Afraid of what's going on in my therapy!

I don't want to "space out" tomorrow but being there with my T again may be intolerable for me. I want the intensity but it's not appropriate so I will probably not face it. I saw the progression in my emails to her with the last one showing compassion for my parts, but that's different from sitting in my session across from her, trying to talk. I have all these feelings and needs and I know they aren't my "fault", but it's too much for me. I don't want to go into hiding but the alternative is too scary! There's a middle ground but then I will be disappointed because I won't feel the intensity that I want but shouldn't want. What in the world am I going to do? I know they are transference feelings but my T is still a person and I don't want her to SEE that she's one of those people in my life who I "fall in love with." Of course she knows that already. It's about my pattern; I know it's not about her but I'm still embarrassed. Does all this make sense to anyone? I think I'm complicating a simple case of transference, but it's not so simple. My T says we're all complicated! All my wires are crossed. Well, some of them. I don't know why I'm posting this.