I am nervous about tomorrow and seeing T. Very nervous. I almost cancelled today because my anxiety level is so high!

A few years ago, my first T terminated me without cause. It has caused a HUGE amount of distress in my life.

I have been seeing new T for two years now.He KNOWS how important trust is to me. He KNOWS my struggles with shame.

So.

Two weeks ago, he shared a private email I had written to him, with one of his staff members. I found out by accident, when she sent it back to me as a forwarded email. It felt so...violating.

I am SO. VERY. MAD.

I am SO. VERY. VERY. SAD.

I feel EMBARRASSED and STUPID. Yuck!

It hurts....I ache. I don't want to go back anymore. I feel like I am starting over. AGAIN.

[Asiablue]

I understand how you must be feeling. This is a serious violation of trust in my eyes. I don;t know where in the world you are, but aren't their laws on data protection?

Remember that just because you feel embarrassed and stupid, doesn't mean you are. That's your insecurities speaking out loud. I think you need to see him to explain you distress over this and get an explanation for this.

take care xx

[peaches100]

Lost in termination,

I am so sorry that happened to you!! I would feel upset also. Your t should have gotten your permission before sharing your email with somebody else. Did you tell your t you were upset? What excuse did they give? They probably wanted some advice or to bounce ideas off a colleague about how to help you, but they should have asked your permission first.

[dizgirl2011]

Hi,

this sounds very hurtful indeed and violating as you said!

This seems to break the rules of confidentiality and I think you should question his movtives on this because breaking client confidentiality is a serious offence in therapy and could lead to a therapist being struck off!

I don't blame you for being angry and I think you need to confront him!

[roadtrip]

Lost in Termination

Wow I'm sorry this is happening to you. That sounds terrible and I'd definately feel confused and very angry.

Playing devils advocate.. could it have been a supervisory type thing where your T was giving more info to their T? If not uh I'd think he broke the law or some eithics guidlines at the very least. I hope your T has a good explanation.

[anilam]

And his explanation?
Better be a good one or I would sue and/or report him to his board. Really, breach of trust is a big issue for me.

[ladyjrnlist]

It's not a breach if two colleagues are collaborating on a case. That may be all it waws. Find out.

[Marie123]

I disagree. A therapist can discuss a case with a colleague but is NOT supposed to reveal any names.

Sending it without your permission is an ethical violation.

[WikidPissah]

LIT....I am SO very sorry. This would make me feel awful and put me right into the shame game. Remember that you are not to blame. I hope you can call T asap and confront the issue, give yourself the permission to get pissy with T.

Thank you.

Saw T today. Awkward. After posting in another thread, I did send him an email so he already knew I was mad and sad before we had our session.

We talked about TRUST and the incident. (It was not a supervision situation, nor colleague. He shared it with his secretary because a sentence in my email requested my appointment be rescheduled. The rest discussed ambivalence I was feeling as a result of some recent conversations in therapy.) I told T he constantly looks at things through T goggles and sometimes, I wish he could see things through Client goggles. Just because I trusted him enough to send him an email, and he trusted his staff enough to forward my email and trust them not share it, doesn't mean I trust the staff member enough. I don't have the relationship with his staff member, he does. Told him I was angry. I had taken him at his word. Asked him about something he said to me previously about how our goal in therapy is to work hard within the boundaries of our therapy relationship and how hard I work to honor his boundaries, and yet he didn't honor mine. I asked how that was fair?

Told him I thought it was a forgivable offense, not fatal. Truthfully, I don't know what it is, yet? Time will tell. I cried alot. Lots of pain. Old and new. This whole incident has triggered many things about my past which I can't articulate.

He said I am a paradox. Whatever that means?

[lacey12345]

What did he say in response?

By the way, I think the way you worded everything sounds awesome. Well done!

Originally Posted by lacey12345

What did he say in response?

By the way, I think the way you worded everything sounds awesome. Well done!

Thank you.

Good question. I think this is where my struggle is now. He said, he gets it. He was wrong. Excused himself a little by saying he will fire his staff member if he learns they have not maintained confidentiality. Huh? Basically, I wish I would have asked him about this comment because it contradicts his OWN actions. My brain never thinks fast enough to ask the tough questions.

He also said she may look at chart to get updated address or insurance information so access is available, again he has a trust level that I do not have so it makes me uncomfortable.

Difficult session. Working to try and rebuild lost trust is tough.

[PTSDlovemycats]

I hope that you are able to rebuild the trust.

[elliemay]

I hope that you are able to rebuild that trust. It's a pretty significant error on his part. My therapist has done some way out there things as well. Sigh.

For me the key to getting back to the relationship is to make absolutely positively sure that he has heard and understood why you are bothered. You have every right to expect him to be responsive to it.

While he may view his staff as an extension of himself, you do not. Nor should you. His response that he will fire the person if they violate confidentiality, to me, indicates that he still may not understand how you see it.

This is a relationship, not a result from a laboratory test. It makes a difference.

Originally Posted by elliemay

For me the key to getting back to the relationship is to make absolutely positively sure that he has heard and understood why you are bothered. You have every right to expect him to be responsive to it.

While he may view his staff as an extension of himself, you do not. Nor should you. His response that he will fire the person if they violate confidentiality, to me, indicates that he still may not understand how you see it.

I agree. Not sure he did. Not sure I did a great job of explaining it either. Ugh!

This is a relationship, not a result from a laboratory test. It makes a difference.

YES!!! I am a REAL person. I felt disappointment. I was embarrassed and also, hurt.

It does take a LONG time to rebuild trust, especially if you've been betrayed and left by a former T. I totally hear you on that. My 1st T dumped me without any prior notice, just 1 night--I'm done with you. That just destroyed me and I understand why you have trouble trusting this new T. It may take a long time for him to prove himself trustworthy. I think you handled it well. I'm glad T has admitted he was wrong. I hope that allows you to see he may be trustworthy after all. I have a new T now, and I am starting to trust her just a little. She is completely trustworthy and I know that, but it is still taking time for me to b uild up trust. So i understand.

My T. actually cautioned me about emailing. He was mostly saying that someone in my home or life could read my email and read things I wouldn't want them to know. He also said that he would never send anything more than a generic reply for the same reason. I'm glad he said that because there is something that I've been waiting for 2 weeks to talk to him about and wanted so bad to email but it is true spoken words are harder to pass on...He encourages me to call.