i have been seeing t weekly and that is totally different for me. i usually go when i feel depressed. t said it would be better for me to come weekly for awhile till things improve

(i posted that awhile ago he got rid of the rug i have been staring at for over ten years. and it really upset me).

so last night i told him that he should have cut me out a square or at least taken a picture of it

then t was talking that i need to bring in my journal and so afraid. ex-H would read the old one and then i would be in trouble for whatever i had wrote that he read.

so we made an agreement of sorts.

he is going to bring me a picture of the rug and i am going to bring my journal. what have i gotten myself into???

i am going to trust and believe that he will do this. i had to call and remind him last night so he could write it down. (he asked me too) i go again a week from Monday and if he has the picture i will share my journal. i really want that pix but sharing my journal is soooo scary to think about.

going weekly is helping. i resisted at first thinking only the worst... but this damn weekly thing is breaking down my defenses again. not sure i like being so vulnerable.....

[dismissed feelings]

What meaning does the rug have for you? Comfort? If so, you might place the picture of the rug in your journal and remind yourself of the courage you've had to work through things and that there is someone who hears what you have to say. Maybe that might help you feel more comfortable to say what you still need to? I DK. Just thinking out loud. Hope all goes well!

I love that T is doing that for you

It seems like the scariest things in therapy are often the most healing. You are brave to bring your journal...and being brave is a good thing.

I hope you'll let us know how your next session goes!

[learning1]

Good luck jbmong

[granite1]

good luck.i have yet to share my journal.maybe you can just start by bringing it in.see how it feels.i love the idea of putting the picture of the rug in your journal

[Elli-Beth]

I have a pic of my T's ugly couch covering in my journal with a poem about it being my safety blanket. It's what I stare at during session, so I totally get the connection. I make fun of it, but I think it would really bug me if he got rid of it.

And I let my T read selected journal pages. He's really good about being respectful of the ones I want to keep private. It's really helped to explain things I have trouble verbalizing.

[SpiritRunner]

thinking of you! It will be Ok.....

Dissmissed, thanks for responding. I think the rug was mostly safe, i just stared at the same damn spot forever. it was familiar. i don't look at t.... i think this is what he is trying to accomplish, for me to open up more to him. i like the idea of putting the pix in my journal...thanks

sending safe hugs

You are brave to bring your journal...and being brave is a good thing.

thanks, i am going to try to remember this...

And i will come back and share what happens. i have a fear that he will forget and then act like it is no big deal and i will "need" to understand because he is human. i don't want him human, i want him to be my t

sending safe hugs

And I let my T read selected journal pages. He's really good about being respectful of the ones I want to keep private.

whoa, i really like that idea.. yeah some of the stuff i write about is about therapy.... other life stuff sometimes too

he wants to read the negative thoughts so we can see if it's real or not real.... part of me understands what he is trying to accomplish (i think??) the other part of me is way stupid so i may not get anything this is about... we shall see

sending safe hugs

PG... How are you? I have been thinking about you soo much!!!!

I really hope you are doing well.

sending safe hugs