[skysblue]

I've attached an article about attachment that is addressed to practicing therapists. So many here on PC fight and resist attachment to their T's but according to the many books I've read about this issue and also in this article, it is mostly (or only?) by attachment to T that we can eventually change our attachment patterns to those that are healthier.

http://www.integrativetherapy.com/en/articles.php?id=73

[granite1]

very cool article

That's a really good article.

My T is very much of the belief that attachment to her is a good thing (Good thing, because I'm so attached to her!!)

Whoa! parts of that article were so powerful.
had me curling myself up into a little ball.... weird?

going to have to read it a few more times

thanks for sharing

[BonnieJean]

Excellent article! Thanks Skyblue.

[crazycanbegood]

Skysblue's posts always bring up the level of and while my posts bring up and

[skysblue]

Originally Posted by crazycanbegood

Skysblue's posts always bring up the level of and while my posts bring up and

I'd say you're much more 'real' than me. I hope to reach your level one of these days.

[crazycanbegood]

simplistic =/ real

[learning1]

I think there are new icons. The witch person with a funnel on her head rocks.



I like these other ones too.

[skysblue]

Originally Posted by SarahMichelle

That's a really good article.

My T is very much of the belief that attachment to her is a good thing (Good thing, because I'm so attached to her!!)

Yeah, when I complained to T months ago about how I had become dependent on her and how much I hated that, she was able to explain very nicely how that is not a weakness but necessary in life. There's nothing wrong with having needs.

[Sannah]

These categories below are very interesting!

I had the Predictably Unresponsive parents which says that I fear being vulnerable - interesting...... The whole paragragh describes how I was pretty much.

How about everyone else? Can you fit yourself into one of these categories or a few?

"When a child's caretakers are inconsistently responsive in satisfying the child's relational-needs, a pattern of clinging and over-dependency develops -- a pattern wherein the child is nervous, constantly focused on the caretaker, and worried about the loss of nurturance. The phenomenological experience of such relational inconsistency is in a sense of "neediness". The person becomes sensitive to other's misattunements and highly adaptive to others in order to get some semblances of his or her needs satisfied. Later in life they often experience that other people will not take their needs seriously. They have an implicit fear of loss of relationship and will often do anything to cling to a relationship even if it is not good for them.

those who had caretakers who were predictably unresponsive to the child's relational needs. When parents, caretakers, teachers or other significant people are consistently emotionally unavailable and predictably unresponsive to relational-needs, the child's needs for security, validation, or self-definition get ignored. When a child's feelings and needs are consistently ignored eventually the child can predict that "I will not get any emotional sensitivity" or "My needs will not be met". In these situations children often give up trying to be connected to significant others or they may even give up sensing their own needs. A child who lives with significant relationships that are consistently misattuned and emotionally unresponsive may later in life compensate for the lack of need satisfaction by avoiding intimacy and undervaluing the importance of relationship. They may appear to be emotionally detached and even disdainful of their own or other people's needs and emotions because they have an implicit fear of vulnerability.

When significant people in a child's life are predictably punishing, particularly when the child is in the midst of expressing his or her relational-needs, there is a disorganizing traumatic reaction within the child's brain and body. This disorganization is profoundly disturbing internally hence subsequently in relationships. If the very person on whom the child depends for need satisfaction is the same one who is predictably punishing, then the child's experience of body sensations, affects, needs, and relationship will be profoundly confusing. This confusion may endure later in life as a highly disorganized style or pattern of attachment because they have a physically intenseimplicit fear of violation.

When a child's natural dependency on significant others for their satisfaction of relational-needs is repeatedly met with invasive and controlling caretaking --- an accumulation of rhythmic and affect misattunements --- the child may then develop patterns of relationship and attachment marked by a social façade, psychological withdrawal, and the absence of emotional expression. People with an isolated attachment style or pattern have an implicit fear of invasion that is reflected in the both their diminished affect and withdrawal in interpersonal contact. To be authentic is sensed as dangerous."

[dizgirl2011]

Hey
thanks for posting the article, it relates to some of the stuff I am talking about in my therapy at the moment!

Very interesting

[skysblue]

Originally Posted by Sannah

These categories below are very interesting!

I had the Predictably Unresponsive parents which says that I fear being vulnerable - interesting...... The whole paragragh describes how I was pretty much.

How about everyone else? Can you fit yourself into one of these categories or a few?

"When a child's caretakers are inconsistently responsive in satisfying the child's relational-needs, a pattern of clinging and over-dependency develops -- a pattern wherein the child is nervous, constantly focused on the caretaker, and worried about the loss of nurturance. The phenomenological experience of such relational inconsistency is in a sense of "neediness". The person becomes sensitive to other's misattunements and highly adaptive to others in order to get some semblances of his or her needs satisfied. Later in life they often experience that other people will not take their needs seriously. They have an implicit fear of loss of relationship and will often do anything to cling to a relationship even if it is not good for them.

those who had caretakers who were predictably unresponsive to the child's relational needs. When parents, caretakers, teachers or other significant people are consistently emotionally unavailable and predictably unresponsive to relational-needs, the child's needs for security, validation, or self-definition get ignored. When a child's feelings and needs are consistently ignored eventually the child can predict that "I will not get any emotional sensitivity" or "My needs will not be met". In these situations children often give up trying to be connected to significant others or they may even give up sensing their own needs. A child who lives with significant relationships that are consistently misattuned and emotionally unresponsive may later in life compensate for the lack of need satisfaction by avoiding intimacy and undervaluing the importance of relationship. They may appear to be emotionally detached and even disdainful of their own or other people's needs and emotions because they have an implicit fear of vulnerability.

When significant people in a child's life are predictably punishing, particularly when the child is in the midst of expressing his or her relational-needs, there is a disorganizing traumatic reaction within the child's brain and body. This disorganization is profoundly disturbing internally hence subsequently in relationships. If the very person on whom the child depends for need satisfaction is the same one who is predictably punishing, then the child's experience of body sensations, affects, needs, and relationship will be profoundly confusing. This confusion may endure later in life as a highly disorganized style or pattern of attachment because they have a physically intenseimplicit fear of violation.

When a child's natural dependency on significant others for their satisfaction of relational-needs is repeatedly met with invasive and controlling caretaking --- an accumulation of rhythmic and affect misattunements --- the child may then develop patterns of relationship and attachment marked by a social façade, psychological withdrawal, and the absence of emotional expression. People with an isolated attachment style or pattern have an implicit fear of invasion that is reflected in the both their diminished affect and withdrawal in interpersonal contact. To be authentic is sensed as dangerous."

I think I may fit into more than one but it's lots of supposition because I have little memory of my childhood. I'm basing it on my current relational responses.

[laceylu]

This article helped me when it said that a person does not have to fit into a specific category. I really think that hiding this info from the patient/client can be detrimental. In my case I was attacked basically for the relationship I had developed with my first T. I am finding out that this is normal and if I could go back to that social services lady who attacked the relationship back then, I could defend myself with all this information that is now on the internet.

Thanks for pulling this out of the long - but very interesting - article. I cannot remember my childhood well, but predictably unresponsive and invasive and controlling really ring a bell, considering the problems I'm working on right now.

"To be authentic is sensed as dangerous." This fits me to a T (no pun intended!!!!) And I've never heard or thought of it before. I think I'll go back and reread the article. Thanks again! This is definitely interesting stuff.

[skysblue]

Originally Posted by TheBunnyWithin

Thanks again! This is definitely interesting stuff.

Yeah, learning about attachment styles, etc. has helped me tremendously in therapy and also to accept and embrace my attachment to my T. It has been a godsend. Otherwise I would still be fighting it with all my might and although it's still uncomfortable, at least now I understand it.

Wow, this is a really great article, very interesting and also very relevant to me personally right now. Thank you for sharing!