Do we make this stuff up? Did it really happen?

My therapist is not brainwashing me. I am the one who brought up this incident from the past. She never pushes me to bring up things from my past. If she felt like I was dropping a hint, but avoiding it, she would ask me to look into it (explore it).

When looking up 'repressed memories', there is research that indicates that repressed memories tend to be inaccurate. This is what is bothering me. I was able to write down the account of what happened as if it happened yesterday. I gave specific details. How (why) would I make this up? Can I trust my memory? Does it matter if I don't get all the details just right?

I have 'remembered' SA that never took place. The 'remembering' happened while I was in an inpatient unit receiving intense 'therapy' (from an unqualified therapist) and where the contingencies were very badly managed (you were only worthy of attention if terrible things had happened to you). The 'remembering' really felt like remembering. Nightmares. Seeing it all happen. Writing page after page of detailed description. And it's as if the rehearsal of it all actually created memories, because even now when I go to the place where I alleged it happened, I see it in flashes.

I think you're asking the right question- does it matter if the details are accurate? You know that you were abused- you told your parents at the time. Fortunately Ts- and patients- are much more aware of the risks of false memories than they were 14 years ago when I was treated. You say that your T is not suggesting anything. At the time, for me and my family, it mattered very much indeed whether it was true, because the allegations were used to remove me from my family and ruin family members. What are you remembering for? For you, as an adult trying to make sense of your life and find a way to live well, perhaps accuracy is less important. Perhaps what matters is the emotional truth, and the theme of what you're remembering- if that's in line with what you know is true?

Good luck. This sounds so hard

Doing too much research on Repressed Memory Therapy (RMT) is just making all this worse. Instead of trusting myself, I am trying my best to find a way to invalidate what I am remembering/feeling.

Exactly how does healing take place 40 years later? How is talking to my therapist about this going to help at all? I wish I had never brought this up to her......

At least you had the courage to say something Squiggles. Setting aside everything you've read, in your heart of hearts, what do you believe is the truth?

One thing I have definitely found is that there is a lot of information on the internet, but very little wisdom. I think you are correct to put this research aside.

So.... how does healing take place 40 years later. I think, as adults, there has to be a point at which therapy becomes less about the information itself and more about what we decide to do with that information. Perhaps you need to grieve what happened to you for awhile.

Using that information to understand yourself and your decisions, defenses etc... and allowing yourself to change can be really lead to a better, more authentic, fulfilling life.

Your body doesn't lie. I would listen to it.

I'm glad that you realized that you have been trying to invalidate yourself. This is very insightful.

Telling your therapist these things is very healing. Releasing these emotions finally will be a huge healing step. Our bodies were not made to retain emotions.