Feeling like everything has changed

Ok so I had a really wierd session today and things feel different. It was my first session back with T since his compassionate leave (8 weeks) and we've had a succession of misunderstandings via email which we managed to clear up today.

HOWEVER! I feel completely abandoned since he has been back. I told him this and he understood but said there is nothing he can say or do to take the pain away. That we have to work together to find a way of being able to overcome or at least tolerate the feelings. And I agree and understand this. What is really bothering me is that he said he wants me to be able to cope independently of him (which I want to be able to do) but before he went on leave we had an arrangement that I could email him twice a day if needed. I checked with him that he didnt think I was relying on him too much and he said that he didnt think I was. This really helped me build up trust with him and feel safer. He said we could continue doing this until we met again, which turned out to be today. I didnt really bring this up today as I ran out of time but it feels like now he's saying dont email me as much and deal with things on your own. It just all feels a bit abrupt and I feel worried about making any contact with him between sessions. I feel confused about what is right or wrong here.

Is it clear to you guys? Am I making a big deal out of this? Could really use some opinions

I wonder if you could email him your post because I think you explain really well how confusing this situation is for you. It seems like bad timing to bring up being able to cope independently on your first session back together after 8 weeks. The first session after breaks is often all about connecting and catching up with each other. It sounds like he's probably thinking of this as a goal and something to work on and take small steps with and not a sudden change - at least thats how it comes across to me. I hope you can sort this out with him soon cause I know how these things can play on your mind until you get them sorted out.

(((((((((((((Chronic))))))))))))))))

This sounds like something you need to get some clarification on. I know there have been lots of time when I FEEL like my T is tired of me, doesn't want to hear from me, whatever...and T is on the other end, completely clueless, wondering why i haven't left a message.

Therapy is a really good place to practice being super clear in our communication, instead of guessing (I'm sure a lot of us have spent our life being forced to guess). Can you call T and ask for him to clarify?

Reconnecting after a long break is really hard sometimes. hang in there

Hey,

I think it's very annoying and upsetting when Counsellors contradict themselves like that and it's even possible he would deny that he really said what he did before the compassionate leave....it has happened me once or twice.

But the fact is, you know he did and should know that you did nothing wrong by contacting him . Did he reply to your emails during that time? Therapists have a responsibility to their clients which they must uphold unless they completely can't and in that case clients have to be referred on. Do you know why he was off? If so is it possible that it has impacted on his moods or personality? I'm not saying its an excuse but if for example someone close to him died or is ill etc perhaps he is not himself at the moment?

I think sometimes Therapists doubt themselves and what they have advised and that's why they contradict themselves....on one hand they want to build a trusting relationship and comfort the client and on the other hand they worry about dependance... I think it really sends out a lot of confusing messages to clients and creates upset but it unfortunately happens.

If you think you can wait until you see him next to discuss this face to face then I would recommend this as sometimes messages sent via email can be misunderstood - just like you said some were during his leave. However if you feel you cannot rest until the next session without telling him how you feel then ring if you can or you could email him and tell him why you feel upset by his change in approach. I think you have every right to be uncomfortable by him changing his mind.

(((hugs)))

xxxxx

Thank you everyone

Thanks Splintered. I feel a bit put off emailing or contacting him at all between sessions at the moment so I asked for an appointment next week (instead of 2 weeks which is normally how often I see him) because I know this will bug me until I can get it sorted. He also told me to forget about our relationship and the session and concerntrate on other things in my life to try and stop me from spiralling. Easier said than done


Thanks Treehouse, I agree but it just feels so wrong to be being so open with T. I feel like I am giving him the power because when I told him his response to a particular email I sent him felt like he didnt care he really couldnt understand! We spent about half an hour just talking about why he thought the response was clearly communicated and why I felt he didnt want to know. I just really felt the inequality in the relationship where something he didnt say was SO important to me, and it didnt even cross his mind.

He has been back at work for 3 weeks, and this is when the email communication started because I couldnt get to see him for one reason and another. He did respond but each time I felt he was too busy and didnt really have time for me.

Thanks for the validation Dizgirl