can't do this

I can not do this. Psychology seems to me like a weapon. My boyfriend (who has a bachelor's degree in psych and is a salesman) just used all this horrible **** about my childhood that I told him, to explain, why he can not love me, and he feels I am being insincere, and is not attracted to me emotionally any more. Reading the other thread about emotional armor, I wonder if that armor really protects us from ANYTHING. It all hurts just the same. I wonder if these explanations just numb us to the fact that relationships often hurt and we are hardwired to be selfish and blind to our own faults.

I am planning to go back to school next semester and am applying for half psych programs (research), half something else. But it's a lie. Maybe it's nonsense and people who are just numb and think psychology is ******** have the right idea.

Oh Sweetie, I am so sorry to hear that. Big (((HUGS))) to you!!

I just want to give you my support...!! What he said to you was cruel and cold to say the least .

Please stay strong.

It's nonsense all of it. Real men don't use the excuse of saying they're sincere and empathic to cross all your boundaries and say horrible **** about you. That's the sign of a weak insecure person.

I'm exhausted and heartbroken. I want to fall in love with a man who doesn't speak English. I never, ever want to talk to anyone about "feelings" again.

OK well sounds like the biggest problem of your relationship was that he was a world class jerk!! Yes past issues can effect future relationships but its disgusting he used that as an excuse, as for emotional shields I think for them to truly work i think you would have had to already give up mentaly on everything so although it sucks we should embrace our emotions good or bad we have them for a reason, if we hide away we implode. I really hope your find someone who will treat you right hun wwish all the best.

Thank you. I honestly needed to be ripped apart like this right now, like a war torn country needs a famine.

I broke up with him. He is already calling me back, so we can start this cycle ALL OVER again. What a joy it is that at least now, thanks to all this therapy, I can identify our respective issues.

Just because a person has studied psychology doesn't mean they have worked on their own issues. One of my best friends was a T and she had ripped me apart and totally confused me about who I am. She totally demolished my self-esteem. My current T has told me that sometimes people use some of their psychology knowledge to hurt people.

(((((((((((lastyear))))))))))))

I'm sorry. That sounds incredibly painful...my husband "used" something from my past against me ONE time and it cut like a knife. To me, it's one of the most cruel things someone can do. We worked it out, and thankfully it's not a pattern, but I know how much it hurts.

I just wanted to send you some support and some hugs. I'm sorry it hurts so much

wow so sorry you are going through this..dont quite know what to say to help you feel better not always good at that but wanted to send you my support and say im sorry he was such a jerk to you

Thank you guys for your comments and stories. I now realize this is WILDLY off topic for the psychotherapy forum, just triggering and I don't know why. Therapy is supposed to help us build more healthy relationships built on mutual support, caring and giving not just and drama. Keep fighting the good fight for your healing everyone. I'm going to keep going and not give this jerk the time of day.

Good for you Lyib...you deserve a healthy happy relationship with someone who loves and respects you.

I'm so sorry for what happened though, my boyfriend broke up with me 4 months ago after a 6 year relationship because he decided he didn't love me anymore...it was and still is extremely painful. The only thing that got me through was my T and being honest with what I needed from him. I hope you can build a long lasting theraputic relationship with this new T and she can help you in anyway you need her to.

Take care of YOU

Haha... just wanted to update on this situation. I don't know why it got sooo out of hand. I realize I can be a bit dramatic sometimes. Things are ok now.

Yes, therapy is a good way to deal with getting out of a bad relationship.

The thing my boyfriend said was, "You have trust issues from your childhood and you keep me at arms' length." Cue guilt.

And then he just said all these insulting things.

It's been a rough year relationships wise. My last boyfriend would also make these little digs. He would pinch my arm and say "you'd be better looking if you just lost this inch." (I'm not overweight, he meant he wanted me to be very thin).

So I started thinking about why certain men do this. Deliberately control women.

But I finally had that lightbulb moment.

There's not always something wrong with us if we get into bad relationships. We're like atoms colliding, sometimes we will smash into good atoms, sometimes bad atoms.

But if we are vulnerable, sometimes we get sucked in.

For me I know it's half experience and half just not knowing it's wrong.

So, yeah, I am TERRIFIED of having another therapist tell me I deserve to keep being in these types of relationships.

But the only way to test it is to keep going back.

Thanks for reading and hope you all have a fabulous week.

My T was telling me that we're attracted to people who in some way represent the people with whom we first were attached - our parents or early caregivers. It doesn't matter if the experience was pleasant or unpleasant - we still gravitate to those types.

She has pointed that out to me in my own relationships and it rings true. There is a whole theory around this that I can't express right now. I'll look it up and share it with you later.

Yeah I think I know what you mean, there is this book called "A General Theory of Love" (forget who the author is now) where the guy argues (based on science!!!), no matter how good a relationship is, if it doesn't "hook" your emotional pattern, then it doesn't feel like love.

P.S. I'm not sure I believe that though

Yeah, I read that book and loved it. I've seen how there were some parts of people's personalities that I would be 'attracted' to even though I didn't like those parts. My T said it didn't matter if I liked it or not; they felt familiar.

For example, my mother was highly controlling, rigid, never displaying love, never hugging, always critical, lots of anger.

Well, guess what? I've been involved with people who have those traits and I hate those traits.

Oh yeah, it's totally existential. I think that's the problem of living by your gut/emotions. A lot of people get together for like the shallowest reasons-- someone's car, someone's looks. I would like to believe that there is something deeper inside us that attracts us to the people we get together with. But on the other hand maybe those cost/benefit people are onto something.

Who are the 'cost/benefit people'?

Ooh, great question. People who are prudent about relationships. I made them up! They don't really exist do they.

Sorry lastyearisblank - my h has used my struggles and past to hurt me too. I stopped sharing a lot of things with him because of it...doesn't feel like much of a marriage I think we tend to gravitate toward what's familiar, good or bad

Sorry to hear that (((CSC))) that sounds really difficult.