[Wren_]

I'm very aware of things I do that one of my T's finds annoying. He has never made any secret of it which I'm actually thankful for (for one reason, the same behaviour may annoy others as well so now I'm aware of this). I just realised though, that while I know what annoys him, there are things he does that annoy me which I've never told him. Now I wonder what it would be like to tell him; what the reaction would be like; what it is I'm fearing and why I keep these things to myself.

Do you tell your T's what, if anything, they do that annoys you? What has their reaction been? If you haven't told them, would you like to?

(and thinking of something Sky has said before - my T is still perfect even though he has a few annoying habits )

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by tigergirl

Do you tell your T's what, if anything, they do that annoys you?

I wouldn't tell him about little things he might do that annoy me, because I believe as an adult I need to be able to tolerate minor variations in people's behavior that cause mild annoyance. But if it seems like a bigger thing, then yes, I have told him. Like he developed this habit of putting his open laptop right next to him on the couch while we did therapy. And sometimes he would glance at it. It just bugged me, triggered me, whatever. I didn't want him looking at his laptop during our session. I wanted his attention. I've had to mention it to him several times in order for him to stop doing it. It was OK telling him, but I was scared to do it. I made a bigger deal out of it than it was. He reacted fine, was not defensive or hostile or whatever I had feared. Sometimes he has said to me that there is nothing on the laptop screen so why does it bother you? And I've said, if there is nothing on the screen then why does it have to be sitting open right next to you? LOL. (I have indeed explained to him why it triggers me.)

Tigergirl, is your T doing something that annoys you?

I asked my T last time if my fidgeting bothered him. He said no, and he hoped I wasn't bothered by his fidgeting either. (I'm not, but he's not half as fidgety as I am.)

[rainbow_rose]

i have .... and she told me that it was a reasonable request.

[sittingatwatersedge]

like Sunrise - not things that 'annoy' me.

Things that really bother me, yes (having a clock that is out of order, but still moving, not having a white noise machine outside the room) and she has been very kind to accomodate in those ways.

Some people use the word "consumer" instead of patient or even client; I think it's a little cold myself, but if we are the consumers, it's OK for us to speak up about non-trivial things.

about things she does that bug me..... I did have the nerve to tell her just once... she used to give me this impenetrable Therapist Look, and one day I mirrored her; left hand holding my right elbow, and my right hand up, thumb at my jawbone, pinky out, and forefinger extended to my cheekbone (can yu do this? it's the picture if impenetrability) and a Oo with an enigmatic smile. Blink blink blink...
We faced off for abut 30 seconds, and then both burst out laughing.

one day I mirrored her; left hand holding my right elbow, and my right hand up, thumb at my jawbone, pinky out, and forefinger extended to my cheekbone (can yu do this? )


yup! but i had to try it first..lame old me! mine never sits like that...but i do burst out laughing when she says ..."so how does that make you feel?"
honestly i could be a chainsaw killer holding the world hostage & that would make me stop & drop the saw & double over in laughter because it is just such a cliche...

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

... she used to give me this impenetrable Therapist Look, and one day I mirrored her; left hand holding my right elbow, and my right hand up, thumb at my jawbone, pinky out, and forefinger extended to my cheekbone (can yu do this? it's the picture if impenetrability) and a Oo with an enigmatic smile. Blink blink blink...
We faced off for abut 30 seconds, and then both burst out laughing.

Too funny!!

My T will sometimes use my name several times in a session, while she's addressing me -- it reminds me of my days working in a call centre, being told to use the client's name to make them feel important. It doesn't bug me too much, but I do sometimes wonder if it's one of the 'tricks' of the trade, as 'twere, or if she just does that. It makes me wonder what other little 'things' they might get taught in shrinky school...

[beautiful.mess]

Bahaha! Some of the responses are cracking me up!

Yes, there ARE things that definitely bug me about t's habits, or little things about the office. I have not brought them up though. I have realized that these particular things are just trivial, and as long as they don't interfere with my sessions then I'm good to go. But even so.....I don't want to embarrass him or put him on the spot.

But I do sometimes fantasize about telling him and what his reaction might be. I'd be VERY surprised if he were to acquiesce without asking me how it makes me feel in the meantime.

[ECHOES]

Anything and everything can be talked about in therapy.
We can certainly talk about things that annoy, in the spirit of learning more about the things that annoy and why they annoy us.

We all have different levels of tolerance for things that annoy and working on that may be a very helpful part of therapy. What annoys you about T may be about how you deal with separateness. You can learn what happens in you, and with a relationship when things annoy that can't be tolerated; why can we tolerate "X", but not "Y", for example.

Use everything available to you in your therapy, even what annoys

[Flooded]

I asked mine to change her pen. The one she was using had one of those annoying boobly heads on a spring and I was *that* close to ripping the damn thing off.

She changed it for me

[vanessaG]

My T - I always kinda space out looking around the room as I talk
When I come back to look at him I ALWAYS catch him looking at his damn clock!! Ugh so annoying.
I started looking at the clock then him to let him know I do notice it!

It would be cool if he could get a 50 min buzzer, sit on it and when it buzzes he know times up instead of checking clock every 15 min!

I have a high tolerance for other peoples' quirks (probably because I deal with hundreds of extremely quirky teenagers every day), so things just don't bother me much. T definitely has his quirks, but I just don't get upset about that kind of thing.

Now, he does tend to push one particular thing in my sessions that really bothers me, but it's not like a habit or anything; in this case, it is an issue of preference that he has tried (unsuccessfully) to get me to buy into. THAT I have talked to him about. Now he warns me ahead of time when he's "going there", but he still goes there. It is something we've butted heads on forever and we'll probably continue to butt heads over it. I know he's not going to abandon the topic (because I know he's right), but we definitely know each other's stance on the topic.

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by flooded

i asked mine to change her pen. The one she was using had one of those annoying boobly heads on a spring

lol!! :rotflmao:

[Dr.Muffin]

Originally Posted by tigergirl

I'm very aware of things I do that one of my T's finds annoying. He has never made any secret of it which I'm actually thankful for (for one reason, the same behaviour may annoy others as well so now I'm aware of this). I just realised though, that while I know what annoys him, there are things he does that annoy me which I've never told him. Now I wonder what it would be like to tell him; what the reaction would be like; what it is I'm fearing and why I keep these things to myself.

Do you tell your T's what, if anything, they do that annoys you? What has their reaction been? If you haven't told them, would you like to?

(and thinking of something Sky has said before - my T is still perfect even though he has a few annoying habits )

tell him! if part of your work in therapy is about navigating relationships, this is a really big portion of that. being able to say to someone, "i dont like what you're doing, please stop." is a big deal. you should be able to practice having that conversation with your therapist and see that you can still have relationships even when there's conflict.