Paying someone to care

What you are saying is that you want some people in your life who care about you. And that right now you feel it's odd because you're getting that in therapy. I can understand that, and I hope that the idea of this growing to include people in your life who care helps you feel hopefull and excited!

Yes! Thank you for understanding.

I've never thought I was paying my T to care. I have thought and felt guilty that I had to pay someone listen to me talk for an hour.

I have very few friends and the only real socialization I get each week is T, so sometimes I feel that I have to pay to get someone to talk to me.

I have similar thoughts. My payments allow her to live her life, take care of herself and allow for her ability to help me and other people like me and to do a job that she loves.

I felt the same way in the beginning but now I am glad for my T. I am happy to pay her because I feel it is the least I can do to give back to her. She has given me so much, and I feel my co-pay is so inadequate in comparison. I certainly pay for her time but she goes above and beyond the session by reading my frequent emails and text messages, returning calls, and listening to voicemails. She has also given me her love and comfort and is slowly making me whole.

I think eventually it will come to matter less how T got into your life and only that T is in it.

Therapists care. They truly do. I know a few and they care deeply. It's complicated.

I volunteer on another site, offering support. I'm also studying to become a therapist so I'm often asking the therapists on the site for help/advice in how best to support others. It isn't the same thing, obviously, but it has given me glimpses of the other side. I struggle a lot with caring so very much about everyone that comes to the forum. I tend to take on others' pain...and this can deplete one's energy. It probably isn't best for the person being supported either. I have been challenged with finding a balance in this. You love and care for the people you talk with (well at least I do and I know my therapist friends do as well), but loving and caring has to have its place in how best to serve the other person's needs. Sometimes you love and care the very most by showing restraint and respecting boundaries. This is the place of the therapeutic relationship. Yes, therapists get paid for doing a job. But, the good ones, care very much. If I make it one day to becoming a therapist, I will get paid...but that pay won't change who I am inside. It won't change how deeply I care about others and want to help them. It won't change my desire to be a nurturing, loving, giving person. It won't change the fact that I will offer this...within the bounds of a therapeutic relationship...with respect, care and love for all of humanity.

It's true that the therapeutic relationship is different from others, but it can still be quite beautiful. Money can't ever make someone care. Our shared connection in being human does.

I love this ^^^^^ You have written beautifully and i believe you will make a fabulous therapist. My emphasis on the original post has somewhat been taken out of context. What i felt was that i had to pay to feel listened to and safe. My point was not that i had to give money for it but that i couldn't get what i needed from the people around me and that made me sad that i don't have an emotionally nourishing support system outside of therapy. Of course therapists can't do it for free, nor would i expect them to.

xx

some times the people around us can't give that same expert advise as a t or pdoc I have not been to therapy yet still trying to find a place but my bf told me this and I have now excepted I may get better help with some one with a degree.
My dad use to have a saying he always told me when a young one and a teenager that therapists and psychiatrist are just people you pay to be your friend to listen to you..... I don't believe this fully for they give you advise and if needed and able to, meds if needed...

i pay my T to try and help me when and if i ever give hr the chance.i just hope that she cares about me aslo

I get this. I have a couple acquaintance friends I have not pushed away or avoided the last ten years or so, but they are not like me in many ways. I want to learn how to be a more genuine me and to seek out friendships based in mutual interest and respect who I can count on if needed and to socialize with more regularly. Acquaintance based superficial friendships are not bad, just not as fulfilling.

With Ts help, I want to work through some things to understand myself better from a different point of view, with the help of someone with a trained ear. Hopefully, that will relieve some of the anxiety/depression feelings I have acquired since college to where I can make positive changes in my life. Right now, it is all I can do to work full time, keep up with chores/bill paying, and do minimal social things w/family, etc. My one hour with T is a godsend! I think it is something everyone could benefit from, even those people that seem constantly happy - you know they are hiding sumthin'!

My T cares so much, there is no way to put a money amount on that. That's just something I wanted to mention.

I do know what you mean. But I think it is helpful to tweak this thought a little bit. A hallmark of depression is that you feel worthless when you are certainly not. It is this particular outlook that you are taking to the doctor. It makes total sense to get to a doctor if you have a broken leg or an infection. These issues can be painful and life-threatening. Depression is also painful and life-threatening. A T can be kind -- and should be a good listener. But a T is not a friend but a doctor. A doctor to help you see how important you are. The true you.