the urge to quit

Sometimes when we are frustrated or don't know how to deal, we feel like just giving up.

Do you ever want to quit therapy?

What is the thing that makes you go on?

(Persistence is key! I just wonder sometimes why we even bother?)

(((((((((((lyib))))))))))

Yes sometimes I want to quit really bad. Just went through that went I transitioned to my new T. And I am so glad I didn't. New T is able to help me in ways that old T cannot.
The reason I don't quit is because with therapy, we dug and dug and dug to find this pile of worms that I had hidden for a long time. If I quit now, I am still hurting from all the digging and obviously my way of dealing with the worms, hiding them, did not work. So I try to tell myself that even though it is really painful now, it will be less painful than what me brought in the first place. Plus, I can see progress. And I would not trade anything for the support and connection I get from my T.

I've been going to therapy for 6 months...I seem to have plateaued (sp)...I can't seem to go much deeper....you mentioned in your post that your new T. was able to get you to dig and dig to places your old T. couldn't get you to? What did your new T. do that your old one didn't?
Was it just talking? I'm trying to figure out if there is more I should be expecting to get out of therapy...I've been considering stopping too...

Hi Ready to Stop,

I had to quit with my old T because of circumstances beyond my control. It was really really painful. I started with my new T who has also seen my family as well. Tomorrow will be my 4th appointment with my new T. I saw my old T for about 5 months.
It took me some time with old T to establish trust. I went in thinking I will work on a, b, c, and then realized I had a-j. About 6 weeks in I had big romantic transference issues as well. It was really hard with all of that, the power differential, and to figure out how therapy works, etc. The other issue was I wasn't fully aware there was a time limit with the first T. All I was told was "no long term therapy".......I thought that meant a year.(it is at a grad training clinic)
To make a long story longer......it took me about 3 and half months to finally feel that old T would not leave me, that I could trust him, that he didn't think I was an idiot, etc. This was all me, not him. However, he was very clinical in his approach. I know it takes many people longer than 3 and a half months but I was very happy that I got to that point.
Then, time's up. I'm leaving for the summer. You can work with someone else. I totally freaked. Hello??? I did NOT want to start this over again.
I decided to stick it out due to the wonderful people who supported me on this forum. It was one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life. I am glad I did. My last session with him was very special to me. I finally felt that he got me, that he understood me, and that if he was able, he would have worked with me longer.
Some of the things that old T would not tell me............which is fine, it is his methodology, were answers to my questions about how he felt about me or what he thought or just basic questions. Because of that I looked him up online, the power differential was awful. For example, I might ask him do you think I'm a good mom and his answer was(very nicely) let's explore why you care what I think..........or what do you think/feel about that? It was like he kept me at arm's length.
That changed a lot for me in our last session, however, he never did say "I care about you", "you're a good mom", etc. I think he was worried I would be too dependent on him and also comes from the psychological perspective that to answer those questions is to miss an opportunity to discover the underlying motive or need for those questions(or some other mumbo jumbo like that).
I have been seeing new T for 3 weeks. Because of my experiences with old T, I knew up front what I wanted. Before I agreed to work with him(which I only did because I wasn't starting completely over, I had a bond with him, if I had to start completely over I would be done, stick a fork in me done) I made sure I had my bases covered........is there a time limit(there is, one year, but I'm okay with that). Can you deal with transference issues? Yes. Can you help me mourn for my old T? Would you think that is stupid? No.
My new T has been the complete opposite of my old T in many ways and I have realized that it is much better for me. I told him I may need reassurance and he gives it to me. Before I even asked, 3 weeks in, he told me he cared about ME and my family, that he enjoys working with my family, and the big one...........there is NOTHING I can tell him that will make him leave. I ask a ton of questions, some of them inappropriate(not too personal, but some T's consider them boundary crossing). New T has answered ALL OF THEM. New T told me wants the power differential to be minimal. I so so needed that.
It took me 3 and a half months to establish with old T what I have now in 3 weeks with new T. Yes, I did my homework and told him what my needs were. But I feel like I also struck gold. I may have the chance to go back to work with old T in the fall, and I will always think of him, care for him, and miss working with him, but I am staying where I am at.
If I had quit(and trust me, I know it is hell) I never would have been able to work with my new T. My old T helped me tremendously as well, it just took me awhile to figure out how therapy works. If I had started brand new with new T instead of working with old T, I don't think we would have made the progress(with trust) that we have.
So for me my issues were/are trust. Now we can get to the deeper stuff. If you feel stuck and you have good chemistry, bond, rapport with your T, talk to your T about it. They are trained to try different methods. Why do you feel stuck? Does writing help? Can your T to play therapy if you feel like a kid? If the problem is that you feel you can't open up to your T.............after 6 months that is a big deal and you may want to see why and potentially look elsewhere. The therapeutic relationship is the biggest predictor of success in your therapy. You have to be able to open up to them(at some point).
The other sugestion I have is to make a list of what you want to accomplish in therapy. You probably have done this. Look at what you have accomplished and what more you want to do. If you are not sure, then that's another good thing to discuss with T. Sometimes people just get stuck and if you talk about it and give it time, it might work itself out. I hope this has helped both of you.

Oh, one last thing. If you feel that your pile of worms is dealt with or you can't think of what is next, a break from therapy might be a good idea. You can see how you deal with it on your own and if you miss it or not. ((((((((hugs)))))))))))

Swimmergirl, I too thought I was going to discuss a few things in therapy and found that there was so much more to it....that the whys were so much more than I thought... I also have trouble trusting T. or anyone for that matter ....but I opened up about most stuff....but its just that a lot of my issues arise from my childhood and so much of it I can't remember...Its just where to you go from there...is it better to just leave it be? or will I not be able to deal with it all till I can remember it? ughhh...its so hard to know what to do...

I think about quitting because my problems aren't that major and maybe there's nothing therapy can do about them- I just need to get over it, and maybe I'm being self centered to even go there (agh, I hate that). I keep going because
1) I remember one way therapy taught me to treat someone else better, so it wasn't just self centered
2) Some of the stuff I'm dealing with might probably be real stuff therapy can help with, and if I quit again, I'll keep wondering if it could have helped like I did all the rest of the times I quit
2.5) Sometimes when I'm doing better, there is a big difference in how I feel. I don't know if it's realistic to hope to feel that way more often, but the worst thing that can happen by trying is I get embarrassed for wanting too much.
3) It's not really hurting anyone for me to go to therapy. My t is getting paid for it and I can afford my copays and the time off from work. So if I quit, it's probably because I'm afraid to deal with stuff.
4) Even for my issues that aren't that major, therapy could help make me a stronger person one way or another- maybe at least I'll stop worrying about whether I should go to therapy. I bet t would love to hear THAT as the goal of my therapy!

BTW, I think you've just been going for a little while, same as me lyib. I hope you stick with it

Oh GOOD. I'm so glad. I was just wondering if no one else had the urge to say take this therapy and shove it sometimes. I'm glad I'm not alone.

I often get the urge to quit. Mainly due to me being frustrated with my inability to find away to talk.

Yes, I will! I was just wondering, you know...

After today, I have had serious thoughts about quitting, trying not to let my anger win though. I keep going becauase my t is the only one I can be myself with. No happy face required

Swimmergirl, I lolled at your "or some other mumbo jumbo" . I wondered if your old t was new, inexperienced and nervous, and that's why he didn't open up to you much. That's really cool you got a new t who does open up like you need.

Lyib.........I am glad you will keep going. I hope I didn't hijack your thread. I'm sorry if I did.
Learning I'm glad you laughed. And that was exactly the case, new T has more experience and more confidence. Old T was still what I needed at that time though.
Like another poster, I sometimes wonder if my "issues" are bad enough for therapy. But I have noticed progress...........especially with my ability to let things go a lot easier than I could before. But yeah, sometimes therapy sucks.

Swimmer girl that's lovely! I had no idea you had a new T- I remember you having one before but it's fantastic this one is skilled.

As for the urge to quit, being burned b4 has made me cautious. I don't want to do therapy if it means not opening up, but at the same time, you have to tread carefully when you don't KNOW someone, and they know all about you, no? I personally in my life hate it when people lie to me and then you don't know what's what. So I feel bad doing it with a therapist. But sometimes you just have to be one foot in, one foot out, until you know you can do the real work. Story of my life.