[PurplePaisley]

Which I occasionally do when depressed. I know perfectly well that I'm an adult and I have free will and all of that, so while depressed I just skipped out on life for 2 weeks. I am not proud of that, actually, I'm ashamed of that.

Anyway, saw my T Friday and we discussed me pulling myself out of a group {that I really didn't want to be in--Mindfulness, my second time being in it AND quitting} and she wondered why I didn't at least call. Probably because I was ashamed that I WAS NOT going to leave the house and didn't want to face up to that. I know it's not healthy, but I didn't care.

I also wonder, do any of you feel "accountable" to your T? I didn't see her for 2 weeks because of conflicting schedules and I let my care plan and myself go to hell.. FAST. Also in that 2 weeks, I did nothing productive, but ruminate, sleep, and hide. I've been on track again for 3 days now-- wow 3 showers in 3 days!!, journaling and all of my other self- care things, but I needed a kick in the butt to do it. T mentioned that I do seem to do better with more frequent visits, and I do need to feel accountable.

I don't know why I can't just be accountable to MYSELF, but I think that insidiousness of depression. I just let self-care go right out the window.

[Suratji]

I definitively feel accountable to my T. For me, it's a good thing. As I think how to act between sessions, I see it as my 'homework' and I need to turn it in at session.

Maybe that's why I'm freaked out at her going on vacation. I already want to sleep my life away and when she's gone, I probably will do that.

[lastyearisblank]

My ideal scenario would be to have someone check every day and make sure I get out of bed. You've hit the nail on the head, I think that's depression, and that's very helpful to me, here I though I was just being lazy. Wishing you luck getting back on track.

[swimmergirl]

I feel probably too accountable to my T, especially where I care too much what he thinks of me a lot of the time. Sorry you are struggling with depression. I deal with that as well, it hits me in waves and it is really tough to be okay one minute and bawling your eyes out the next.

[dizgirl2011]

Hey,

I know what you mean completely. When I am very low I find self care so difficult, getting showered, dressed, doing hair, make up and all that crap (esp for women) seems like such an effort that I would rather stay at home in my pjs. I do try really hard to push myself and sometimes when I am trying hard to not drop into a major low I wil force myself to get up and dressed and give myself something to do each day, often meaning i have to leave the house. even just going to one shop or the post office etc but I will try to give myself a task each day to help me feel I am doing something productive. however I often find this tires me out after a while and I get fed up.
Without my Therpist I know I would do even less, I would feel like no one out there cared what i did or if I felt bad so I probably wouldnt try very hard at all.

I do find though distraction or sleep sometimes is the only thing that gets me through a very bad time however.

Joys of life