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  #1  
Old Jul 03, 2011, 12:48 PM
Anonymous37890
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I so badly want to get away from myself, but my therapist says I can't do this anymore (I dissociate a lot). I want to run far far away from the horrible, evil monster that I am, but I am stuck. It hurts so much.

I want to learn to be comfortable in my own skin. Right now I'm so anxious I feel sick. I want to be ok. I don't care about being super happy or wonderful or anything like that. I just want to be OK.

It hurts so much.

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  #2  
Old Jul 03, 2011, 12:56 PM
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rainbow_rose rainbow_rose is offline
looking for rainbows
 
Member Since: May 2011
Posts: 2,653
my therapist asked me if I wanted to be happy. i told her that i just didn't want to be sad. yes... it does hurt. i do understand.
__________________
Happiness cannot be found
through great effort and willpower,
but is already present,
in open relaxation and letting go.

Don't strain yourself,
there is nothing to do or undo.
Whatever momentarily arises
in the body-mind
Has no real importance at all,
has little reality whatsoever.

Don't believe in the reality
of good and bad experiences;
they are today's ephemeral weather,
like rainbows in the sky.


~Venerable Lama Gendun Rinpoche~

  #3  
Old Jul 03, 2011, 12:57 PM
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SpiritRunner SpiritRunner is offline
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Member Since: Dec 2010
Location: in my skin and soul
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(((((((rose))))))))) I do understand how you feel. I'd like to just feel OK too, never mind super happy! You are not a horrible, evil person, that much I can say, though, so try to put that thought aside!
  #4  
Old Jul 03, 2011, 01:08 PM
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lastyearisblank lastyearisblank is offline
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Member Since: Dec 2010
Posts: 2,582
Sending you big hugs. No-- The BIGGEST HUG. Sorry it hurts so bad.
  #5  
Old Jul 03, 2011, 01:35 PM
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SoupDragon SoupDragon is offline
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Member Since: Oct 2010
Location: in a cave
Posts: 6,977
Sorry things are so tough for you right now
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Soup
  #6  
Old Jul 05, 2011, 12:22 PM
Anonymous37890
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Thanks everyone.

I just think I'm the worst, most horrible, evil, terrible, awful, disgusting person ever. I'm not sure therapy can help me with this. It hasn't seemed to help so far. I can't seem to get a grip on the thoughts that drive me to believe this.

It seems so so hopeless. I'm so sad and depressed. I thought I was doing some better, but it's worse now and I don't know why.
  #7  
Old Jul 05, 2011, 12:38 PM
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geez geez is offline
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Member Since: Jan 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 2,371
Quote:
Originally Posted by roseleigh7 View Post
Thanks everyone.

I just think I'm the worst, most horrible, evil, terrible, awful, disgusting person ever. I'm not sure therapy can help me with this. It hasn't seemed to help so far. I can't seem to get a grip on the thoughts that drive me to believe this.

It seems so so hopeless. I'm so sad and depressed. I thought I was doing some better, but it's worse now and I don't know why.
Many hugs ((roseleigh)). I can related to how you feel. It doesn't seem this way right now but it will get better. It takes time. Please be gentle with yourself. It is frustrating to say the least.
__________________
"Be careful how you speak to your children. One day it will become their inner voice." - Peggy O'Mara


Don't ever mistake
MY SILENCE for ignorance,
MY CALMNESS for acceptance,
MY KINDNESS for weakness.
- unknown
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