[mistica]

I had my first appointment with a new T yesterday. I'm really not sure if it's going to work out and I feel kind of apprehensive about the whole thing. I think the problem is partially that I am comparing to my former T, whom I only left b/c I moved. I guess part of me wanted therapy to be exactly (or close to) how it was before.

My last T I guess had a really calm personality. Not sure exactly how to explain; she spoke to me slowly and calmly, and there was a lot of quiet space where I could process my thoughts and feelings and where we didn't necessarily have to talk and analyze things, though we also did that as needed. Also, aside from some counseling sessions in college that didn't do much for me and didn't last long, this was the only therapy I've had.

So, having had that as my previous experience, I was a little put off by this first session. This T is I guess a little more extroverted and "happy" and talkative. I guess she made a lot of comments that felt more like small talk, and talking about certain tragedies I've had in the past (not a part of why I'm in therapy but it came up) her reaction to that seemed artificial, like making a point of showing sympathy for the sake of showing that...this sounds really crazy. I just don't know if this will get to that same deep level that I had before. However, it was just the first session, and I know I wasn't as comfortable from the outset talking about myself and my problems and feelings.

This is kind of stupid but I am also not crazy about the office, or really the waiting room. My last place had a waiting room where once in a blue moon I would find someone else there waiting quietly (also the therapists in this building all handled the billing and phone calls so there wasn't a reception area). At the new office there are receptionists who check you in; not a big deal but there was just a lot of activity there and loud crying kids and whatnot. It's not a complete dealbreaker but another reminder of how it's different. Though my new T did say she is moving to a new office in a couple months.

Also there were some good differences. My new T said she will give me homework every week and gave me homework this week, which I didn't get before; I was given things to think about but since it wasn't "homework" I didn't always make a point of doing it. I will also start off seeing her every week; my last T was too busy to give me weekly appointments and with my schedule I didn't mind waiting 2 weeks, but it's probably better to come every week. And she (new T) said she would "hold me accountable", though I'm not sure to what; this scared me a lot but I think I need that to grow. And she definitely seems really empathetic and supportive and I believe she is a good and well-trained T, but her approach and personality are just so different than my last T.

I'm just not sure what my apprehensions are all about. Am I just being resistant to change, or do I have some instinct that this will not be the setting I need to work on my problems? I'm trying to be open to different approaches and welcome what the new T has to offer me that will be different than what my previous T offered, but I'm really not sure.

[dizgirl2011]

Hey,

your feelings are completely natural, esp as you got on so well with your last therapist and are probably still grieving the loss of that relationship in a way, so a part of you was really hoping that therapy with the new therapist would be the same and this includes things like the office and waiting room. I think you may compare your new therapist to your old one for a while until you adjust to the new way of working. I think if by 5 or 6 sessions you really don't feel things will become comfortable at all then perhaps it would be best to try someone else.

It's good that you highlighted some positives already about your new therapy situation.

It took a lot of strength to go to someone new so you should definately be proud of yourself for that

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by mistica

Am I just being resistant to change

I think that's a really negative way to characterize your feelings! I think you are missing and mourning your former T, and your feelings are very understandable and natural. You seem very open-minded to me, very even-handed in your assessment of the new T, and like you are committed to giving this T a chance. All very commendable! I think you should do just that--go to several more sessions and see how things go. You might even share your feelings of loss with your new T. She might be able to help with that just by letting you express that you miss your T and listening with understanding. Best of luck.