[Kacey2]

I emailed my t today about my appointment for tomorrow. My t has said that I am just completely disconnected from him. (I know, big surprise for you all)

.......So I had an idea....... since it has been a while since I have been in t maybe we could take inventory, but in a different way.

I have been having such a hard time sharing absolutely anything with him, it is like we are strangers. My idea was that I would come in and we would pretend that this was an intake session. I would go by the name "Meghan" and we would have to stay in the role play like we have never met before. He is to fill out all his paperwork like he did the first session and I will answer honestly. (no pretending on that part)

At the end he will present a diagnosis and treatment plan and I will have time to ask any questions of this new therapist.

Neither one of us is allowed to break the role play and he has to call me by my new name.

I emailed this to him and he agreed. What do you guys think? Do you have any ideas of what questions I should ask? If you had a "do over" first session with your t what would you do differently? What would be important to you? Do you think this is just silly or what? I am not sure what I got myself into but I think that it will be interesting.

[jexa]

What a cool idea, Kacey! Will you tell him new things, things he doesn't know yet? I think this will definitely make for an interesting session -- glad your T agreed to it.

If I were you, I might ask questions that would be hard to ask if I were myself. Like tree asked her T in the beginning -- SO many questions about boundaries that helped her feel safe -- those questions would be too hard for me to ask if I were myself, but maybe if I was pretending to be someone else I would ask those kinds of questions.

[Kacey2]

I for sure would like to ask him if he uses touch in therapy. I would like to ask him how many clients he has. I would like to ask him what area of therapy he feels he is most skillful in. What is the longest amount of time he has worked with a client.

I don't know.............so nervous............but that is what I would like to ask.

[SpiritRunner]

Originally Posted by Kacey2

I emailed my t today about my appointment for tomorrow. My t has said that I am just completely disconnected from him. (I know, big surprise for you all)

.......So I had an idea....... since it has been a while since I have been in t maybe we could take inventory, but in a different way.

I have been having such a hard time sharing absolutely anything with him, it is like we are strangers. My idea was that I would come in and we would pretend that this was an intake session. I would go by the name "Meghan" and we would have to stay in the role play like we have never met before. He is to fill out all his paperwork like he did the first session and I will answer honestly. (no pretending on that part)

At the end he will present a diagnosis and treatment plan and I will have time to ask any questions of this new therapist.

Neither one of us is allowed to break the role play and he has to call me by my new name.

I emailed this to him and he agreed. What do you guys think? Do you have any ideas of what questions I should ask? If you had a "do over" first session with your t what would you do differently? What would be important to you? Do you think this is just silly or what? I am not sure what I got myself into but I think that it will be interesting.

Wow! I think this is an awesome idea! I think it has great potential....
I like that you asked for the diagnosis and treatment plan.
What Jexa said about asking questions that you might find hard to ask as yourself is good. Or questions that you KNOW from your own experience you would like to ask. Me, I'd ask lots of boundary questions, clarify out of session contact, phone/email policies, self-disclosure, etc....

[jexa]

Originally Posted by Kacey2

I for sure would like to ask him if he uses touch in therapy. I would like to ask him how many clients he has. I would like to ask him what area of therapy he feels he is most skillful in. What is the longest amount of time he has worked with a client.

I don't know.............so nervous............but that is what I would like to ask.

I like that. Those are all reasonable questions for a first client to ask. Absolutely reasonable. I understand your fear. Imagine that Meghan is just like you except utterly self-confident regarding matters such as this

(((((((((((Kacey))))))))))))))))

What a great idea Doing things differently in session (like you are going to do!) seems to always strengthen my connection with T and move things forward a little bit more in my healing.

Will you come back and let us know how it goes??

[jazzy123456]

dont know what to say.. i do know thats interesting and would love to have my own do-over because i came in a rushing panic to therapy...barely asked any questions,
this lady could quote my life story from beginning to end and i barely know a thing about her... good luck with this though, hopefully you come up with some good questions.

[Sweetlove]

Kacey, I think this is a great idea. If I had a "do-over" first session, I would absolutely ask about touch, outside session contact (ex: emergency situations), and what he does when client has a breakthrough, meltdown, or full blown freak out...things I still tend to wonder about.

Good luck

[PTSDlovemycats]

That is sucha cool idea and it is awesome that he agreed to it. Good luck and let us know how it goes!!

[Kacey2]

I can't write a lot because I am at work but I will try to write more tonight. I just wanted to say my role play was totally awesome! My t did an awesome job at pretending it was the first time we had ever met. I thought it was great. There wasn't anytime left at the end for me to ask many questions but we made a follow up appointment to discuss treatment and any questions I might have. T called me from the waiting room using my fake name and for my next appointment time too.

[SpiritRunner]

Originally Posted by Kacey2

I can't write a lot because I am at work but I will try to write more tonight. I just wanted to say my role play was totally awesome! My t did an awesome job at pretending it was the first time we had ever met. I thought it was great. There wasn't anytime left at the end for me to ask many questions but we made a follow up appointment to discuss treatment and any questions I might have. T called me from the waiting room using my fake name and for my next appointment time too.

Sounds cool! He really got into it, didn't he?!

[sailboat]

Wow, you're so brave to have done this!! Can't wait to hear about it in details

Kacey, I'm *so* happy that you thought for yourself of a way to help you and T get out of your stuck situation (what a fab creative idea!), and good for your T for playing along. So very glad this is helping you

[PTSDlovemycats]

Wow that's awesome! Way to go!

[amandalouise]

Great idea Kacey. Im glad it worked out so well for you. at first when I saw your post I was like oh boy could this ever backfire.

Im real glad it didnt backfire on you in any way..

now you have me hooked and wondering where do you go from here...

she hasnt given you a diagnosis nor treatment plan as of yet..

what happens when during your next appointment and you and the T are in role mode of being stangers, she tells you a diagnosis and treatment plan that you are not prepared for. considering the two of you are being fully face on honest with each other and pretending to be strangers, what if the news about diagnosis and treatment plan is a downer for you.. Now that you have been completely honest there may be other diagnosis's and treatment plans that were not part of your sessions before..

Are you going to be ok if something you dont expect comes up?

another question where do you go from here.. do you and your T keep on this role playing in future sessions..and where will it end so that she can see you not "meghan" during her sessions.

Right now,you know you are meghan and meghan is you but role playing can be addicting and counter productive, and can cause long term and short term mental problems.

my suggestion now that you have been completely honest with each other and have a starting point established, is possibly going in to your next appointment as your self not meghan. this way if the T says anything shocking or unexpected about your diagnosis and treatment plan you both can relate to each other in a familiar tone instead of strangers, you may need the comfort zone of your past sessions and how she in the past helped you through tough times, just be yourself so she can be her self and help you in a way that has worked in the past for you.

Roles are a strange thing. therapists cant really be nurturing, caring and all that for someone that they just met. a client therapist relationship gets developed over time.

Example in work mode if a just met client is upset as the therapist I can only be formal attitude using what I have learned in school and internship to guess what that client needs from me,

but with the client I have seen for a while Im able to use that trust and intuition to guide the client wit a less formal attitude.

your T knows you, but with the role playing she will have to use a more formal attitude and leave out the special little things that you and she have build up over time, that helps you,

Another question - now that you have role played as meghan being honest with your T, is your T going to expect this kind of behavour from you from now on. Around here once the client shows they are capable of being honest with us and talknig with us and working a well thought out plan such as that of role playing, that client is expected to be just as forthcoming and diligent at working in therapy as they have shown they can. (this is where the backfire comes in, we use role playing here both at the crisis center and at the hospital mental ward. We have had clients suggest various role playing ideas, but they are not really prepared to follow through in the future, with using their new found voice and ability to work on problems, as one of the mental ward clients stated "great I come up with a great idea and it comes back to bite me in the *****, It was not for real it was just playing you cant ....)

well you get the idea, clients get very upset sometimes when we therapists follow through with setting future expectations of what we see worknig and getting accomplished through role playing.

suggestion before you and your therapist go any deeper into this role playing spend some time working out the bugs like what happens in the future, what are the future expectations of you by your therapist, what are your future expectations of your therapist. are you both going to continue to keep your distance from each other or what have you.. all those kinds of questions that can lead to this role playing feeling like its come back to bite you, you know where.

so far everything looks great, I hope things continue to be good for you and your therapist.

(((((((((((((Kacey)))))))))))))))

yay! It sounds like the session was just what you needed. I love that T was so willing to really dive into it with you.

It is a gift when T lets us decide what we need, even when it's outside of what is "typical" for therapy.

You have a good T, and I really have no doubt that together, you and he will use this to keep moving forward in your therapy.

T and I have "switched roles" a few times...not planned, but spontaneously. I've sat in his chair and he's sat on the couch, and I've been able to ask questions that I probably wouldn't ask otherwise. We haven't had any problems remembering who we "really" are, and ending the role play when the time came.

Good work

[Kacey2]

OK I was going to post about my session in more detail but my week has just been super crazy. So I do not have another apt til next friday and that is when we go over the therapy plan and I get to ask my questions. Anyone have questions that they would love to ask their t if they could have "Meghan" do it? I will have to start brainstorming and probably write them down.

I will keep posting how my sessions as Meghan goes for anyone who is interested. Like I mentioned I won't have any new material until friday.

I apologize for not being able to respond to anyones threads lately. I am very overloaded and by the time I check pc at midnight I am too tired to reply. I just check in to see how everyone is doing.

Amanda Louise you had so many insightful things to say to me. Thank you. I will have to think more in depth about all of that. I do think that you are right on the money on how addicting it can be to pretend. It is like I don't want to be me and I want to just be Meghan now. Because Meghan is fresh and new and she doesn't have all the problems and flaws that I do. It will definately be hard to go back to the other old way of doing t. Let me think about the other stuff you wrote as well. Once again thank you.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by Kacey2

OK I was going to post about my session in more detail but my week has just been super crazy. So I do not have another apt til next friday and that is when we go over the therapy plan and I get to ask my questions. Anyone have questions that they would love to ask their t if they could have "Meghan" do it? I will have to start brainstorming and probably write them down.

I will keep posting how my sessions as Meghan goes for anyone who is interested. Like I mentioned I won't have any new material until friday.

I apologize for not being able to respond to anyones threads lately. I am very overloaded and by the time I check pc at midnight I am too tired to reply. I just check in to see how everyone is doing.

Amanda Louise you had so many insightful things to say to me. Thank you. I will have to think more in depth about all of that. I do think that you are right on the money on how addicting it can be to pretend. It is like I don't want to be me and I want to just be Meghan now. Because Meghan is fresh and new and she doesn't have all the problems and flaws that I do. It will definately be hard to go back to the other old way of doing t. Let me think about the other stuff you wrote as well. Once again thank you.

no rush, i think I posted more for food of thought for you, then for you to actually answer me.

I do know how addicting this can be, and understand how you feel. another food for thought who says you "have" to go completely back to the old way of doing things. if keeping your distance from the therapist enables you to be honest with your therapist and your self and make headway in therapy thats ok.

there are quite a few clients here that need the formal structured and distanced from the therapist therapy vs the friendly, relaxed, flexible atmosphere in therapy, for some people having structure, rules and guidelines for how each session is going to go and what topic is going to be discussed when and how and rules of engagement between them and the therapist is something that some people need.

you can still be yourself and at the same time keep the formal atmosphere /rules of engagement during therapy, with knowing ahead of time what you will be doing and how for each of your sessions.

if you feel this way is working with you talk with your treatment provider, explain how this exercise made you feel, the benefits you received from it, and keep those aspects of it that is what you and your therapist feels is healthy for you, incorporate those things into your future sessions.

[spacemonkey36]

That is a very creative and wonderfully refreshing way to start over with a clean slate...and it will keep you both honest, and kudos for coming up with such a unique way to get a fresh start without having to start over completely--which is awesome...starting over is sooo hard!!!

[Omers]

I have wanted to re-do the first session with just about everyone I have ever worked with. You are so brave! I am glad it worked for you!

[lastyearisblank]

Cool! So many of us have fantasies outside session, I think it's awesome that you're bringing them in the room.