Losing longterm therapist

I had initial posted this in the grief section but Doc John said I should post it here. I lost my therapist of 20+ years. He was my first pmd and he kept me alive. Hr stuck by me through many hospitalizations and was the first person that had been there for me. Suddenly he had to go on a "voluntary agreement not to practice" order by the medical board. I, still being in the midst of chronic severe depression, was lost but also felt terrible for him. I couldn't call him or anything. I would send him a card once in a while just one of those fun keep your chin up cards. 9 months later he called to say he was resigning to stop the investigation because they were suspending his lic.for 5 years. His resignation is irreversible. It has been two years since I have seen him and I still hurt and I still cry. About 8 months ago I found a new pmd who is wonderful, caring and willing to work with me. He knew and at one point worked with my old pmd. This helps some because he realizes how big a loss this was. He also knew of me from a couple of hospitalizations although he never treated me. I know how fortunate I am to have this new pmd but I still have this big empty place in me. I was diagnosed with complicated grief disorder on top of new PTSD from this . I am trying so hard to move on. Has anyone else ever been through this? I feel like there is something really wrong with me. I was never "in love" with him, but came to love him as a person and one of the only people that was ever there for me in my life. Any feedback would be appreciated. Thanks for listening.

Oh, nannypat, I'm so sorry you lost your pmd to his having to resign from practicing. I don't see anything strange about your grieving for that relationship; he was an important person in your life!

I'm glad you have a new pmd you like and who knew your former one. I had that happen with my female dentist whom I loved; she changed practices and I lost her and didn't even get to say "goodbye" (inbetween my six or more month appointments). But the dentist I have now and like knew and worked with her and that does help some.

I guess the other thing I miss too.is he used to give me a hug sometimes when we ended the session if I wanted one. I miss him so much, and I miss his hugs. He used to tell me he wished he could carry me around in his shirt pocket and take care of me all day. As much as I like my new pmd and I really think I can make some, maybe different, but needed type of progress, I think he is very hands off.

nanny didn't have the same ending but moved away from the therapist that saved my life too. was a client for 11 years with him and my pdoc, same story. they worked hand in hand with me.
we certainly wont forget that wonderful bond we had. but i do believe there's a certain order/cause of things in our life. your new T sounds like you may experience the same with him in due time. might help you to bring this up in your next session with newer T. i'm sure he can offer you suggestions of your getting thru your grief.

We have talked about how much I miss him but I am really uncomfortable talking about touch with him yet. He knows my past therapist used to give me a hug because one of our first sessions I talked about wanting to see him one more time. He asked me what I wanted to say and I told him I wanted to say good-bye and have one last hug. I knew I couldn't see him, though because I couldn't turn and walk away from him and be safe. I still don't know if I could do that if I had the chance to see him. Did it take you a long time to move on? Thabks for sharing with me.

I feel your pain. I have a therapist who has been working with me for 20 years. I don't remember a time that she was not a part of my life. I dread the day she retires. She is almost 67. She told me that she knows that I will always need some form of contact with her and that would be OK...but it won't be the same
she is like a Mom to me.