T trying to tell me something?

A few weeks ago when I was walking into T's office she mentioned that I always smile at her in the waiting room. She said that most people don't smile. I laughed and didn't think much of it. Then the following week as I was walking into her office we had our typical "How are you?" "Good, how are you?" "Good." Exchange. It's habit for me to ask people how they are, and though I know she isn't going to tell me about her day, I would feel rude not asking, you know? So, we do that every week, but this particular week she mentioned it, noticed that we do it every week, and I think she said she enjoyed it. We laughed a little about it and moved on...

Is she trying to get me to see something that I'm just not seeing? I've been assuming that she's just making small talk. I like her, of course I'm going to smile when I see her, even when I'm miserable. I mean.. she's so short (and so am I. We're about the same height) it's hard not to smile. But now I'm wondering if she thinks I'm fake.

I can't even give my T eye contact, so maybe she is just noticing that you are able to do that.

That brings up a good point... I'm generally pretty good with eye contact and smiling and small talk because I've learned how to do all of that while working in retail. (Everything I know I learned as a sales manager, is the title of my next book, lol) So... I think that sometimes I treat my sessions like I would a business meeting. I'm kind of emotionless and task oriented. It's not hard to make eye contact when I'm detached. So I guess I'm wondering if she's mentioning these things because she thinks I'm being detached or fake. Or maybe I'm just reading into it too much. I'm absolutely insane.

I think we read too much into these things. I believe that upon initial contact a T will size us up to gauge what kind of mood we are in to get an idea what our session will be like. i do groups with kids and when i go out into the lobby, i can tell the way they are sitting in theri chairs, the looks on their faces, how interacting with their parents what kind of mood they are in and i will make comments as we walk to my office. My T too will look me up and down walking to his office. comment on my smile, or lack of. I hate that walk down the hall. it is so awkward. so maybe your T is just making conversation. if something were to come of it, it probably would have already. another thing my T used to do i thought was some kind of plot to get a message through was he would gently touch my arm. it seemed every session, every group i went to he managed to touch me, not in an inappropriate way at all, just a hand on me briefly as he walked by or when we stood. i thought he was trying to desensitize me to human touch and i just wanted to yell at him that it wasnt going to work, that everytime he touched me it still creeped me out, but i couldnt be certain if he was doing it on purpose or not. nothing ever came of it. i think i was reading too much into it. if he was doing it for a reason, it would have come out by now.

I have this same worry, very often. But I agree with kaliope - I do think we tend to read too much into these sorts of things. My T might wonder why I always smile at her and make jokes that get us laughing, but when we get into serious stuff, I think she can see that my feelings are genuine. Therapists remember the reasons why we sought therapy in the first place, and the fact that we approach them with a good mood isn't going to make them think we're fake or that our feelings aren't valid. Maybe talk to your T about this?

I don't think she is trying to tell you something, I think she is just letting you know how she sees you and that you are smiling. Are you glad to see her? Or a nervous smile?
I'm curiouis why your thought is that she would be thinking you are 'fake'.

I think that first few minutes can be so awkward and it sounds like the way my session starts and has started most of the time for the last 4+ years. Other times we just say "Hi" and I go from there.

Do you think you tell your T about your thoughts and concerns in your post?

It sounds like she really likes you and may be happy to see that you ask about her, even if she can't answer. That you are a well-mannered human!

I've noticed my T always smiles when he sees me, and it makes me smile back, because I *am* happy to see him.

This week, when I saw him the day after I put my cat to sleep, he saw me and made a sad face and it was so weird. It made me sad

For me, our shared smiles are a shared "hey, here we are, this is good"

It really IS hard not to read into things T says. I bet she likes seeing that smile...if you're unsure, can you ask?

You are all so great. ((((((((group hug)))))))))

Ah, so I'm well mannered, I like that perspective! Much better than worry.

I've been called fake before, mostly by my friends who aren't in retail. It's important to me that I be approachable and friendly at work, not just for sales reasons, but also because I think it's the right thing to do. I have had customers that drove me insane, but I always try to maintain composure and treat them the way I would want to be treated. I personally don't think this makes me fake, I think it makes me patient. Not everyone sees it that way, though. My ex (who I now have a restraining order against, so you can guess how close we are..) always called me fake because of the way I interact with my customers and some other people in my life. I try not to take everything she says at face value, but it's hard to not look at myself when people say things like that. I wasn't wondering if T thought I was fake until I remembered a conversation where I was talking about potentially doing something and T said "Isn't that a little disingenuous?" That was months ago but I just remembered it and looked up the definition of disingenuous. One of the meanings is insincere... so I began to wonder if perhaps there was a pattern that T was seeing that I was missing... which brought me to the smiling and chit chat.

Ultimately, I don't think I'm insincere. I think I have difficulty being in touch with my emotions... perhaps if I felt my emotions I could be more sincere about them. I don't know. But the more I think about it, the more I realize that I wouldn't want to do anything but smile at T. She's kind, and adorable, and funny, and short. What is there not to smile at?

Thanks again -CoY

And yes, I will ask her. I'm trying to prioritize my list of things to talk about Fri since this is the first session back from her vacation. Can't wait!!

How about asking her why she's saying that? I learned something from my specialist T - that I sometimes use my smile as my mask. I was astounded to hear that but I think it's true. Talking to your T about it can lend some insight maybe.

But what is fake? There are different levels of intimacy.

I generally laugh when I'm anxious (around T). Elsewhere, I don't let my anxiety shows.
She's mentioned it to me once or twice, even got annoyed when I started laughing at something she said.
But I've been able to tone it down to a smile now... Which she's pointed out as well.
I think they're trained in nvc or non verbal communication as well as verbally.

My T tells me to be interested in myself - so whatever I think / feel, not to judge it but to have a "hmmm that's interesting" moment.