[SweetSunshine]

Hubby and I saw our marraige therapist last Wednesday. We realized on Friday that our T never gave us "HOMEWORK" to do like he usually does. So I called Yesterday afternoon when I thought about it ,even after I was over there just an hour before! lol!! I left him a voicmail and he just called me back. I think he gave us more homework to do that he ever has before! This is absolutely too much ! lol. Our big thing we are working on is our budget. We got a bit of the budget we are going to do down. Just barely starting to enforce it now. So now we need to look at my income from my candle business . Which it is going ok. I've had a few parties and such, but I know its going to slow down here after Christmas and all. I am terrible at math. Just horrible at it! And now he wants us to figure out the percentages of what part of my income will go back into the business and what will go toward paying hubby back for the amount he let me use out of our checkbook for the intial start up fee for the kit. I have to figure out profit percentages too. Also any money leftover at the end of the month (Spendable income) we have to figure out what goes into the savings,retirement fund and what we get to use as mad money. And I know hubby's hair will stand up at that one. He wont want any mad money available at all ! We also need to work on the Savings allocation sheet and think about what we need to save up for .. like if anything goes out.

I am sorry I know most of this is prolly everyday stuff for you guys. But I was never taught how to do this and I am not good at it. I am very intimidated by it too. It just seems to be too much to handle and I am really starting to freak out here! Gosh how I wish I had been able to grow up with better family dynamics than what I had. BAH!!!!!!

Bethy

[kimmydawn]

(((((((((((((((bethy))))))))))))))))))

Whew! That made me all nervous reading it! I do all the bills here. Hubby puts in what he thinks he should and doesn't give it another thought unless I cry about it or something.

You are going to do this, I know. You're going to be so proud of yourself when you do it too.

I hope you keep us posted?

KD

[JustBen]

It sounds like a lot of work, Bethy, so I wouldn't feel bad about being a little overwhelmed. Could you go to the library and get a book out on the subject? This kind of stuff is hard to just "figure out", and if someone else has already figured it out, why reinvent the wheel?

[SweetSunshine]

Ben ~ What kind of book do I look for? I've got no idea. Any suggestions would help. Thanks
Bethy

[JustBen]

Try looking for books on home budgets, home-based businesses, and personal financial planning. When all else fails, ask the librarian. I used to be a little hesitant to ask them for help, but I've found that most of them are really helpful and they appreciate the human contact.

[SweetSunshine]

Hey thanks. I will look into it. I appreciate the advice . Take care!

Bethy

[kimmydawn]

Beth,

I can't remember if I offered when I responded to your PM yesterday, but I could help a bit if you want. I know it's something for you and hubby to do but I might have some suggestions for you two.

When I worked my own company, I had to deal with quite a bit there.

Let me know...

KD

[SweetSunshine]

OHhh gosh Kimmy that would be wonderful!!!!!!!!I would appreciate that soo much!!!!!I am just so lost. I dont know whare to begin because its not a steady income ya know? I mean I dont know week to week , month to month what its going to be. If you want to post it here thats fine cause it might help someone else out . But if you want to pm me thats fine too. Whatever your comfortable with. THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!

Hugz~
Bethy

[Peanuts]

I use Quicken which is a software package that has a budget section. You can setup on-line access to checking and savings account. If you have a checking account, you can setup quicken to "schedule" payments. It is really a helpful tool for me to keep my budget straight and I rarely forget or miss sending in a payment for credit cards or loans. I even send my mortgage pmt through Quicken. Microsoft publishes a personal mgmt tool called Money that does the same.

I like the budget section where you can plug in your monthly utilities, rent/mortgage, food, entertainment. And then you can see where you are financially. And you can track the actual spending and categorize where you are spending.

Using a software tool was helpful for me. Good luck.

[SweetSunshine]

Thanks Peanuts. I had Quicken on my old computer but not on my new one here. Well its year old so the newer one I guess you would call it. I'll have to see when I get the money to invest in getting the program. Sounds like it would be helpful . Ohh the joys of budgeting ... no wonder I never got into this! ICK! LOL

Hugz~
Bethy

[SweetSunshine]

So Hubby and I had another session today with our marraige therapist. I was upset cause I have expressed several times to my husband that he needs to let me know when he is up to working on our assignments .All this week he never said a word, he continuously went in the living room after dinner and took a nap or went upstairs to take a nap. I refuse to work on everything by myself! This is supposed to be our homework. So he got called on it today . He didnt like it. T said your the one that wants this budget stuff implemented ASAP. And Beth shouldnt have to work on it by herself either. Why havent you been helping? Hubbys response was... I was too tired. I said the last time we had an assignment I covered our arse's by doing it myself , I am not doing it again! Our T agreed with me totally. And he said that Tom needs to take my open invitation and jump on it. So on top of our last assignment we now have to also learn to speak up with eachother more. Especially concerning household chores and our homework.

I feel we really got alot talked about today as far as communication skills go. And believe me we needed it. I think hubby is finally starting to see why I have been doing and saying some of the things I do now that I have learned in my own therapy. I think we are both finally seeing some concrete progress . And that is such a good feeling.

[JustBen]

This sounds like solid progress. It's very reasonable to expect him to do his fair share of the work. When he leaves to relax or take a nap after dinner, do you call him on it right there or do you wait for your therapist to call him on it?

[Beautiful_Pain]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I think we are both finally seeing some concrete progress . And that is such a good feeling

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I'm so glad to hear Beth =) I hope it continues to get better, its great hearing you say 'good feeling' =D {{{beth}}}

[SweetSunshine]

Ben ~
Basically I've been waiting to talk about it in therapy. Our homework for the week though has been to talk to eachother about it instead of leting it pass. But I cannot stress enough how much I am scared of this. He blows up so easily lately. And I am scared of his reaction to what I might say even if it is in a healthy manner. And I cant deal with his violent reactions again. He's never hit me,but he has yelled at me and thrown things around the house. The throwing stuff happened this late summer. I just wish I could feel it getting easier ... and at times I do but I still feel such hesitation there to speak up about my feelings. Progress has been good , but I need it to be better and I think he does too on my part. Its so hard though sometimes with my problems and with how people in my life before him have had reactions that have been similar to his.
Thanks for replying.
Beth

[SweetSunshine]

Thank you BP! Its slow but good ...I just need it to be better so that it sticks with us everyday.

Hugz~
Bethy