trusting a new T

I have seen a new T twice, and I really don't trust him and don't like him.
i have been told by the crisis team that he is really good and to stick with him.
my mum said if i didn't like him to just change.
i don't know what to do.

i had a great relationship with my last one but then i had to move interstate, and i had a great relationship with my one before him.

I have just found that he doesn't listen at all, after 2 sessions i don't even think he knows that my dad is dead, and thats a huge thing in my life especially with the anniversary in 2 days.

I really need someone who i can trust, i know trust takes time but i just don't think i'll ever trust this T.

and it's really hard because i need someone right now because i'm struggling so much right now.

I don't know what to do.

any ideas...?

(((((((((((((( quiet one ))))))))))))) only you can make the decision to stay or move on.
But the saying goes, it's the relationship that heals. Since this is not your first experience with a therapist, that gut reaction you're having has some claim (would for me). I hope you find what you need

When you look back, how long did it take you to trust your other therapists? The gut feeling is big no doubt, but trust is such a tricky thing.

Perhaps you could tell this new guy your initial impression and get his feedback on that?

with my previous 2 I liked them straight off and begun to trust them slowly from day one it took time until I fully trusted them but it started day one.

I don't even feel comfortable talking to him about it. idk my cousins said I had to give it one last go so I'll go next week but I don't think much will change.

i hope you will be able to share your impressions with him.if you dont think you can keep seeing him than what do you have to loose it will either help the situation or you can find another T that fits a little better.dealing with the anniversary of your dods death is big.i hope maybe he will be able to help you through that some also.sending hugs if it is ok

I would say trust your instincts. Not every T is right for every client. You've had 2 good experiences, so you know what a good T relationship is like. Three times should be enough to satisfy others that you tried, but you simply don't like him. He can still be a good T, but just not right for you. Sorry you're having to go through this anniversary without support. Hugs, and hope this works out.

I have learned how vital it is to trust yourself. Sometimes when we raise doubts...it's our way of trying to sort out a NO. Hugs to you!

He could be having a hard time too because you are having a hard time and "displaying" that? I still remember in 8th grade when our science teacher did an experiment with a guy who was late to class one day; he kept telling the guy, every so often, that he didn't look well, was he sure he felt well? and stuff like that and, eventually, guess what? The guy didn't feel well and left to go to the nurse.

If you are considering changing T's at some point you would have to tell this one, I'd do it this next time, get blunt and tell him, "I'm thinking of trying a different T, I can't figure out why it feels like I don't trust/want to trust you?" Then, listen to what he has to say and then ask him about your father, something like, "what do you think about my father?" and see if he mentions he's dead and that the anniversary is coming up (I'm presuming that you have told him when he died and how big a deal it is for you?). If you realize you really haven't said much about your father as you thought, that you have left it to this T to "guess" or haven't wanted to tell him, etc. then explore that particular issue rather than your father and his death per se.

It could be this T somehow does/does not remind you of your father or someone else you don't/didn't like and you could have an interesting breakthrough about trust and talking to people who remind you of others. You have only seen this guy twice so having such a strong reaction to him seems kind of odd; yes, it's nice when we like people right off but we can often learn more from "mistakes" than from everything going how we want/expect?

He could be great, just not great for you.
However you should go one more time. Maybe just to tell him you wish to stop seeing him.

I'm really struggling with trust (other ppl or myself) So in the beginning I just went for someone I could imagine spending 50min a week talking to. Seems like a easy thing, but I went through a bunch of T till I find my current one...

You have a good experience with T before so you know how it feels when the relationship is solid. Go with your guts.

the appt is tuesday, i feel like i'm going to have to tell him that i don't want to see him and i'm freaking out because i hate conflict/confronting people.

any tips on the easiest way to do it?

Try writing it out, and giving it to him to read. I like this because then I can really think out what I want to say and I don't get flustered and say something I don't want (such as giving in and staying with him) Try to be rational and explain that if the positive regard isn't two ways, then good therapy cannot happen. If you don't even like him, there is probably a good reason why you don't. And even if there is not, you can fire him at anytime. Regardless of how good he is, he can't help you if the relationship isn't a good one. to you.

I think all one has to do is tell them it is not working out and good bye. If you want to try to explain it further, you can but do not have to do so. I don't think of it as confrontational, but simply where you are at and what you are going to do. These t people work for you. You pay them for whatever it is they do. Clients quit or stop or leave for all kinds of reasons and the ts are not to get mad or try to stop you. Good luck with the appointment.

Please talk to him about your concerns regarding trust. Tell him what you think is getting in the way, what would help. Talk to him about how you miss your previous T's and the connection that you had with them. He needs to know all of these things.

I'd echo this! [sorry to be punnie, couldn't resist]

I've had 3 T's, all of whom I love. And one group T that I came to despise after about 6 months. But I've had twice that many interviews with potential T's (or I suppose you could say one session) who I felt I would never connect with. I can't say that the connection with all of them was on the first session, but I was at least willing to continue to try. I was hopeful. So from my perspective, I don't think that you can expect to "like" them by the 2nd session. But if you don't want to try anymore, then I'd head off and find somebody else.

Anne