[WePow]

http://blogs.psychcentral.com/privat...-ideal-client/

I just read this and it made me think. My T has told me that he looks forward to seeing me. He has a CSA history and I know we can relate to each other. Even though the work is challenging for both of us, I do believe I would fit (for the most part) into my T's idea of an "ideal" client based on this article.

My questions for you guys would be
1) Do you feel you are an "ideal client" for your T?
2) Do you feel that your T is an "ideal T" for you?

[skysblue]

WePow - just a couple of weeks ago I would have voted that T and I were a perfect fit. I can't vote now because I'm not sure where we are in our relationship. Maybe I'll vote in a month or so.

[sittingatwatersedge]

WePow -
1. no way - I am probably antithesis of ideal. Complicated, closed.....
2. not ideal, but good for me.

Somewhere I saw a list of "ideal client" traits, what do you think of this?
1.Motivated, ready to work (x13)
2.Open-minded, flexible, adaptable (x9)
3.Introspective, contemplative, curious about self (x7)
4.Consistent (with payment & appointments) (x5)
5.Verbal, communicative (x4)
6.Honest (x4)
7.Trusting (x4)
8.Creative (x2)
9.Sense of humor (x2)
10.Intelligent
11.Enough symptoms to keep things interesting
12. Spiritual
13.Non-resistant
14.Cash pay
15.Gracious
16.Tolerance for ambiguity
17.Will tolerate pain for growth
18.Neurotic
19.Sparring

[WePow]

Sitting - that is a cool list!

[Perna]

I'm not sure we can know enough about our T to know if we are what they want as an ideal client; I know my T enjoyed me (or she wouldn't have been as animated/responsive?) and I deliberately chose her to see; neither of us accidentally (unplanned) missed many sessions in 18 years and were never late; we were both committed to working together. I was one of my T's last clients so, I guess she liked working with me?

First, I voted that my T and I are a perfect fit. That doesn't mean he's perfect or I'm perfect. It just means that we click really well together.

1) Do I think that I am an ideal client for my T? Yeah, probably, if you go by the list in the article. I participate actively. I'm not resistant to the process. I am consistent in my attendance and payment. I respect his skills. I don't abuse his services by calling frivolously. I can't remember what else was on the list. My husband also sees my t and I know my husband is not the ideal client. He forgets appointments. He cancels or skips appointments often and sometimes with little to no notice. He has really resisted the process for years, although he's getting better about that.

2) Is my T ideal for me? Absolutely. He's honest. He is consistent. He is supportive. He is highly skilled. He's brought me along by leaps and bounds.

[granite1]

seems to me if you are accomplished in everything on these lists why do you need therapy.and if you are not than the T is selling out by seeing you and is not happy .wow dont like these lists at all

[Sannah]

I agree granite. Maybe what they mean is that the client is willing to move toward these attributes?

I can have all of those attributes, Granite, and that still won't change the fact that I have a mental illness, that I have PTSD as the result of multiple CSA, that I have relationship issues with my husband.

[Perna]

I think it is like being a good student; there are those who do their homework, pay attention in class, don't cut classes, think about what they're learning, etc. They still need "school"/education they're just going with it rather than against it. It's the ones who don't do the things on the list I'd ask why they are bothering with therapy; the therapist can't make us better, that's our job/interest and if we aren't working at it then why spend the time and money.

Originally Posted by Perna

I think it is like being a good student; there are those who do their homework, pay attention in class, don't cut classes, think about what they're learning, etc. They still need "school"/education they're just going with it rather than against it. It's the ones who don't do the things on the list I'd ask why they are bothering with therapy; the therapist can't make us better, that's our job/interest and if we aren't working at it then why spend the time and money.

Kind of the "you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink" thing. As a teacher, we run into this often. Students who skip classes, or come to class but want to sleep or disrupt the educational process in the classroom for all involved, students who refuse to do any work outside of class, students who refuse to even try an assignment because it looks too hard for them (they refuse to challenge themselves because its "too much work"). These are not our "ideal" students. We still work with them. We teach our butts off and work to find ways to motivate them. We try to find out what it is exactly that keeps them from choosing to take advantage of the educational opportunity they are being provided. But the bottom line is that "you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink." These students are difficult, frustrating, exasperating at times, but we still have their best interests in mind and we keep trying because that is our job. That is our chosen vocation.

[BlessedRhiannon]

I think my Tand I are an excellent fit. I'm not sure I'm her 'ideal' client, but if I go based solely off the list in that article, then I suppose I am. I know that she's my ideal T and I feel so lucky to have found her.

[granite1]

i fear that i must be a client that my T should say why bother i guess this is why i am so freaked by these lists.according to tham i am the worst and it conferms my fearswho knows maybe this is a waste .sorry to be such a bummer about this it is just really hitting home and huge issues for me i just wanted to say this and i will not post anymore ok thanks for reading

[Sannah]

granite this is important stuff for you to be aware of about yourself. Don't feel that you are being a downer on this thread!

I like Farmergirl's explanation comparing the ideal client to the ideal student to the more challenging student. I like it because as someone who works with children in an educational setting, I'm the person who prefers to work with the more challenging students as opposed to the student who comes to class prepared, on time and well motivated. I don't dislike the ideal student, I just find myself really digging in and coming up with more creative ways of interacting with more challenging students. They spark something in me and make me a better sch. psychologist. I've worked with teens with severe emotional and behavioral difficulties for twenty-eight years and I wouldn't trade them for the more traditional student for anything! They keep me on my toes, they challenge me and astound me with the difficulties and struggles they face in order to make their way in this world. I love helping them navigate that path.

I think therapists are the same way. I think some therapists want the client who comes in, states what they want to work on and moves consistently forward in pursuit of those goals. But I also think there are therapists who enjoy a different kind of challenge. That therapist might not fill their entire caseload with difficult or challenging clients, but they want a percentage of their caseload to be the kind of client who really needs the support, patience and guideance of a truly gifted therapist. Why else would be have such talented therapists who take on challenging clients who have experienced severe trauma histories with repeated therapeutic failures? I think it is truly individual. The thing I liked about the article is that it pointed out to me that therapists need to be in touch with what type of client they prefer and can handle most effectively. That way, some of the severe ruptures that occur because a therapist gets in over his/her head with a challenging client might not happen so frequently. Just my thought on the issue.

PS I do think, however, that all therapists want a client who pays on time. I sure know that I like my paycheck on the day and time I'm scheduled to get it!

[nicoleb2]

I am not the ideal client - I frustrate my T quite frequently.

My T is ideal for me because she will push me when i need to be pushed, but will back off if she can tell I cant handle things that day

[sittingatwatersedge]

Granite can you possibly see yourself as not motivated, not wanting to work? On the contrary, your efforts are tremendous; I for one am constantly surprised and inspired by the determination you are showing to get into the work in whatever creative way you can.

I don't think that the things listed are ones that can simply be; some of them take time & work, sometimes a lot (thinking of trust here, and myself).
I see a lot of things on that list that fit you (and don't fit me)... therapy is a complicated work, and has a lot of facets. I bet there isn't one "ideal" client out there!

[lastyearisblank]

I have taught too and I love all of my students. They are my babies! The only ones I don't like, and I know you're not supposed to admit this, is the bullies, and I have to imagine it might be similar for Ts. After all they do hear how we relate to the other people in our lives. A client might bring all kinds of difficulties relating or keeping a schedule into therapy but the biggest gift they do bring is themselves and their willingness to learn and grow.

((((((granite))))))) I don't get why that list is so triggering to you, "knowing" you from on here you have all those qualities. I know it is hard to express it in therapy sometimes but those good things are worth the wait.

[Dr.Muffin]

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

WePow -
1. no way - I am probably antithesis of ideal. Complicated, closed.....
2. not ideal, but good for me.

Somewhere I saw a list of "ideal client" traits, what do you think of this?
1.Motivated, ready to work (x13)
2.Open-minded, flexible, adaptable (x9)
3.Introspective, contemplative, curious about self (x7)
4.Consistent (with payment & appointments) (x5)
5.Verbal, communicative (x4)
6.Honest (x4)
7.Trusting (x4)
8.Creative (x2)
9.Sense of humor (x2)
10.Intelligent
11.Enough symptoms to keep things interesting
12. Spiritual
13.Non-resistant
14.Cash pay
15.Gracious
16.Tolerance for ambiguity
17.Will tolerate pain for growth
18.Neurotic
19.Sparring

if we're talking about perfection, then that would be the list, guess...

however, we all live in a little place called reality, where NO ONE is perfect/ideal. everyone has some desirable traits and some less desirable traits.

i think (much like parenting) what it comes down to is goodness of fit.

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by WePow

1) Do you feel you are an "ideal client" for your T?

I think I fit into the category of clients he likes to work with. I think therapists like to work with clients who have the issues and challenges that they have chosen to specialize in. My T is a trauma expert and also works a lot with married couples who need help with their relationships. He doesn't abandon the couple if they decide to get a divorce but continues to work with them to "uncouple." My T has told me that his favorite kind of work is helping adult children reconcile with their parents. We have worked some on parent-child (me being the child) relationships. We've also worked on trauma, marriage, and divorce. So I think I fit into several of the areas my T is most interested in. He told me when we started that he doesn't do longterm therapy, which he defined as over 3 years. He and I have been seeing each other longer than that, so I am not in his most preferred group of clients in this regard. He has also told me that he likes that I am quite direct in communication and that he has to spend a lot of time early in therapy with quite a few clients teaching them how to communicate with him more directly. So I think he liked this about me too, at the beginning. So I don't know if I am my T's ideal client, but I think I am more than acceptable.

2) Do you feel that your T is an "ideal T" for you?

He and I are a great fit. I don't have a long list of qualities I think a T must have in order to be ideal. I am pretty flexible and could adapt to a number of different Ts, I think. Things I like about my T is that he is willing to go deep, he does not hesitate to show emotion in session and this makes him a great role model for me, and that we connect super easily. Of those 3 things, I think the one that may be most essential to me in a therapist is the willingness and ability to go deep. My first therapist was very superficial and I am not sure if that was by choice or ability. She was a nice lady, and we did some useful work together but I outgrew her, in part because she couldn't go deep, and I needed that.

WePow, there was something about that article you linked to that kind of skeeved me out.

My T and I are a perfect fit I think. She says I am a really good client. I think she's just the best, except for the fact that she can't be on time for anything to save her life!! But that is okay because she's still awesome.

Old T used to get frustrated with me all the time. I used to be resistent to change. I'm not sure what else frustrated her... it may have just been HER viewpoint. Anyway, new T is much better.

[Butterflies Are Free]

Great poll.
Well, even though I have BiPolar Disorder and have struggled with negative transference(who hasn't), I know that my T enjoys working with me. I always show up, even when depressed, am very appreciative, continue to work on my core issues through my depressive episodes, and tell my T what I appreciate about her.
My T, on her end, has always been there for me, cared for/about me, helps me through some difficult issues, is trustworthy, and tells me that I matter. Neither one of us is perfect by a long shot but I think we are perfectly suited for each other!

[WePow]

Thanks you guys for the wonderful replies and awesome insights!

Originally Posted by sunrise

WePow, there was something about that article you linked to that kind of skeeved me out.

Sunrise... do tell? All ears.

[granite1]

thanks all you guys i love you all i dont know what i would do with out all the suport you all give me all the time.i am feeling better and sorry to freak out this really made me think

[WePow]

Thank you all for your votes too! It is amazing to see how so many of us feels good about what we have with T. I am sad for those who need a better T. It is a relationship that is unlike any other.