Sometimes the level of trust for my T is miraculous

My sessions with T have been incredibly focused and intense for quite some time now. Tuesday we got onto a subject, rather unforeseen to both of us, that has really triggered PTSD stuff. Let's just say some connections have been made that were a surprise for both of us. I was left with flashbacks and anxiety and nightmares after our session Tuesday, so I opted to take today off to get in a 2nd session with my T this week.

Today T had me looking at those events in rather minute detail. I was able to give him that detail and actually share something that had happened to me that I have never told anyone before (I barely told myself to tell you the truth). The whole time this was going on, I knew I was safe. T kept making eye contact with me to remind me that what I was talking about wasn't happening; it isn't real anymore; it's just a memory; it has no power to hurt me.

The things I was talking about were pretty horrendous, but I trusted my T to gently guide me through them, and that is exactly what he did. I have one more thing I need to tell him. He actually made a guess pretty close to the truth so I know he won't be shocked. On the contrary, he made it very clear that even this was not my fault and that he would completely understand the situation. Very scary stuff, but I know I can trust him to hear the truth. This is information and details I would never dream of telling anyone else.

I'm so glad T is my safe person.

Glad you had such a productive session. Keep up the good work.

Wow,

What a session...Sounds like your T is one impressive guy and highly in tune with you and very intuitive as well. You are very lucky to have him and to have such a very safe place to be as you get rid of some of the yuck and share some of the incredible burden you have carried around for so long. You have worked very hard, and I hope you are doing something nice for yourself to reward yourself and nurture yourself for such courage!! Awesome!

Gentle and safe hugs for you!!

Wysteria Blue

Thanks. I just can't get over the feeling that being able to tell him the things I told him today was nothing short of a miracle. I've kept my secrets well. I'm in a bit of a rough place though as we didn't get through with this today (not that we ever really get "through" with the topics we discuss). But I'm kind of hanging out here in the middle of yuck. Next week is a long way away. We'll see how I cope in the meantime.

((((((Chris)))))))) I think it is amazing that you are able to go through your healing with such grace. Trauma issues are just so complex and so unfair. It is so wrong that another human can do things to a person that haunt that person for a lifetime. Sending you very big hugs!

GOOD work, Chris. The more secrets we can share, the more we can heal. You and your T work so well together, and that's a good thing.

You are so right. You'd think that after so many years, decades actually, I would have it all out in the open. But the abuse was constant and unrelenting for several years; there is A LOT tucked away in my memory. It is like the memories are hiding in layers that I can't even see until they rudely slap me in the face.

My T really has been awesome getting me through these last few sessions. He's very persistent. He doesn't let me withdraw into myself. But he's also very gentle and careful about how much memory we unravel at a time. I remember telling him at one point today, "This is really hard to talk about." (I was describing the specifics of a particular event that I had never told anyone before.) He said, "I know it is difficult so I am edging around this very carefully." It made me aware of how carefully he was choosing the wording of every question and every comment he made.

Chris, i am sorry you are in the muck of abuse. T is so gentle and will continue to be gentle, and he knows where you are and that you are able to be okay until you see him again or that you know to call if you are feeling unsafe. that is the part of you that t gets to trust. so i think your t has that same trust in you!

I had never thought of it that way, but I think you are right. I think that is why we are such a good fit as client/therapist.

Amen! I'm so glad you have him, Chris.

Excellent work Chris!!

it is nice to see that someone can have such trust in a t durring such a hard time.i think that is wonderfull and thanks for sharing this little bit of faith with us