session in a little over an hour

I have a session in a little over an hour and i have all these things in my head that I know I want to talk about but I have this little childlike voice saying no no no, i'm afraid, i'm scared , please don't talk!

Carinheart,

It sounds like you feel some conflicting emotions. On the one hand, you want to share your feelings with your t. But on the other hand, you have some fear about doing that. What is it that you fear will happen if you open up to your t?

(((((((Cheart)))))))))))

Maybe you can talk with your T about this.........about how you want to open up but you're scared? The focus could be on how/why you're scared about opening up instead of actually talking about your issues today..........if that's too much? I hope it goes well.

Well I talked to T today , but I talked to her in a dissociative state, and I don't remember a thing. Seems I told her I wanted to color and off i went to somewhere in my past and talked like a runaway train! When I was aware of where I was at, I found myself on the floor at her coffee table in front of this coloring book and her saying you have a fine eye for color, did you ever want to be a painter? I said, what? and Got up , got on the couch and asked what time it was, lost all sense of time. She knew what happened and I was so confused.

CarinHeart,

That happens to me. Sometimes I walk out of session and don't remember a thing that was said. Literally just forget everything. This happens when I go into session dissociated as well. I wish I knew why. Frustrates the heck out of me. And those are the weeks I miss T more than usual. So..I don't have advice..but I just want you to know that I feel you on this.