Second thoughts about T & me

I started therapy with my T in early February. I was set up with her by the hospital where I spent 10 days after a rare reaction to an SSRI that made me both manic and suicidal. Before that, I'd been in therapy with several different therapists for years each, with a few years between, all for PTSD and recurring major depression.

I did not feel 'bonded' to this therapist and found her annoying at first, but I gave it a chance because I knew I'd just been through a lot and considered that maybe I wasn't thinking clearly.

Well, it's been eight months now, and although I DO see some progress, my reservations about my therapist are still there. I'm not saying nothing good has come of therapy with her--that's too harsh. But I still don't feel bonded to her or totally trusting, and she still annoys me.

Here are my reservations (complaints, I guess):

1) She forgets important things about my history over and over again and asks me to fill her in. I just explained how I ended up in the hospital to her last week, for the gazillionth time, because she couldn't remember. She seemed to have no knowledge or understanding of the drug side effect, as if she'd never heard of it.

2) She often stifles a yawn or yawns outright during sessions. I understand that it's hard to listen to people all day, but it still bugs me.

3) She pressured me for six months to join this trauma recovery group therapy thing she co-moderates, and I said again and again I didn't think it would be good for me, because I've tried that before and it just ends up triggering me and making me retrace stuff I've already dealt with. So finally I did join, and by the fourth session I'm having nightmares and she is not sure I should go now. Duh. I mean, it's irritating. I TOLD her that's what happens in group for me, usually, and she blew me off and then it happened.

4) Last week during group she went on this tangent about how bad oral hygiene can cause mental illness because the two are correlated--as in, people who have good teeth have less mental illness. This is nonsense. Brushing your teeth is good for you, but it doesn't prevent or cure mental illness. People with good teeth have less mental illness because they have money to take better care of themselves, not because teeth are tied to your brain. She doesn't understand the difference between causation and correlation--a basic tenet of experimental psych.

I've raised some of these issues with her, and it seems better for awhile, then it all starts to annoy me again.

What should I do? I've never terminated therapy because I didn't like the therapist. I feel bad about it, like I'm just being a ***** or something, but I still don't feel good with her.

Any feedback would be welcome. Has anyone else been in this spot? What did you do?

I don't see the point of staying with someone who apparently isn't helping you, and you don't feel good with. She should remember key issues of yours or at least refer to her notes about you. I say go with your gut. I would (I think) tell her what yu just said here; see what her response is, and then find someone else.

The teeth and mental illness thing.....just bizarre....

I was thinking up excuses in my mind for each of your points as I read your post UNTIL I got to the part about teeth/mental illness. Yikes.

Yeah, I would start moving toward terminating and looking for a new t.

It sounds like you have given this a chance and it is not working. That does not mean you have done anything wrong (or even that the t has), but sometimes the t is just not right for you. Finding a T you like better sounds like a good plan.

Yeah, the teeth CLENCHED it for me, too (can we expect to see a post from The Byz on Clenched / Clinched soon?)! But why DON'T we trust ourselves sooner, why do we give them so much power, why CAN'T we tell when we should leave? A yawn or a swallow does not a summer make, so THAT was okay. You don't need to "terminate". She doesn't understand basic science, and she doesn't listen. It's all about her. Go. Run. Go. Who the heck gave her her license?

Wow thank you so much everyone for the feedback!

I do think it's unfortunate that it took so long for me to trust my gut, but that's what mental illness does to you--it makes you feel like you can't trust yourself. The last therapist I had seemed to help me trust myself more, this one the reverse.

I agree that yawning is not that big a deal, and I know sometimes professionals feign ignorance of your condition to get you to explain what YOU think it is, but I don't think this is that.

Thanks for validating the way I was already leaning.

I have a a week and a half to sort out what to say.

Kind of nervous about it. Thanks again everyone.

I think all of your points are very valid. This one stands out because it's so unnecessary. I mean, doesn't she take notes? Doesn't she have a file to review? I don't expect my T to remember everything but she can at least look up her notes if necessary. And if you've repeated stuff a lot, and she still doesn't remember? Yep, it's time to look for another T.

Skysblue I had the same thought about the notes. Often my session starts 10 to 15 minutes late so she ought to have time to at least peek at them.

If you're not comfortable with her, you should switch After 8 months I'd hope to have a better relationship with a T than you seem to have... I think it's important you feel like they 'get' you, y'anno?

You better believe I'd get annoyed too if my T was always stifling yawns and forgetting everything I told her.

The oral hygiene thing I have hactually heard before, to be fair - but in relation to health in general and heart disease, not mental health specifically. Seems a strange straw for her to clutch at!? Brush your teeth and you'll be happy? Ha, yeah.

xx

1) She forgets important things about my history over and over again and asks me to fill her in. I just explained how I ended up in the hospital to her last week, for the gazillionth time, because she couldn't remember. She seemed to have no knowledge or understanding of the drug side effect, as if she'd never heard of it.

I think you should move on, she doesn't sound helpful to you. Im sorry you are dealing with that, its not easy to find someone.

What you wrote above, thats my situation, but thats the only problem Im having, so I haven't figured out whether I should be making a big deal about it. But its very hurtful. On top of everything else you wrote, I wouldn't stick around.

Good luck with whatever you decide.