[Indie'sOK]

I went to T today, and we did get into some pretty deep stuff about my low self-esteem and how I set too high of expectations for myself, etc. Near the end of session, we came to the topic of my memories from past years in school, and how it seems like I can't let myself move on from them as I am constantly comparing my "current" anxiety level to that of my past, i.e. if it's become better or worse and how I feel about that improvement or lack of etc. Basically what it comes down to is that my past memories won't let me improve for good. T told me that she wants to start processing this, I'm assuming through EMDR or something of the sort. Here's the problem, and my reason for posting this thread: She and I (especially me) feel that two weeks between sessions is an awfully long time to go when working with processing and the anxiety that will come with it. I really would like to start scheduling weekly sessions instead of biweekly, but my parents are against it as we have one of the higher co-payments and can't afford to go more often. Here's my idea. I'm working now, and making roughly about $100 a week if I work 4 or more shifts. My parents could pay for biweekly sessions as they do now, and I could do the same. We'd alternate weeks so that I'd pay for example the second and last weeks of a month, they would pay the first and third, they'd keep paying the same, and half of my check every other week would go to therapy. This is probably going to be temporary - as long as we're working on this stuff. I'm willing to pay for part of my own therapy. It's my responsibility if I want more sessions. I'm having a hard time bringing this up with my parents, though - I already broached the subject with them and it only served to worry them more. So I don't know what to do about this

Thanks for reading this...sorry I haven't been around as much lately, but in the past week I've gone from sitting on my arse around the house all day to working 4 days in a row. It seems like all I can think about.

Do you think this sounds like a bad idea? This is what I want - what else have I got to spend my paycheck on? I am going to put some of it away as I'm planning on getting a tattoo in a year that is going to cost some bucks, and the rest I would either spend on therapy and stuff for school or whatever..

What do you think? Suggestions?

Thank you (((((hugs)))))

[Hope-Full]

I think it sounds like a great plan, actually! I admire you for being so willing to pay from your own paycheck to further support your growth in therapy. That's good stuff!

I also agree that two weeks between appointments is a long time- and I am impressed that you work that way regularly. I can hardly hold it together the three/four days I have between my appointments!

As you said, too, this will likely be temporary. But really, you are making an investment in yourself, and the payout doing so will end up being greater than anything else you'd have spent your paycheck on

[FourRedheads]

I think you have an excellent plan! Any chance you could print off this thread and read what you've written to your parents?

[kaliope]

I think its a great idea Indie. why would your parents be worried about it? Let them know you will be doing EMDR and you feel you need more time with your therapist and that you are willing to pay for the extra time with her. If its not coming out of their pocket i dont see why they wouldnt agree. if the worry is for your mental health, assure them that the increased time is not an indicator that things have decompensated with you, just that you are at a point that you are wanting to work harder in therapy to move forward so yu feel increased time is needed and you are willing to pick up the tab to do so.

[skeksi]

I'm having a hard time bringing this up with my parents, though - I already broached the subject with them and it only served to worry them more.

It's okay for your parents to worry about you. It's also okay for you to assure them that you are not-quite-okay, but you need your therapist's professional help to get to okay. You have a good, sound plan and I hope it all works out for you.

[Butterflies Are Free]

I think it's a great idea and I think it's great that you are so invested in yourself as well as in your therapy process. I don't think you will ever regret spending the money!

[Wren_]

It sounds like a wonderful idea to me

[Indie'sOK]

Thank you everyone My mother said her and my dad will have to "discuss it". I just don't understand why they wouldn't want me to do this. She's worried I'll have a week where I only work, say, one or two shifts. But I'm going to cash my checks without spending any of the money for awhile to let it build up. It's my own job and my own check, d*mmit, I certainly have a right to spend it how I please. Would they rather I waste it on a new purse or pair of overpriced shoes that I'll wear once? Therapy is not a waste, especially now that we're starting to get somewhere...

Ok, rant over. Thanks again guys, I'm glad you understand.

[skeksi]

I'm sorry your mom is hesitating on this. You are so forward-thinking to realize you can save the money in order to have a cushion for weeks when you have fewer hours. That is very mature of you! I wonder if you could also assure your mother that, should you come up short of $$, you will take responsibility for canceling the appointment ahead of time so that you don't incur a charge (although hopefully this won't happen).

You have a really good perspective on how valuable therapy is to you, and I'm impressed at your willingness to work for it.