going to hospital

i am so glad that it didnt work.i know things must be so hard for you and you must be in so much pain.thanks for sticking aroundyou are so worth it.PG please keep safe i know i want you around here

Hey PG,

I am relieved that the attempt didn't work, I have been in a similar situation and know how painful it is **huge hugs** I am really glad your second stay in hospital helped somewhat in keeping you safe and that your feeling a bit better now. I know its not easy! We are all here for you!

((((((((((((((PG)))))))))))))) I am also very glad you are still here! Be gentle with yourself.

thanks again, everyone........

I am proud of you for being willing to go into the hospital for your safety and for the well being of yourself and your children. Give yourself lots of time to recover from your hospital stay. It takes time. Be patient with yourself and don't take on too much at a time.

Glad you are ok. Sending hugs this morning.

It does take some effort and time to transition back into being at home. I found it really hard the first time I came home.
I think it was easier this time because I came home in the evening when the kids were already in bed so I had quiet time first instead of coming right into the middle of a busy day.
I do feel somewhat shaky still though and not quite at home yet in my own home but maybe I will get there in a while......the kids are all waking up now and the house is starting to get noisy and busy!
I am just trying to remember that T said I CAN be, AM, a good mom.....that people have said I AM capable and smart and can do it......
My parents are coming this weekend so that will make it busy too.....I am still not sure if that's good or not!

About your parents' visit: resist the urge to play "hostess" for them. In fact, let them know that you really need THEM to take the upper hand in the cooking, entertaining, etc. because right now you need to not place yourself under undo stress. They should understand that and will hopefully be helpful for you.

I wonder why transition back home is so darn hard! And I wonder why I can't get rid of my sui feelings/desire, and why I can't get past all these fears about my H dying and all that I would have to do if that happened (so, I was looking up how to file an insurance claim and how to get soc. security benefits yesterday, sheesh. what a complicated thing that is, anyway.......) What in the heck is the matter with me?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! I see T on tuesday and will have to tell her things aren't much better, it is so hard to hold on to my sanity and my life right now!

I was just looking for this thread because I was wondering how you're doing. I'm sorry you're still not feeling so well. I think you need to be easier on yourself for awhile. Maybe learning the insurance forms isn't a good idea right now. I hate financial stuff too. I think I have a block against learning it, though my T told me at my last session that I need to know so I won't feel powerless. My H does it all too. It's hard when our inclination is toward the arts, like poetry, and not statistics and finances! I don't think anything is the matter with you. I think life just IS hard, and overwhelming for many of us.

But, you just came from 2 hospital visits. Take it easy! Are your parents there now? Are they helping with your kids?

Are you on a different med now? I am very glad to see you posting again but I wish you felt better. What they tell you in the hospital? Did you get any help for feeling sui? I hope your session Tuesday helps.

Maybe it isn't such a good idea to pile on the financial stuff right now, but for some reason, I feel so compelled to KNOW, because you never know when something might happen and you have to know.
Yes, I am on different meds, I don't know how well they are working yet.....
My parents are here, I stayed in bed this morning because I felt so miserable......I just wanted to lay there and die while they were at church......

Did you feel better or worse when you weren't on ANY meds? I hope you find one that works for you.

I have been a mess since I started meds in March.......one side effect after another........I feel like I have gone way downhill and have disintegrated since I started meds. I feel all the physical effects have messed with my mind, too......of course, maybe this weird stuff with existential worries and my H's death and financial fears would have happened anyway and is separate from the meds too.......but I think in part some of it happened because I was weakened emotionally by enduring terrible side effects from the meds.......so, I don't know. Now I am just a mess.......emotionally and physically and mentally, and feel like I just ought to go to hospital to stay forever, ha.

Sounds as though poetgirl needs some mindrest...

what do you mean, pachy? that I need a mental break.......but like one thread now says, wherever I go, there I am - my mind is a prison to me.......

Rest, poet, rest. At least use that as a goal.

it would be a good goal, would it not! except I seem to tend toward emotional/mental unrest rather than rest......and I wonder if always posting about it and looking for support in it encourages the unrest by encouraging continued introspection on it, keeping myself in my head instead of getting out of it.......
I sure have been in my head today and it's not so pretty......

(((((poetgirl)))))

I would agree with this statement. How about doing something fun with your babies on this 4th of July?

that's a good idea! we are going to see fireworks tonight, did some yardwork and grilled out for lunch and it's naptime now......the activity helped!
on the sour note, my H is back to the 'it's not biological in basis, you're playing games and maybe I should get legal counsel' talk.....so that is something I will have to talk to T about tomorrow. When he talks like that, it makes it so much harder to pull out of this depression, because talk like that triggers my abandonment issues and my anxiety badly......

Keep this in mind!

From my perspective you started going downhill after starting meds. Many meds have warnings about the people feeling suicidal from them. What does your T think?

So glad the activity helped! DBT makes massive use of distracting activities, and most cognitive treatments for depression rely a lot on activity scheduling. It's the absolute opposite of what you feel like doing when you're so very low, but it does work.

Thinking of you

I keep resurrecting my old thread, because the related issue is ongoing and I don't feel like starting a new thread........still having trouble with sui thoughts and fears about the future if I keep living, but anyway, T said today she sees reason to be encouraged, little bits of progress, some baby steps that encourage her.......like I am trying to get up earlier to have quiet time, I am trying to do what I need to do with the kids, I think I can make myself do what needs to be done instead of just saying how unable I am....
T told me today that I am not what I feel too....(like tree's T said)......and that what I am doing is catastrophizing the future and then using emotional reasoning to tell myself I couldn't handle it, because I FEEL right now like I couldn't (and maybe right now I couldn't, but right now the only bad thing that is really happening is happening solely in my imagination......) when she says the truth is there will be a way if/when something bad does happen, there will be those who can and will help me......so I am trying to push away the damaging anxiety-producing thoughts by trying to believe those things.....