is T on your side?

I think it is really really important that the therapist (or anyone for that matter) to acknowledge that the things we have been through have been hard, upsetting and traumatic for us.

Yes, we likely did contribute in some circumstances (certainly not all!) but that notwithstanding, the empathy and understanding of how it affected us is essential.

Yes, he is. If he wasn't, I wouldn't be there ......

Yes he is defnitely on my side. When we discuss choices I need to make, he is ALWAYS ALWAYS pointing out the option that is best for ME, even when I'm fumbling around trying to decide what helps the other people in my life. I can always count on him to tell me what is best for me.

My T is on my side. I've tested him in so many ways given him so many opportunities, ok's and go aheads to hurt me and he hasn't. That's not to say that treatment doesn't hurt. Also for me there is nothing like time to show me who a person is, and after knowing him almost 2 decades very recently I can say for sure that T has my back.

if she's not, no one ever will be.

I don't like to think in terms of "sides" like there's a battle/war or right/wrong dichotomy about it; my T wanted to, and worked to help me with, my therapy goals. I feel much much better now and can think better and she and other friends/loved ones helped me achieve who I am now.

LYIB, do you think that you allow the T to get close enough to you to be on your side or do you think you do things to make sure they keep their distance?

100%.
He is teaching me what my side is.

My T is definitely on my side. He cares about whats going on with me and is trying every way possible to do that even though I don't make it easy. He is supportive of me though.

Old t wasnt on my side. New t definitely is. She tells me she is. She cheers for me and tells me shes proud of me. She fights for me. She encourages me.

Yes, empathy is so essential. I don't really know what to say. I feel it's so difficult to have empathy for myself right now. I feel I have reasonably high for how nice people should be to each other. It upsets me very deeply when people don't live up to that in real life and I'm always lowering the bar a little every day and trying to be more realistic, and then you all go and raise the bar again. Welcome to the sticky wicket that is therapy. How do you do it so, I don't know! Receiving empathy is dangerous, though, and I think on the whole we on this board are better at giving it than taking it. I don't know what to say so I'll save myself the trouble of writing more (and you all the trouble of reading it!) and just stop for now.

This sounds like my T as well.

Yes myt therapist is on my side. She actually s first person I have ever heard use thsat phrsse and it took me by surprise until I learnt how important that simple statement was.

This is really important and I think that exploring this will be fruitful for you.