staying on a break

It's been a month since I've seen T. I've had several surgeries this year, and there's had to be a few breaks.

This time I am not sure if I have become detached, but I really don't want to schedule appts now that I am up and about again. Seems like there have been so many "bad signals" and I just don't feel like putting myself out there anymore. I don't miss it at all. I don't feel like I am running either. I just am ambivalent about going back to a regular routine. I was inpatient (for mental stuff) in early april, and I know Insurance, Pdoc and family are not going to buy into no counseling, they will act like I've gone off meds.

Maybe I am unstable, and maybe my impulse control is out of whack...but the thought of going back to T is frustrating. It seems the T's I have had only exasperated the issues and made me feel less human and more freak-like. I am so over trying to explain myself week to week...feeling raw and numb. I just don't want to talk anymore. Even though I have been in constant physical pain, its been SO GOOD not having the weekly pain of trying to express myself.

So I am hoping to take a very long sabbatical...and no, I don't plan on talking it out with t, he just doesn't feel important enough to give weight to.

Has anyone else done this? How did you talk the naysayers into letting you breathe without T for a while?

i know everyone will say when you least want to go you should go.i think you should go even if it is to say this and see if it is a ggo idea to take a break.i wouldnt just stop.maybe your T would agree if you seem to be holding your own at the moment.nice to see you around here again

I do agree.....I think you need to go if only to say these things and to make sure T knows what is going on in your mind. After working with you the time he has, I am sure he cares to know what's going on with you and does deserve to know!
Glad to see you here again too!

If you are left feeling worse and not being healed, it is not a good match.
Can you get a different T?

If you are dependent on others for some/all of your care/housing, etc., then you kind of have to listen to them. If you don't want to go to T for awhile, I would come up with an actual plan where you can be perceived by them as working on something else hard (physical health will do) and do that instead for awhile. But if your mental health is the primary issue you have, I'd just figure out what you want there (in terms of working on your mental health) and a plan for that and work your plan in therapy with whomever rather than let them work you.

So, I guess I'll tell T I am not going back for a while. He'll probably want to meet, and Hubby will want a word with him too. Not going to another T...I definitely do not want any T right now. I think I do a lot better when I am not in my head every week.

That ^^ sounds like a good plan. I hope that T will be able to keep you on his books so that there's some security of knowing he's there and you could go back.

I'm sorry things have been so tough for you recently.

(((((((((((WP)))))))))))))

I think it's so hard sometimes to tell if we're "running" or "on a break".

When I took my break recently, I know that there were people that didn't think it was a good idea, but it felt right for ME. I promised myself that I would go back when I needed to, and I paid attention to my feelings/thoughts, and I did go back when I felt like it was time. It WAS a relief to not have to be in my head all the time.

Only you know what is right for you. I WOULD talk to T though. He can't *make* you do anything, but he might be able to help you think through your decision, come up for a plan for while you're not seeing anyone, provide some closure, etc. I did that, and it helped.

I haven't called T yet. Haven't called pdoc either...I am really liking not having appointments, and I keep procrastinating calling. It's like I don't want to screw up my day waiting for a callback or something. Not expecting a call is SO much better than waiting for a call, isn't it? I wonder if the longer I avoid it the harder it will be to go back. Maybe I won't have to go back, ever. That would be so cool.

Honestly WP maybe I am projecting here a little but when I read posts like the above I don't really get the sense that you hate therapy so much as some vaguely suboptimal version of it (perhaps that is what you've received?). I can understand why you would be discouraged but I also think you wouldn't be feeling this way if you had a doctor that was able to build a sense of safety and/or being responded to.

How well are you functioning in other areas of your life?

If you're mostly dysfunctional, then you maybe should go talk to someone (this T or another.)

If you're functioning well -- getting things done, no bad coping mechanisms, etc. -- then probably OK to take a break.

The thing is that I feel much more stable emotionally having not had T for a while. No ups and downs, no fretting about the session, when to email, when to call...there's a HUGE ball of stress surrounding the whole T thing, not to mention the difficulty of working thru your crap. I feel so much more in control and less needy, I really just don't want to get back on the roller coaster. Life is too short to spend all this time focusing on my emotions, I want to get out of my head and back out into the world.

Maybe it can't be done, maybe what has driven me into t for all these years will come back, but somehow I think the feeling of needing a T is not as bad as all the baggage that comes with having one...lol.

there is a point to what you say about not having the baggage that surrounds having a t and the t relationship! sometimes I wonder myself if I should take a break from it, I keep trying to balance out my need of therapy (which is undeniably real) with the stress and pain that is in maintaining the relationship and dealing with ruptures. sometimes I think I would rather just not have that.......but then I realize, for myself, my need of therapy and my wish for healing, in spite of the pain in it, is greater than the desire to escape the pain of it!
((((((((((WP))))))))))