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#1
Apr 05, 2011, 11:47 PM
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I want to be perfect. That's all. I want to be the perfect employee, supervisor, wife, sister, daughter...etc and ad nauseum. I have to tell my T about it. I feel work slipping away from me. It is so hard to be perfect. But I am afraid to not be perfect. Yes, I know I am not really perfect. I just mean that to not constantly try to be perfect and not be perfect is agonizing as well. Da**ed if I do and Da**ed if I don't.
I need to bring this up with T. I am so scared that sometimes at work I just can't breathe right. And I shake. It's embarassing. How do you tell T that you are scared, just so d*** scared? When T thinks you are doing all fine and everything is great. How do you say, I need help, when you haven't needed it for so long. I feel like a failure at my life, my work, and in therapy. This just sucks. Anyone else feel like this?  
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Lauru-------------That's me, Bipolar and Watching TV   I shall be telling this with a sigh Somewhere ages and ages hence: Two roads diverged in a wood, and I— I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference. ---Robert Frost |
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#2
Apr 06, 2011, 05:52 AM
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It is hard to always feel like you need to be perfect. I find for myself that I often set up unrealistic expectations and then because they are so unrealistic, failure is inevitable and then I beat myself up for being a failure. A viscous circle. Could you write it down for T? Sometimes it's easier for me to write things instead of saying them....
The need to always be on top of everything and perfect is exhausting...it is the reason I recently had a major relapse and am now trying to put everything back together again. My doctor gave me a good analogy - he said you can only keep treading water for both of you (meaning me and my son and my issues) before you start to get pulled under. I am drowning now, but realizing that I need to take care of myself or I am of no use to others....hope this helps
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 Children's talent to endure stems from their ignorance of alternatives. ~ Maya Angelou Thank you SadNEmpty for my avatar and signature.
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#3
Apr 08, 2011, 05:46 PM
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Quote:
I hope you are feeling better soon. This just sucks all the way around. 
__________________
Lauru-------------That's me, Bipolar and Watching TV I shall be telling this with a sigh Somewhere ages and ages hence: Two roads diverged in a wood, and I— I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference. ---Robert Frost |
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#4
Apr 08, 2011, 05:50 PM
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you just have to face it...you can't deny your feelings. the T is there so you have someone to help you get through it and combat the feelings you have. Don't be afraid!!!
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#5
Apr 08, 2011, 06:10 PM
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The way I tried was to tell him I had something I wanted him to know but it was so hard to tell him that I couldn't say it. He took it from there and I finally got it out but it took almost all sessions and lots of tears. He was very patient and congratulated me in the end which was nice of him but I was still shaking from trying to tell him I guess I didn't feel like I should be congratulated. Let him help you.
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