Not how I'd planned it, but what can I expect?

Hmm..........

Trying to process this session as best as possible. I guess I got something out of it. Well, we pretty much stayed on two separate yet intertwining topics...my body issues and whether or not I actually need therapy. The latter of these I'm sure is more interesting. She said that she's often caught between two sides with me...in her words "...I'm not sure if she really needs to be here but I like her so much so I don't want to stop...GRR". So, my question, T, is: Do I or don't I??? She said that her gut feeling is that I do. We talked about how to tell whether my "issues" are caused from an honest disorder, or rather having the mentality of a writer where my creativity only exacerbates the problem.

Petty, huh?

I don't know how I feel about this session. Wait, no, I do. RUSHED. Basically I had to cram a month's worth of emotions into 45 minutes. 45 because she was a little late getting me in and we ended at the time we always do. Otherwise, I'm naturally leaning towards looking at the bad. Talked about ending again and all that it brings up for me. She said that she most likely won't end up seeing me for as long as my Old T did, but instead might space my sessions further and further apart as we approach the inevitable end.

Don't get me wrong - there were good things said too. I really got her laughing after reading part of "that thing" I posted in another thread. Something in my writing and its analysis of my feelings cracked her up, and she started laughing, saying "You're a walking DSM!" I love that. Something about that remark is sweet in my opinion. Ok, so I do tend to examine myself a little too closely, but can't it only help? Oh, and I let her keep the thing I wrote to read later. We barely had time to go over the little I did read.

So, all in all, some triggery stuff - majorly. Some tears, some laughs, and still I come away dissatisfied. I guess it's just the fact that the session was over so quickly that bugs me. I hate being subject to my parent's rule. I know it's expensive to go weekly, but I cannot do monthly. Before today I hadn't seen her since June 27th, and that is just wayyyyy too long between sessions.

Can anyone relate? I mean, anyone at all? Basically this left me feeling that my problems are fake or not a big enough deal to warrant therapy. Maybe it's just my issue. I think the anticipation of today's session led me to expect too much of it.

I don't know what my problem is anymore. I don't even know whether or not I should go back. Maybe I just...shouldn't.

havent start therapy yt so i dnt no how it works but if you feel like you still need to go then is that not a good idea to stay going. i just read what other people where saying about therapy and they all say if you feel you need it then you no your self better than any1.

Does your therapist mean that you need to go anymore but your just afraid that you wont be able to cope without it. has it become a kind of crutch for you ?

I dont no if this makes sense 2 u

Hi there,

I can understand how it feels to feel low after a session even when a session goes pretty well, it can be hard to feel good when it's over. However I think there is also good reason to feel worried if you feel you are being pushed to end when you don't want to.
Perhaps you need think about what you do get from therapy to think if it is worth it or not- what are the benefits of it for you??
How often do you normally see your T?

I understand about analyzing so much. I am very impressed at your keen reasoning at such a young age.

My feeling is that you should continue. From my perspective, sometimes it is necessary to just have a place where you feel heard. I have also struggled with wondering if I should be in therapy - because I don't have serious problems like PTSD, SUI thoughts, Bipolar, etc. so I felt I should not be wasting my T's time.

But, just because our struggles may not be as serious as others', it doesn't mean that we don't deserve help in overcoming them also.

Hang in with it.

Thank you!

I SO get this. My presenting issue was anxiety, and that was two years ago. Self-esteem issues are what I suspect to be the root cause of everything...such a walk in the park compared to the stuff other people are in therapy for.

Thank you for this

Thank you. I guess the benefits for me are just simply being heard. And having someone to help sort out my stuff with. Most people in real life are either unable or unwilling to do this to a great depth, it seems. At least in my life, but then again I'm 16 and most other teens are busy discussing the latest celebrity gossip and "who's going out with who", rather than unconscious motives and desires. I was born to be a psych major.

I normally see her biweekly. Neither of us likes this, but what can one do with no money, no job, while living under the parent's roof?

A counselor friend on another forum just sent me this message in response to my session recap - I sent him the first post of this thread as well to gain a second opinion.

Makes sense. I don't think my problems are completely "fake", it just feels like I exaggerate them.

This is always the central issue that I cannot dig around. It baffles me, really, as to why I would think this way.

Seems like something to discuss with your T.

I know I sound like a broken record and you guys are getting sick of my redundant posts, but I have tried and tried to understand this thing that's sitting right in front of me - for two years I have tried to uncover this and I can't. I'm not going to leave it alone.

Maybe it would help if I stated the core problem/question...

Why do I feel I exaggerate my issues, and what would cause me to do so?

I think it comes down to a matter of the comfort I receive from T. From the being heard and supported, all of that. Who would want to give up comfort? It's understandable when I think about it.

Oooooh, I hate that.

T was on a long vacation once, and I was the first appointment when he came back. BOTH of us were like "yay! first appointment after vacation!" when I scheduled it, but the session itself left me kind of anxious and disappointed...and I do think it was because I had this kind of internal pressure, and too many expectations about how the session would go.

As for whether or not you "need" therapy...there is never, EVER any reason to compare your therapy to anyone else's, or your issues or pain or needs to anyone else's. You are you, and you need what you need, and that is totally, completely valid. If you are benefiting from therapy (and it sounds like you are if the anxiety isn't an issue anymore) and you want to continue, then why shouldn't you? For me, knowing that I have that safe place to just get away from the world for an hour a week is huge.

It's such a bummer when we're left with that "" feeling after session. Be gentle with you...you are doing good work

Thank you soooo much Tree...I think I need to just get back to normal with T - which in itself isn't too "normal" because even biweekly seems like eternity. I agree - getting away for that hour IS huge. I guess I just for so long have had the mindset that if I don't come in with a serious presenting issue, then I don't need to be there. So many people have told me this isn't true, T included, and so many times I have wished I could believe them....trying to tune out this voice in my head is like fighting against my most intimate, deeply held beliefs, so I guess that's why it's so hard to feel otherwise.

I need to get to the point of believing this instead of just reading it and agreeing with it.

I think to a certain extent, everyone exaggerates their problems.
Because we have a tendency to blow it out of proportion in our heads.

But I've been told time and time again that therapy isn't something that's done TO you; it's YOU making a conscious effort to have a decent conversation WITH yourself ABOUT yourself, with guidelines from someone who will be objective throughout.
I.E. Someone to call you on your bs.

In my experience, once a month is fair- especially when it's starting to wind down- even at the peak of my issues, I couldn't deal with once every 2 weeks. I went crazy and eventually, T realised and started spacing out my sessions more.

I guess I don't feel at all that it's starting to wind down. I've only seen her for five months, and though that is an eternity in CBT time, I just do not feel like much has happened. Maybe it's that I'm not working hard enough - but from reading these posts I don't really appear passive about my therapy, so that might not be the case. Two years is a long time for issues as simple as mine, but that was just a bad therapeutic relationship from the get-go. I don't think we ever did much work while in session, we sort of just went over the same problems again and again without more than a few supportive comments from the therapist. That was back when my anxiety was at its worst, also, so it wasn't like I didn't have anything to work with.

I'll see what T says. In the two week interim I'll probably just analyze it more, as tends to be the case. T is someone who can talk me down from the constant examination - she can verify what is real and help me cast away what isn't. I need that more often.

Indie - I have a suggestion - stop analyzing. You can make yourself crazy trying to 'figure it out'. Go live life. Engage in activities. Write for the local newspaper. See a movie. Read some novels. Go to the beach. Learn how to ride a unicycle. Listen to birdsong.

But, stop thinking so much. Believe me, it won't make things any clearer in your mind. I know that by personal experience. When your mind defaults into that analytical pattern, jolt it back to the present moment and find something else to think about - like trying a new chocolate chip cookie recipe or learning the Swahili words for love or studying origami or trying your hand at the harmonica or researching the history of the English language.

You'll enjoy yourself more by doing that. Honestly.

Yeah...analysis used to be quite interesting...now all my once "revolutionary" thoughts on self have become exhausted. I'm trying to expand my writing skills by doing so, though. It is (not quite so incidentally) what I write about best. But I agree - I do need to get out of my head for awhile. I need to go back to school.