I can't go to therapy. I am canceling

I'm so very sorry you experienced what you did. I can completely see how that would make it so much more difficult to see a therapist.

Actually, though, talking about that experience with a good therapist might help you a ton! I had two bad expereinces with therapists before I found my current one...and once I established a little trust with my current T, I told her about those previous experiences. We talked through them and how they affected me, and it had helped so much.

Perhaps you can reframe your appt with a therapist in your own mind. I'm not sure off the top of my head what that re-framing might look like...but something that would make it more comfortable in your own mind. You're taking your husband with you, right, and he helped you with your ER experience and was there for you, so you know he'll prevent something similar from happening again. Are there other steps you can take to make the appointment feel more safe? Asking the T to talk with you outside first, maybe? Or have a couple of phone consultations, where there's no chance of them trying to take you somewhere? Is there a way for you to take the "mental" aspect out of this and make it more about your spirit or emotions or relationship or something?

When my last son was born 5 years ago - he was swapped with another baby by the midwife - it was an accident and I got him back after only 3 hours - but it was so hard to trust anyone with him after that. I found it hard to let him out of my sight and I can remember the first day at nursery when I left him with someone else for the first time - I was so panicky for the whole time I was away from him. The easiest solution would have been never to let him out of my sight, but I knew I had to try to trust people again, both for the benefit of my son and myself.

I won't forget what happened and I can still think about it and get tearful, but I knew I had to find a way of moving forward.

So although my experience was different to yours, I have had significant trust issues and know it is so hard to start to let go off the boundaries we create to protect ourselves - yet to find a way to let go, maybe a finger at a time, is the way to start to move on and free ourselvs from the anxiety, nightmares and bad memories.

I know therapy has helped me, but I also know from all the reading I have done on here and elsewhere, that the most important thing is to find someone that you think you may be able to click with, that you may think that there is the smallest possibility that you can work with them and maybe that takes time.

I am sorry too. Now that you know all that, Now I think "Its my issues so why is it anyone else's business? How do I trust someone now? Your right - It is the trust issue. I have talked to that Nurse from the OB office many times and I have had to hold myself back from screaming at her. She has ruined my life.

I am so sorry you had to experience that. That would have been terrible. I am trying to find trust but it's hard. My nerves are all messed up and I have been so sick today.

I am beginning to learn that there is an alternative to complete trust vs complete mistrust - and maybe there is space for us to trust a little bit at a time, i.e. first just to sit in a room with someone, then to maybe sit with them a 2nd time, then to trust with a very small part of ourself - gradually that trust can grow into what you want it to be, it never has to be total trust with all our "secrets", but just enough so it can actually benefit us.

It is so hard and I am sorry that it is not putting you on a great place just now. SD

Yeah I am just pissed I have to go.

(((pink))) sorry you had such a bad er experience. After I was involuntarily hospitalized one time it was all I could think about for weeks and months. I felt so bad for all the other patients there. It felt like prison (even though it was like 4 days) and I remember being just furious. I felt like the staff were people who couldn't be bothered to do a reasonable assessment, and it made me feel so so so bad to be caught in that web (like it was a trick!). I wanted to make sure it never happened again and avoided all therapists like the plague for a couple years, before starting again recently.

Whew! So I think some of this anxiety is normal about going back to see a pdoc. So i hope you do go back, because those feelings do go away. My hospital experience now just sort of seems like no biggie.. But at the time it was devastating to feel like trapped in this label of being a "sick person."

Did your pdoc diagnose you with anything? Sorry you had to go through all of that but happy to hear I am not the only one feeling like this. I feel like I am driving my husband crazy with talking about it all the time, taking sleeping pills to sleep and just being so quiet when I want. This isn't like me.

I was diagnosed with depression. In a weird way having to go to the hospital cured it though! I absolutely did not want anything to do with doctors after that. I did cope differently on my own, though not necessarily better. And hey I don't necessarily believe therapy is always the best option. Somethings you can cure on your own, some therapies can make some conditions worse. But it sounds like there is still some stuff there for you, huh? With the sleeping pills and the worry?

Yes lots. I have to take melatonin 10mgs or otherwise I dont sleep

Pink80, there is always that saying .."when you don't want to go, is when you need to be there the most" However, in your case, you seem pretty clear that you are not in a position or a frame of mind for it. And you know what? That's okay. You made a decision for yourself. Hopefully, you will give it another shot in the future if you feel like you might want to try it again. I send supportive hugs to you, acceptance of your decision, validation of your feelings and welcome you to PM me if you ever want to vent.

When I hear that question, it means "how can I help you?" to me. I might find it hard to answer as it is hard to give the gist of it in 20 words or less but I just see it as T wanting to know why a person is there and how they can help. Would you be able to go to therapy without your husband so that you don't have how he is looking at you to worry about? Seems like the appointment with a new T is stressful enough on its own without having these husband worries. But if you would find it easier to go to the appointment if he comes with you, then definitely, bring him! You mentioned being angry a lot lately. That is something you could tell the T when he asks the dreaded question: "I am angry a lot lately and I don't know why, and I would like to change that." Or you could say, "I had a really bad time at an ER visit recently and I can't get over it." That gives the T a starting place.

I hope you are able to go on Monday. I think therapy might be able to ease your worry and anger. If you don't go, do you have a different plan for how to make things better? Good luck to you.

Pink
Sunrise's idea to start with discussing the ER fiasco is a great one. That was a horrible experience for you. I understand, I have been there. I was trying to get my moods under control by seeing my regular doctor. She was aat a loss as to what to do for psych meds so i went to the psychiaatrist at my college. I made it clear it was only a consult, I did not need her to prescribe or diagnose or anything. She wasnt listening to me,which made me frantic, so i kept trying to bring the subject back to what i was there for. She deemed me manic and unable to care for myself and declared a legal 2000, called the police and had me escorted to the ER. I had to be handcuffed for this. i because so upset i couldnt think straight, i dissociated, so in this state i was unable to think straight and when evaluated by ER psych they agreed with her assessment and i was taken to the state hospital. being hospitalized has been my greatest fear all my life. they were horrible there. the psychiatrist the next morning hearing my story agreed i didnt need to be there but could not release me. i had to be eval'd by the psychologist on monday. this was all very traumatizing for me and this part of my story is very painful for me still, but good things came of it. it got me involved in a system of immediate treatment at no cost to me. i still go to this agency for help. there have been bad times with bad drs and bad phd's but i have switched to others that i do work well with. i was hurting, suffering so bad, so miserable with the stuff that was going on inside of me that i was able to overlook the suckiness of these bad experiences to get the help i needed. i even went inpatient a second time to the same hospital, voluntarily for a week upon my phd's suggestion, and it wasnt so bad. i was hurting so bad inside i was willing to do anything, including facing the biggest fear of my life, hospitalization, to get better. now i hear the psychiatrist i have been working so well with, the one that finally found the right meds for me, is leaving the agency, and i am terrified. im going to have to work with another, but i will do it because i want to stay well. and if i dont like the new doc, i will ask for a different one, and a different one, and a different one, until i find one i am confortable with. right now i am suffering from horrible anxiety, threatening my stability, afraid its going to trigger a mania any time now, so tomorrow morning, as much as it terrifies me, i am seeing a different doctor to discuss it. i was up all night last night worrying about it and probably will be up all night tonight too, but tomorrow morning at 1020 i will be in his office because i am willing to try anything to stop this anxiety that is debilitating me. the appt cant possibly be worse that what i am feeling. that is the way i look at it.

Yeah, I feel the same. I can get along in society without some authority making sure I have the "right" personality type or whatever. They can go jump in a river for all I care.

Oooh yeah btw I have daymares and nightmares about my psychiatric ER visits too, especially the one when I was a child. I totally understand...

Oh that's too bad!

I'm not against therapy by the way, I've been in it for a year now! I refuse to let that one bad experience limit my opportunities to get treatment. But yeah.. Involuntary treatment... sooooo much worse than no treatment at all.

Thank you all for your advice. I will read it all soon and respond.

I have recieved my "Anger Control Workbook" in the mail. We will see if that helps.

Thank you! However, I know I am backed into a corner and I don't know how to get out. I know I need to go but it's the point of getting there, sitting and staying without walking out because I get mad at a question that I am asked.

Right now, I can not go without my husband otherwise I would say I am going but really I am going shopping or whatever. So until I am comfortable which maybe in a couple weeks or a couple months then he can just go to work.

THANK YOU!!! I hear ya!!!

dear Ilovepink,

Reading your experience about being tricked into the psych ER really shocked me. I would have also felt so humiliated, angry and sooo not trusting either. I do not blame you one bit.

I was tricked too and did not appreciate it one bit. I was told I was going to see a psychiatrist who could give me some special "drugs" to help me quit smoking , that my doc could not give me only to find out that I was seeing a psychologist for totally different reasons and wanted me to blah blah ..and she was terrible too !!! So I am very angry at my doctor am telling you ! I felt tricked and what am I " corned beef " ? Like in any other profession there are the good, the bad and the ugly.

If you are having postpartum depression..do not blame yourself. I had it and I know how terrible it is. I did not get much help though apart from going to a group of mom and tots and there I was tricked too one day by one of the "leaders". I was so pissed off that despite all their efforts to get me back in , I never went again. Being lied to is way way way worse that being told the simple truth : " I am worried that blah blah and would like to talk to you about it" which would have worked.

Well I do not have much experience with psys really. They do not work for me. But they work for others or maybe I have not met the right one..maybe see it as a king of person to whom you could talk stuff out that you would not even admit to your best friend. I am sure there are tons and tons of good ones there. Sometimes it helps when someone points out the obvious which totally escape us at the time. I am glad I have a very good friend who is trained in psychotherapy and very good at "leading" me to see things differently. It is a relief !! " and why did not I see it like that ??" etc etc etc.

We all are pretty good at giving advice to others when it comes to ourselves..we sell ourselves short on that one lol..

I hope you give it a try and think.." if it is a nice t I will carry on" but if this one does not click, I have the option to leave it.

Just like jobs, people etc.

PS: a lot , lot of women are hit by postpartum depression..but do not dare say. It is a shock really and reality of a new baby is totally different that what we think or even thought we were prepared for..the lack of sleep , etc etc etc..you know all that. But we are supposed to be "over the moon" and plenty of women well ..pretend to be. And suffer in silence.

Good luck !

Hi there,

no one is going to force you to go to therapy, it is your decison. Therapy is there for people who want to go. I know money is a factor but it doesn't sound like the main factor here at all because as soon as someone suggests a way around an obsticle, you find another one. No therapist will chase you either, it needs to be something you want for yourself.

Perhaps you are not ready to enter into the commitment of therapy yet.

People attend Therapy for various reasons, it's not just for those suffering from mental illness. People go to therapy because of family issues, financial difficulties, exam stress, self confidence issues, berevement....the list is endless. It sounds like you have a bigger issue with perceived stigma of attending therapy and with anger that people are suggesting you need that help.

It is your decison but I think you need to be completely honest, at least to yourself about why you are backing out.