[quality_worms]

So I went to my first appointment at my school's counseling center today, and I have to say that spilling my guts to a stranger is possibly the most nervewracking thing I've ever done. They have you fill out this checklist of possible problems in the waiting room, which is fine, but then you have to talk about your problems. And yes, I know that's the point, and it worked exactly the same way as it did when I went there before. But there was a part of me hoping that maybe she'd look at the things I checked off, say, "Hmm, yes, I know what's going on here," and spend the rest of the time talking about, like, puppies or something. No such luck, but it was okay. The counselor was very very nice, I liked her a lot, and she seemed like she was really listening to what I had to say. That being said, it was painful. I thought I was going to cry the whole time I was there, but I managed to not freeze up like I thought I was going to. I have no idea how.

I have another appointment next week and she talked about having me make an appointment with the psychiatrist there. I'm starting to feel like a problem child. I know it's good that I'm dealing with my problems, but I wish it weren't such an ongoing process.

Here is what I want to do right now: and then for several days. Or better yet: But I probably have too much homework for that.

[dexter]

Quality, it sounds like you did GREAT!

This WAS a hard step. Recovery is going to be hard because it requires exploring and changing the things we fear.

Here's what I noticed about your post...

You were scared to go in BUT YOU DID IT!

You were afraid of freezing up, but you understood that it was important to talk, SO YOU DID!!!

You liked the counselor. That is a really good thing. Since this is so hard to do, it is important that we like our therapist so that we can establish a trust. Sometimes people have to search around a bit to find one they like. It seems like you are off to a good start with this one. EXCELLENT!!!

You felt the counselor was listening. That is another good sign that you felt comfortable talking to her. If the counselor is listening but it doesn't feel to you like she is listening, it can be hard to establish trust. The comments you made really indicate a willingness to do this on your part as much as it reflects upon her skills.

Your "after session" feelings are normal. That was a lot of hard work and it was draining. But it was constructive and you are on the right path. You deserve all credit for that so please feel good about yourself for these steps. They are significant and positive!!!

Put aside the feeling of being a "problem child" that sort of self judgment is wrong and unnecessary. These people are there to help you, it is their job, they understand the illness so they will not be judging you, just trying to help you. Referring you to a pdoc shows she is taking an active role in getting you the help you need.

This all sounds great. Take it as a victory. Allow yourself the "time-out" to rest after such a productive day (but do your homework!)

Another thing, you still have your sense of humor... I chuckled when you said "Talk about puppies or something"

[ozzie]

(((((((((quality_worms))))))))))) Sounds like you did well. It will get easier when you get more used to the therapist and the process. You deserve to do something nice for yourself now.

[CedarS]

(((((((((((((((((qw))))))))))))))))))))

You did great!

[quality_worms]

for the support. I haven't talked about this at all with anyone in real life (avoidant much?) so it's really helpful to have people here who are willing to listen.

[Azalysa]

What Dexter said!!

Good work, Quality!!!

(((((((quality_worms)))))))))) Great job at reaching out. Brave one.

[(JD)]

(((hugs))) improving ourselves IS an ongoing project! Good for you for being so adult about getting help!

[quality_worms]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
esthersvirtue said: Brave one.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">
I appreciate that very much, but I don't feel brave, I feel about two inches tall. I feel like I did what I had to do. One step at a time, I guess.

I appreciate the rest of you too, but I can never come up with something to say to everyone. but !