Just text T to say I am mad at her...

Still no reply yet from T today....

I'm new to this forum so if what I have to say doesn't make sense to you, PTSDlovemycats (love cat's by the way and have three of the freakin' demanding beasts!), just jettison what I'm saying and move on.

I'm a person who admittedly presses in on her therapist. I email her on a regular basis, not frivilously, but with what I believe has a serious point or critical theme. I don't expect a response, but I do expect her to address my thoughts in our next session. . .. unless I've moved onto something else and then I expect her to just forget what I mentioned in my email This, by the way, drives her nuts!

I love to "breakdown" our therapy sessions into emotional/behavioral terms(I use M. Linehan's worksheet on CBT breakdown)--what triggered me, why I was thinking and acting the way I was and how it was in response to my transferance issues to what she said or what she did and how it relates to other issues/patterns in my usual behavior in social situations .

That said, I think that we sometimes overwhelm our therapist's after a period of time--usually when we've been in therapy over a year or two (not sure how long you've seen this therapist). I don't know about you--but I've read some of your posts--I think that your therapist has been pretty receptive and responsive to your out of session contacts. In my opinion, our therapist's put up with our attempts to keep contact with her OUTSIDE of session for a while", but then she realize that no matter how much support and care she give in or out of session it isn't enough. She begin to recognize that she can't nurture or love us into health. It's about then that she begins to realize that what she have provided isn't going to "bring about change". She begins to realize that she is going to have to push a little against the resistance to change. Reality? Am I interested or invested in that? If people ask me, of course I want to change! I'm not crazy! I want to be healthy and happy. I want strong and intimate relationships.

But then, if I'm being honest? Do I really want to make the changes my therapist tells me is necessary? Do I want to face the fear and pain involved? Are you nuts? Are you for real? Heck, NO! I want to be safe and secure and without pain or discomfort. This is normal human behavior. Sometimes we're forced to believe that we are wimps or chicken in our failure to change. Guess what? All humans seek comfort and safety. If I'm honest, I have to recognize that I want someone to take care of me . .. Oh wait, I don't want that, I'm the independent mavarick who has always taken care of herself!!!! It's so confusing. I'm not trying to be insulting or critical. I just think that we all need to look at the reasons why we reach out continuously to our therapist's, expecting them to "save us". They can't save us. They can only show us the way . .. and sometimes we rebel and want to self injure to make the discomfort of having to be responsible for ourselves go away.

I sure hope you and your therapist are able to work this out. From what i've read of your relationship with this therapist, it makes me believe that the connection is strong and will weather this blip in its connection. Best of luck!

Thanks for your comments and yes I am also confident that my T and I will get through this together. Thanks again Jaybird!

Improving, I looked for that book today but they didn't have it in stock but they did have another one with the same title that is a DBT workbook for teens. I was going to get that one as the computer said that they had 2 copies of it but I couldn't find it anywhere in the store. I am going to go to a different location tomorrow to try to find either the one that you mentioned or the one that is for teens. Wish me luck!!

cats i think your T and my T must have gone to the same how to be pushey seminar.i know she is probibly right and you do need to not be so stuck but i know how this feels.to suddenly have T change up everything and start pushing you.i just got totally terrified and confused.still am.i am just trying really hard to just trust that she cares and knows what she is doing.not easy i know .it is a huge leap of faith.i hope you will be able to discuss this with her next session.

BTW my t pulled out the feeling faces for me to look atit really didnt help much i just kind of stared at them wasnt shure what to do with them.

I guess the other thing that is bothering me about all of this is that T said that she was going to start pushing me harder so that we would be able to get through some more things hopefully sooner than later because there is a possibility that she might take a leave for a bit and she said that she needs to know that I will be ok when that time comes.

She also said that she needs to feel that I will be ok then too so that she won't have to worry about me constantly. She said that she will think about me but doesn't want to be constantly worried, She wants me in a good place so she can think "oh I wonder how Cats is doing now, especially since she is so much better now than how she was doing a year ago." She said that she NEEDS to feel ok about me in order for her to take her leave or she will not be comfortable with it at all so I need to do my part and to quote her "You need to work your *** off, get better, not try to kill yourself anymore, don't get yourself to the point where you are spinning out of control and I have to drive you to the hospital again and admit you to the psych ward myself. and if you could do all that rather quickly that would be optimal.Thanks" Yea sure, -no pressure at all now is there T?

I think she wants to cram the next 2yrs of my therapy into 6 months so that we will be done so that we don't have to worry about having to find me a replacement T while she is off...But I think she knows the truth. It's not going to happen!! Maybe after I talk to her and tell her how overwhelmed I am when I see her on Tuesday, she will ease up on things for me.

I can only hope!!!

Well, I looked all over for that book today but everywhere that I went was out of stock...

Improving -I just wanted to let you know that I found a copy of that book today! It is great. I really like the feeling thesaurus glossary at the back of the book. EXACTLY what I needed. Thanks so much!!

Lastyearisblank -I am just wondering which thread or what was it that I said that you liked? I can't seem to find or remember it. Just curious.

I have never seen the feeling faces before, I wonder if my T has them too....I think that maybe it might help me recognise my feelings a little better....Just a thought...

Cats, your T's new plan sounds like it is for her and not you????

Yeah, my T asks me a lot during session "So what are you feeling now?" And so often I respond, "I don't know." I know I feel emotional but I can't pin down exactly what the emotion is. But, I've learned from T that that is one thing I need to learn - feel my emotions (don't bury them) and identify them. I had no idea it would be so difficult.