining dream. And I do see T Monday. I am terrified of going back? Maybe. Yes? .... and No at the same time. In the dream, I WANTED very much to talk with my T. That is my emotion now. But I suppose the fear of the emotions is there in a very big way for me.

(((WePow))) It could very well be your subconscious acting out guilt/shame/fear. I remember a dream not so long ago where I was in T's waiting room and someone else came in, too. I looked at my appt card and I had the right time....the other person had the wrong time. But she totally froze me out and told the other person that they were much more important than me and that I could wait.....it gave me the hugest lump of pain in my chest and throat and I woke up with it. Understanding that it was the fear of abandonment, the feeling of being insignificant to my T and in general, the feeling of doubting her love and others' love in general......So yeah, I think dreams do reveal a lot, and maybe your dream is revealing to you that there is this thought process in there ..... even though you KNOW you are not stealing anything from your T or asking too much from him, though your needs do feel very big!

[mixedup_emotions]

UGH. What a disturbing dream that must have been for you! I do believe that sometimes dreams are some kind of release of some pent up feelings. My T usually has me pick an inanimate object in the dream and give it a voice. The cupcake, for example, may represent something really important. Can you try to give the cupcake a voice and see what it says?

[Sweetlove]

Wepow, I think that dream is extremely interesting. My T strongly believes that dreams are metaphorical and always have a deeper meaning. I definatly think yours is exactly that. I hope you tell your T about your dream, I'm sure he will have a lot to say about it..and give you some better insight since he already knows your story.

Let us know your session goes tomorrow...I'll be thinking of you

[WePow]

MUE, well... I took a shower and thought about your question.
My first insight was interesting. The cupcake was saying "There is so much here! You have a right to have me! Why are they keeping me from you? Don't you deserve me?" ... uggg... that got me into remembering when I was young.

When I was 10-16 yrs old, my family had some very tough financial years. We were always poverty level, but sometimes more so than at other times. My mom always made sure we had food, but it had to stretch.

Because I was the girl, my brothers always got second helpings. I was the oldest, but that didn't matter. I made the best grades, but that didn't matter. I was still the girl and I was expected to be like my mom and allow the boys in the family to eat as much as they wanted to eat. If there was an extra hotdog, they split it two ways between my two brothers rather than 3 ways to include me.

I felt guilty because I hated being a girl and hated that my stomach would be growling when I left the table. I had to eat slowly and could not leave until they were done eating. So I had to watch them lapping up the food while I picked at mine so it would stretch out until dinner was over.

This is very painful to write and think about. It is like no matter who I am or what I am or how hard I try, that because I am a girl, I don't deserve to have my needs met the way a male can have his needs met. ????

[mixedup_emotions]

Originally Posted by WePow

MUE, well... I took a shower and thought about your question.
My first insight was interesting. The cupcake was saying "There is so much here! You have a right to have me! Why are they keeping me from you? Don't you deserve me?" ... uggg... that got me into remembering when I was young.

When I was 10-16 yrs old, my family had some very tough financial years. We were always poverty level, but sometimes more so than at other times. My mom always made sure we had food, but it had to stretch.

Because I was the girl, my brothers always got second helpings. I was the oldest, but that didn't matter. I made the best grades, but that didn't matter. I was still the girl and I was expected to be like my mom and allow the boys in the family to eat as much as they wanted to eat. If there was an extra hotdog, they split it two ways between my two brothers rather than 3 ways to include me.

I felt guilty because I hated being a girl and hated that my stomach would be growling when I left the table. I had to eat slowly and could not leave until they were done eating. So I had to watch them lapping up the food while I picked at mine so it would stretch out until dinner was over.

This is very painful to write and think about. It is like no matter who I am or what I am or how hard I try, that because I am a girl, I don't deserve to have my needs met the way a male can have his needs met. ????

Wow, WePow....that must have been awful. The idea of it elicits feelings of being less than, unworthy, inferior. Blech. I hope you can talk to T about the dream and what's coming to you....

[ECHOES]

Do you think that food represents nurturing in your dream?

[WePow]

Echoes, I think the food represented what I needed. This whole rupture of the past week was over me asking for what I needed only to have someone else get what they needed before I got what I needed. It does make sense now to me.
I will be so glad to see my T in 27 hours.

[Oceanwave]

Originally Posted by WePow

Echoes, I think the food represented what I needed. This whole rupture of the past week was over me asking for what I needed only to have someone else get what they needed before I got what I needed. It does make sense now to me.
I will be so glad to see my T in 27 hours.

Wow! You figured it out!

[Suratji]

WePow - I'm so sorry your family treated you that way. That is so so so so horrible I cannot even imagine. Man, I was feeling emotions just reading about your experience. I will cry for your past suffering.

Yes, dreams can be powerful symbols of what's going on with us and can lead us to deeper insight. I hope you share this dream with your T. Good luck

[WePow]

((((Suratji))))) Thank you. I am ok now though. I keep food around me all the time now. LOL. But thank you very much for your empathy. It gives me a deep respect for other woman in other parts of the world who still don't get to eat what they need because the food goes to the men.

Oceanwave .... :-)