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#1
Jul 03, 2011, 12:48 PM
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I so badly want to get away from myself, but my therapist says I can't do this anymore (I dissociate a lot). I want to run far far away from the horrible, evil monster that I am, but I am stuck.
 It hurts so much. I want to learn to be comfortable in my own skin. Right now I'm so anxious I feel sick. I want to be ok. I don't care about being super happy or wonderful or anything like that. I just want to be OK. It hurts so much.
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#2
Jul 03, 2011, 12:56 PM
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my therapist asked me if I wanted to be happy. i told her that i just didn't want to be sad. yes... it does hurt. i do understand.
__________________
Happiness cannot be found through great effort and willpower, but is already present, in open relaxation and letting go. Don't strain yourself, there is nothing to do or undo. Whatever momentarily arises in the body-mind Has no real importance at all, has little reality whatsoever. Don't believe in the reality of good and bad experiences; they are today's ephemeral weather, like rainbows in the sky. ~Venerable Lama Gendun Rinpoche~ 
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#3
Jul 03, 2011, 12:57 PM
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(((((((rose))))))))) I do understand how you feel. I'd like to just feel OK too, never mind super happy! You are not a horrible, evil person, that much I can say, though, so try to put that thought aside!
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#4
Jul 03, 2011, 01:08 PM
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Sending you big hugs. No-- The BIGGEST HUG.
 Sorry it hurts so bad.
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#5
Jul 03, 2011, 01:35 PM
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Sorry things are so tough for you right now
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Soup |
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#6
Jul 05, 2011, 12:22 PM
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Thanks everyone.
I just think I'm the worst, most horrible, evil, terrible, awful, disgusting person ever. I'm not sure therapy can help me with this. It hasn't seemed to help so far. I can't seem to get a grip on the thoughts that drive me to believe this. It seems so so hopeless. I'm so sad and depressed. I thought I was doing some better, but it's worse now and I don't know why. |
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#7
Jul 05, 2011, 12:38 PM
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Quote:
__________________
"Be careful how you speak to your children. One day it will become their inner voice." - Peggy O'Mara Don't ever mistake MY SILENCE for ignorance, MY CALMNESS for acceptance, MY KINDNESS for weakness. - unknown |
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