kind of a silly thread - upcoming "anniversary" session with T

with or without you · Jul 28, 2011, 11:36 AM

Because of the weirdness of the therapeutic relationship, this is the only place I can talk about something like this.

I tend to have an obsession with age, date, time, numbers etc. and have a bit of a photographic memory. I notice coincidences and parallels all the time, like Jung's idea of "synchronicity." A lot of the things I beat myself up for are related to our western "linear" sense of time, rather than the internal clock we all have that tells you when you feel like you're ready to do something. For example, I used to think "oh, I'm 25 and still living at home with mom and I just finished college" or "I'm 29 and I've never been in a romantic relationship, that's so weird".

I started seeing T 10 years ago next month. This momentous anniversary coincides with my 30th birthday. I finally worked up the nerve to ask T if I could see her around my birthday and I made a point of explaining why. She said, "oh that's fine, sure, thanks for telling me that." As a matter of fact, the first time I walked into her office, it was exactly 1 day after my 20th birthday and this special occasion will be exactly 1 day before my 30th birthday.

Needless to say, a lot of s*** has gone down between now and then.

The most dramatic change was the loss of my father. He drove me to my first appointment on that day, and I remember the whole morning. A year later, he was dead.

I guess what I'm trying to say here is that I want to make this visit a really good one [as good as it can possibly be within the context of a therapy session, because I know this isn't a party]. Do you know what I mean? There's so much I want to say at this visit that I don't know where to begin. She's been the one constant in my life this whole time, other than my mother, in terms of constant interaction. Childhood friends, as well as my sister, have come and gone and you just lose touch. People come in and out of your life for one reason or another, you know? It's hard to describe because she's not a friend, but it's not really a business relationship either like your MD, lawyer, financial advisor etc. because of the intense level of human interaction in the service she's providing. I guess the closest thing I can think of is a teacher-student relationship, maybe.

I don't have a desire to give T a gift or token, or even a hug per se, but I want to do something...I just don't know what. I want to ask her how it feels for her to have watched me grow up, I suppose, and how she thinks I've changed...her first impressions of me as a "kid". "So, do you really like me? Did you like me when you first met me?" haha.

We've just been working together for a very long time.

skeksi · Jul 28, 2011, 11:54 AM

It sounds like you want to use the session, as a ten-year anniversary, to reflect on the growth and changes you have made. What a good idea! Why not tell T that's how you'd like to use the time? As to a gift or taken, I think your reflections on how you have grown, with her support, will be a great gift to her, one that she will treasure. She's invested ten years with you, too!

sittingatwatersedge · Jul 28, 2011, 12:16 PM

how about two cupcakes with two small candles; you & T light them, each makes a wish related to your therapy, before blowing them out
and then... whether the two of you talk about your wishes.... ah......

with or without you · Jul 28, 2011, 08:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

how about two cupcakes with two small candles; you & T light them, each makes a wish related to your therapy, before blowing them out
and then... whether the two of you talk about your wishes.... ah......

haha...that sounds a little too "touchy feely" for me, just not my style (nothing personal towards you)

sittingatwatersedge · Jul 28, 2011, 08:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by with or without you

haha...that sounds a little too "touchy feely" for me, just not my style (nothing personal towards you)

wow, curious response. I am one of the least touchy feely people you would ever meet.

with or without you · Jul 28, 2011, 08:48 PM

wow, what does that make me then? LOL

unaluna · Jul 28, 2011, 09:16 PM

Caaaaaaaaake!!!!!

with or without you · Jul 28, 2011, 09:21 PM

I was thinking beer..........................................lol

with or without you · Aug 31, 2011, 04:53 PM

The session that never was...

my appointment was at 2pm on Thursday, and I was coming in from out of town. I couldn't sleep the night before, so I overslept. I knew there was no way I would be able to make it in on time, so I called and left a message. I asked if I could pull over and talk to her on the phone during our time, and she said "of course".

During the first 2/3 of the appointment, I talked about current issues: my sister had to put down our 17 year old dog 2 weeks ago, and my cousin's wife was recently hospitalized in a mental health facility for severe postpartum depression. I felt very wistful when talking about the dog. T pointed out that my dog had been in my life for more than half of it, and it was important to acknowledge it as a huge loss even though she was a pet. I said I felt like there really wasn't much to say about it, because she was the best dog we'd ever had and she way outlived her life expectancy, so the experience of owning her couldn't have happened any better than that.

Then, I told her that in these past 10 years there have only been two people who have been a constant presence in my life - "my mom, and you (in your own role)" Everyone else has come in and out." And I thanked her for providing a sense of continuity in my life that I desperately needed. T told me she appreciated me saying that, and that she was sincerely glad to have been here with me in this decade. She said she found me to be incredibly intuitive and that deep down I really do know how to handle a difficult situation, when to make a major life change, and so on. She said she had seen "such growth" in me with my social anxiety, and how I've been putting myself into uncomfortable social situations on purpose, especially in the last year. T also said she felt honored that I wanted to do a session on my birthday.

I'm mad at myself for not being able to see her in person, but things don't always go your way and you have to accept that.

Wren_ · Aug 31, 2011, 08:42 PM

i'm sorry it didn't end up being in person; but it's still special that you did spend time with her on your birthday and could talk about the great progress you've made

... and also, happy birthday

with or without you · Sep 01, 2011, 12:03 PM

thanks!

REEG · Sep 01, 2011, 09:12 PM

Wowy- happy birthday! I'm glad you were able to have a session with your T, even if it was a phone session. I can relate to your comment about contsancy, because I saw my first T from ages 17 to 35. When you have a long term relationship with a T like this, you do 'grow up together' in a way. I'm glad she has been such a support to you.

with or without you · Sep 12, 2011, 11:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by REEG

Wowy- happy birthday! I'm glad you were able to have a session with your T, even if it was a phone session. I can relate to your comment about contsancy, because I saw my first T from ages 17 to 35. When you have a long term relationship with a T like this, you do 'grow up together' in a way. I'm glad she has been such a support to you.

thank you very much.

Wysteria · Sep 13, 2011, 12:12 AM

I don't think this was a silly thread at all...I thought it was beatiful and such a tribute to a unique and meaningful relationship in your life that you will always cherish...

I'm so glad you honoured it in the way you did whether by the side of the road or with or without a cupcake...

I hope my T and I will celebrate a 10 year anniversary one day...

Hugs and Happy Birthday!

Wysteria Blue

Sep 13, 2011, 12:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by with or without you

The session that never was...

my appointment was at 2pm on Thursday, and I was coming in from out of town. I couldn't sleep the night before, so I overslept. I knew there was no way I would be able to make it in on time, so I called and left a message. I asked if I could pull over and talk to her on the phone during our time, and she said "of course".

During the first 2/3 of the appointment, I talked about current issues: my sister had to put down our 17 year old dog 2 weeks ago, and my cousin's wife was recently hospitalized in a mental health facility for severe postpartum depression. I felt very wistful when talking about the dog. T pointed out that my dog had been in my life for more than half of it, and it was important to acknowledge it as a huge loss even though she was a pet. I said I felt like there really wasn't much to say about it, because she was the best dog we'd ever had and she way outlived her life expectancy, so the experience of owning her couldn't have happened any better than that.

Then, I told her that in these past 10 years there have only been two people who have been a constant presence in my life - "my mom, and you (in your own role)" Everyone else has come in and out." And I thanked her for providing a sense of continuity in my life that I desperately needed. T told me she appreciated me saying that, and that she was sincerely glad to have been here with me in this decade. She said she found me to be incredibly intuitive and that deep down I really do know how to handle a difficult situation, when to make a major life change, and so on. She said she had seen "such growth" in me with my social anxiety, and how I've been putting myself into uncomfortable social situations on purpose, especially in the last year. T also said she felt honored that I wanted to do a session on my birthday.

I'm mad at myself for not being able to see her in person, but things don't always go your way and you have to accept that.

Oh wow! Please don't beat yourself up over not having an in person appt. What you and T talked about is deep and very meaningful. It doesn't matter where you talked; it's the content. and you made the content count! Oh I forgot...Happy Birthday to a fellow Virgo!

with or without you · Sep 25, 2011, 08:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wysteria

I don't think this was a silly thread at all...I thought it was beatiful and such a tribute to a unique and meaningful relationship in your life that you will always cherish...

I'm so glad you honoured it in the way you did whether by the side of the road or with or without a cupcake...

I hope my T and I will celebrate a 10 year anniversary one day...

Hugs and Happy Birthday!

Wysteria Blue

haha, I was calling from a grocery store parking lot. Well said, thanks

with or without you · Sep 25, 2011, 08:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Calista+12

Oh wow! Please don't beat yourself up over not having an in person appt. What you and T talked about is deep and very meaningful. It doesn't matter where you talked; it's the content. and you made the content count! Oh I forgot...Happy Birthday to a fellow Virgo!

thank you, happy birthday to you too

PTSDlovemycats · Sep 25, 2011, 11:58 PM

Happy Belated Wowy, I am glad that you got to talk to your T even though it was on the phone instead of in person. You have a wonderful, caring and supportive T. I am happy for you.

cmac13 · Sep 26, 2011, 12:22 PM

I celebrated with my therapist our 20 year anniversary. My session actually was scheduled for the "exact" date

. I brought in a bottle of wine from my sons wedding and gave it to her along with a card that I wrote out all that she has meant to me over the years. She thanked me and said that she would enjoy the wine at home and she read my card and we talked about our relationship and all that she represents to me, mainly her being a "mom" figure in my life and how important that is to me.

with or without you · Sep 26, 2011, 08:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PTSDlovemycats

Happy Belated Wowy, I am glad that you got to talk to your T even though it was on the phone instead of in person. You have a wonderful, caring and supportive T. I am happy for you.

Aww, thanks Cats. I really appreciate that.

with or without you · Sep 26, 2011, 08:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cmac13

I celebrated with my therapist our 20 year anniversary. My session actually was scheduled for the "exact" date

. I brought in a bottle of wine from my sons wedding and gave it to her along with a card that I wrote out all that she has meant to me over the years. She thanked me and said that she would enjoy the wine at home and she read my card and we talked about our relationship and all that she represents to me, mainly her being a "mom" figure in my life and how important that is to me.

that's awesome...too bad she didn't open the wine right there.